


The Space Between

by punportunist



Series: Virginia Series [2]
Category: Pitch Perfect (Movies)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, oblivious chloe, pining beca
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-10
Updated: 2019-05-22
Packaged: 2019-11-15 04:14:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 79,694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18066389
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/punportunist/pseuds/punportunist
Summary: This is a companion story to If You Don't Expect Too Much From Me. Same story, but now told exclusively from Chloe's PoV, as requested! Reading the original piece probably isn't necessary to read this one, but it would be a lot richer if you have! I'm cutting the length, and basically filling the gaps.





	1. Chapter One

**Chapter One**    
  
_Fall 2011_  
  
Chloe Beale is a believer. Not of any particular religion or faith. Not of any higher being thought up even by the most creative imagination. No, she's a believer in people. A believer in being nice to strangers, in always thinking the best of someone. And that, if she doesn't waver in those things, everything will usually turn out okay. She likes to think that with a little encouragement, anything is possible.  
  
That isn't to say that it hasn't gotten the better of her once or twice. Like the time she told her freshman suitemate that _of course_ she could pull off being a red head too. And then had to cringe at the results. _Nobody_ can pull off the Carrot Top look, not even Carrot Top. Or like last year, when she told Aubrey she'd be amazing during her solo at the Championships, and that all she needed was a little something on her stomach to calm down the butterflies.  
  
So yes, she does have to deal with the occasional mishap. But it doesn't shake her determination. She'll always be a believer in people.  
  
Which is why she finds herself at this year's activities fair constantly reassuring Aubrey that they'll find the perfect girls to build the team back up. She and Aubrey had decided together to go for their most "Girl Next Door" look. That it would make them more approachable. And while they had had several interactions with various fair-goers, none had really seemed all that interested. Certainly not enough to convince Aubrey they'd see them again at auditions.   
  
It's with only a little desperation that Chloe calls out to Barbara Biggers as she's passing the Bellas table. Sure, Barb had auditioned the last three years in a row. And sure, Chloe wished she'd learn how to wear a bra, but it's not like _Chloe_ ever had anything to do with Barb not making the cut. She's never been in the position of choosing before. But she can't help but start to feel a little downtrodden when even she walks away. And that's when Chloe mentions a novel idea.  
  
"Maybe we should just get good singers," she says, adding a little enthusiasm. She's honestly not sure why having "bikini ready" girls is so important to Aubrey or the Bella image. Chloe just wants to win. So when the next girl walks up that Aubrey would have previously looked over, Chloe engages her instead. And when she leaves a few minutes later with Aubrey's parting words of seeing her at auditions, Chloe can't help but smile. Because she's a believer.  
  
They talk to a few more girls, but with no more luck. It seems to have run out with the one that calls herself Fat Amy. And assuming Fat Amy even joins the Bellas, their group is at a grand total of... three. They still need seven more. Chloe is in the middle of wondering how she might persuade Bologna Barb to reconsider when someone new catches her attention. Someone who's looking around like she really doesn't want to be there but has accepted her fate nonetheless.  
  
"What about her?" she asks, pointing the tip of her pen in that direction. She can hear Aubrey's dismissal before the words even jump from her tongue but Chloe doesn't care. She makes her voice just a fraction louder to grab the stranger's attention.  
  
"Hi, any interest in joining our a capella group?"  
  
It's a hopeful start, for sure, but the conversation goes downhill fast. In Aubrey's defense, the stranger did sort of start it, but any chance of her actually joining their group was incinerated the moment Aubrey called her a bitch. Chloe takes a shot in the dark with the remaining shreds of her optimism but ultimately the girl, like the ones before her, walks away.  
  
That evening, she and Aubrey sit together in the Bella house. A place that was once rarely still, and certainly never quiet, presses in on them from all sides. All the empty rooms remind her of all the voices they lost last year. All the voices they need to replace. They need numbers.  
  
"Okay, so setting up the booth was a complete waste of time," Aubrey says dramatically. She's laying down lengthwise on one of the couches in the living room, an arm thrown over her eyes.  
  
Chloe smiles, despite the gravity of their current situation.  
  
"We haven't even had auditions yet," she says calmly, leaning back even further into her favorite armchair. It's big enough for someone twice her size and super squishy. Perfect for movie nights in with a good blanket and even better company. "Let's see who turns up to those before moving to DEFCON 1."  
  
Aubrey doesn't say anything, and Chloe takes that as acceptance of her suggestion. After a few minutes of silence during which neither of them broach any new topics, Chloe pulls out her laptop bag and the novel that's first on the syllabus for Revolutionary Literature. She likes getting a head start on her reading lists. It gives her eventual assessment more depth.  
  
"What's first this year?" Aubrey asks, removing her arm from her eyes and looking at the cracked spine of Chloe's book.  
  
"Dr. Zhivago," Chloe says, putting her finger in the middle to mark her place while holding up the cover. It was an old copy, with frayed edges and occasional underlined portions from previous readers. Chloe's favorite kind of hand me down.  
  
"Any good?"  
  
Chloe smiles again. Despite Aubrey's tendencies to be a little dramatic sometimes, a little too high-strung, she always asks about what Chloe's reading. Ever since they both joined the Bellas together three years ago.  
  
"Yeah, it is, actually. Plus it's on the syllabus for Russian Lit next semester so that's one less book I'll have to read then," she says, putting it back in her lap and opening it up to her bookmarked place. Her parents never approved of her choice to be a Lit major, but there's something about the escapism of novels that she can't pass up. Maybe she doesn't exactly know what her calling is yet, but she sure is exploring more walks of life in her books than she would in any other major. "It's about a lot of things but what I love is how it describes people's lives as being interwoven. How their fates are sewn together. Here, listen to this."  
  
She flips backwards, looking for a place she underlined herself in red ink. Finding it, she reads it aloud to Aubrey.  
  
_"You and I, it’s as though we have been taught to kiss in heaven and sent down to earth together, to see if we know what we were taught."  
_  
She looks up at Aubrey, who is looking at her with her own smile now.  
  
"That's beautiful," she says.  
  
"Have you ever felt that way about someone after kissing them?"  
  
Aubrey doesn't answer right away. She sits with Chloe's question, her eyes focused on something Chloe cannot see.  
  
"Still waiting, I'm afraid," she says eventually, though she doesn't look too bothered by that fact. She then starts to pull out her own textbooks. A whole slew of them, with words like Business and Management and Finance written in bold font on their covers. She's organizing them and deciding where to start when Chloe finally responds. It's a quiet sentence. One that sinks in the air and settles into the soft pages of her open novel as soon as Chloe releases the words.  
  
"Me too."  
  
/  
  
It's three days later and in the three years she's been at Barden she's definitely had enough time to find a better hookup spot than one of the freshman dorm showers. But it's the middle of the day and the coast is clear so she has no reason to think the room belongs to anyone but her and her shower mate.   
  
She's kissing him, and it's decidedly not the sent to earth together kind of kiss, but it's not an unpleasant one either. Her fingers are dancing up his chest when she hears them. Lyrics.  
  
Beautifully sung lyrics.  
  
She turns, unapologetic in her sudden disinterest that leaves Tom waiting. The voice goes on and Chloe responds to it like it's a siren call, beckoning her closer. She leaves her stall behind, not even bothering to take her towel on the way out.  
  
There's a brief moment of realization when she finds herself standing outside _a complete stranger's_ shower stall. A second or two of _"Maybe I shouldn't."_ But they are swiftly escorted away by the stronger compulsion to be closer. And that's what makes her draw back the curtain. The ensuing recognition is what makes her shout in excitement.  
  
"You CAN sing!" she says, paying no heed to the way it sort of sounds like an accusation. At the announcement of her presence, the girl from the activities fair turns full circle, flapping wildly and yanking at anything that might cover her up.  
  
Chloe, recognizing that this would be a potentially awkward scenario for literally anyone but her, does her best not to look down. She isn't leaving until she talks to this girl, but she can at least let her keep some of her dignity, right?  
  
It takes some persuasion to get what she wants, helped, Chloe's sure, by the promise of leaving after the girl sings. But when she opens her mouth to sing again, Chloe joins her. Their voices sound amazing together and Chloe can't help but love the way this girl is maintaining eye contact. Like it's vital to their harmony. She notes their unusual hue. Like the color of an ocean wave just before cresting in a storm.  
  
At the end of the chorus, they both stop naturally. Chloe smiles, and the girl does too before she remembers herself.  
  
As promised, Chloe leaves soon after. But this time she knows she'll see the girl again. As she walks away, there's a smile on her lips, and there's a hope in her heart that the Bellas are now up to four.  
  
/  
  
She doesn't tell Aubrey about the shower encounter. Even though Aubrey knows Chloe's a little more loosey goosey with her boundaries than most other people, she still thinks that busting up another girl's shower is a little weird. Even for her. So instead she just tells her the "alt girl" from the fair will be here today at auditions. Aubrey looks neither happy nor disappointed by this announcement, and resumes looking over the names on her clipboard as they settle themselves into the front row.  
  
The singers try out one by one. Some of them Chloe actually recognizes from the fair. She's pleased to see the booth was a little more useful than she initially assumed. Some of them are completely new to her. But there's definitely potential in the mix. She inks little red stars by each name belonging to a voice she likes. When the end of auditions is announced, she's disappointed that her shower singer never showed. She's picking up her bag off the floor when she spots her, hiding halfway in the shadows backstage.  
  
And this time it's Chloe beckoning her closer. She steps onto the stage with very obvious reluctance, but Chloe encourages her right away and by the time she's sitting down right in front of them Chloe can tell her nerves are already ebbing. She's more confident this time around, and Chloe only feels a _little_ guilty that it's probably because she's not naked. Her voice is perfect. It fills up the space around them and makes the fine little hairs on her arms stand on end. Chloe doesn't know how on earth this girl can claim she doesn't sing because very clearly, she does. When she finishes, Chloe's smile is already there waiting for her.  
  
The girl doesn't hang around. Only long enough to put her name and contact information down on Aubrey's clipboard. Chloe asks to see it before she's even made it out of the auditorium.  
  
_Beca Mitchell. Belk Hall, room 204._  
  
Beneath that she'd written her phone number and email in the provided spaces. Chloe was glad to finally know this girl's name. And she couldn't wait to send Beca Mitchell a bid to join the Barden Bellas.  
  
/  
  
"Cynthia-Rose Adams?" Aubrey asks, looking down at the clipboard containing her notes from the auditions.  
  
"Yes, definitely. We gotta have her," Chloe responds instantly. They'd been going through the list of names of potential new Bellas and deciding to which of them they wanted to send bids. It's a tricky business. They don't want to send too many bids because if they all accept then their group will be too big. But they need to have a few extra in case any of them accept bids from another group.  
  
"I agree," Aubrey says with a smile. She's humming Since U Been Gone under her breath as she ticks the name off. "Okay, Lilly... Onak... O-nak-ur... oh hell, the girl who whispers. What about her?"  
  
Chloe laughs, and votes yes again. The few notes she'd been able to hear _had_ been on key. Assuming Lilly accepts the bid, their number will be at eleven. One more than is required to compete.  
  
"Last up," Aubrey says after making one more check mark, but Chloe already knows which name is coming. "Beca Mitchell."  
  
"I don't even think you needed to ask," she responds quickly. "Definitely yes."  
  
Aubrey just looks at her for a moment, as if she isn't sure about that answer. And for whatever reason, it doesn't sit right with Chloe. Her audition had been amazing.  
  
"There's no way you're about to tell me she shouldn't join. Her voice, Aubrey-"  
  
But she's cut off here, and Aubrey's words are quick and deliberate.  
  
"I'm not saying she can't sing. I'm not delusional. But we have to think about whether or not she'd make a good _Bella_. She definitely has an attitude problem. She was late for auditions. She didn't even sing the required song. We can't have someone who isn't going to respect our practice times or who responds poorly to leadership."  
  
And Chloe never had any intention in finding reason in Aubrey's words, so she hates it when at the end of them she's brought up short. She opens her mouth, but then closes it again. She really doesn't want Aubrey to be right.  
  
"Look," Aubrey starts, this time more gently, "I know you want this girl. And I'll admit that her voice brings something to the table. So I say yes to giving her a bid. But she's gotta respect the rules here, okay?"  
  
Chloe smiles, and then nods. And then they divide the pile of bids, signing their names at the bottom before stuffing them into thick envelopes and writing addressees on their fronts. On Chloe's very first one she writes _Beca_ in her prettiest handwriting.  
  
/  
  
Chloe had been looking forward to their first practice with the new group ever since hood night. She'd been thrilled to see that everyone accepted their bids. There's just something about making new friends that Chloe thrives on. The potential there for new closeness is so exciting.  
  
But honestly this practice has... room for improvement. That's the kindest way Chloe can frame it in her mind. It isn't that the girls are unwilling. Well, maybe some of them are where the cardio is concerned, but for the most part they seem happy to try.  
  
Chloe is patient with them. She demonstrates the routine, part by part, move by move as many times as she's asked. She watches the girls closely, looking for ways to make their iterations identical.  
  
And Beca isn't struggling. In fact, she probably picks up the routine quicker than most of the others. But something about her standoffish attitude and general aloofness just reels Chloe in. It makes Chloe want to understand her. It makes Chloe want to show Beca that affection is pleasant and desirable. So when she takes Beca's wrists in her own hands in an entirely unnecessary attempt at perfecting the girl's technique, she can't help but be thrilled that Beca actually lets her.  
  
Aubrey calls the end of practice not long after. Everyone leaves quickly before Aubrey changes her mind, their determination having started to wane over an hour ago. Beca's the last to leave, the words _"That's my dick."_ leaving a faint echo through the rehearsal space. And Chloe doesn't have a good reason for why but seeing Beca challenge Aubrey so blatantly is oddly satisfying. After a quick reassurance to Aubrey that everything will be fine, Chloe leaves the rehearsal space too. Outside, she looks for brown curls and hunched shoulders, finding them several paces away already. And it's that desire to know Beca rearing up inside her again that makes her call out. It makes her catch up to Beca as she keeps moving forward and makes her ask if she wants to grab dinner together. That same desire is what makes her smile when Beca says yes.  
  
/  
  
It doesn't take long for them to become friends. For them to start sharing more meals together or start spending time together outside of Bella obligations. And they're improbable friends, Chloe acknowledges that. She's bubbly and outgoing and enthusiastic. She likes wearing bright colors and her heart on her sleeve. She shows affection with words and with touch. And Beca... is none of those things. She's sarcasm in human form. She's awkward and uncomfortable with any genuine emotion. She rolls her eyes every time Chloe says anything nice to her.  
  
But for whatever reason, Chloe loves all of it. And she especially loves those rare moments when she catches real emotion coming from her. It's never overtly expressed. Most people probably wouldn't even realize it's there. But Chloe does. It waves quietly at her from stormy waters. It swims under the melody of Beca's words like a subtle bass track.  
  
Like the time after she'd told the group about her nodes. They'd gone back to the Bella house following their first performance. It's still only Chloe and Aubrey living there since freshman aren't allowed to live outside the dorms, but they use it as a home base for everyone to get ready. It also makes showing up all together a whole lot easier.  
  
After coming back inside, most of the girls pile into the living room, loosening their Bella scarves and taking off their heels as they go. But not Beca. Chloe watches her go straight to the kitchen. And it's sheer curiosity that makes Chloe follow. When she turns the corner, she sees Beca filling up a kettle with water. Chloe takes a seat at one of the high barstools on the far side of the counter as she watches Beca continue. She puts the kettle on the front right burner of the stove and then she pulls a mug out of the cabinet over the coffee maker like she's done all this a hundred times before.  
  
"What are you doing?" Chloe asks, not able to hold back the amusement in her voice or the grin off her lips.  
  
Beca doesn't respond right away. She's perusing the various teabags they keep in a little wooden container on top of the counter. She must find an acceptable flavor after a few seconds of searching because she plucks it out of the deck before replacing the lid of the container.  
  
"You really need to take better care of yourself, you know," she says, as if that's a perfectly clear answer. Chloe's eyes squint in a look that's meant to challenge the words but her smile doesn't falter. And when the kettle announces that the water is ready Beca carries on like she hadn't been interrupted, making the tea in the mug she picked out earlier.  
  
"Let it cool a bit first or your nodes won't be the only thing hurting," she says, placing it down in front of Chloe on the countertop.  
  
And Chloe can't help but beam at her. Can't help but love this little gesture of genuine affection from badass Beca Mitchell.  
  
"What?" she asks, seeing the look on Chloe's face.  
  
"Oh, it's nothing really. Just... how many people know you're really a closet softie?" Chloe teases.  
  
And Beca responds exactly the way Chloe knew she would. With mock outrage and many, many words of denial. When all that fails to wipe the smirk of Chloe's face, Beca pulls out the big guns.  
  
"You better keep this quiet, Beale. Or I'm telling everyone about the dog food commercial."  
  
Chloe's eyes widen and her jaw drops in shock.  
  
"You wouldn't!"  
  
Beca smiles in response, but it doesn't do anything in the way of reassurance. "I wouldn't test me. Now drink your tea," she says before turning around and making her way to the living room to join the others.  
  
"You losers better not have stolen my spot on the couch," are the last words Chloe hears before she turns back to the warm mug in her hands.  
  
So she still hasn't figured out Beca Mitchell, but damn, she sure loves trying. She thinks after today she's one step closer. And the fact that Beca doesn't seem to mind? Well that's just an added bonus.  
  
///  
  
_Twelve years later_  
  
"Bree!" Chloe shouts as she throws open the front door. She takes a step back so Aubrey can take a step forward and right into her waiting arms.  
  
"I can't believe you're finally here!" she says with her chin over Aubrey's shoulder.  
  
"Me either. Chlo, this house is huge! I had to double check the address before letting my Uber driver go!"  
  
They're still holding on to each other when Chloe feels the distinct familiarity of a tail beating against her legs. Chloe laughs and then loosens her hold.  
  
"You better speak to her before she has a conniption."  
  
"Oh! I'm sorry, Virginia! I didn't see you there!" Aubrey says with feigned surprise. She bends down to pet the overexcited pup at their feet and Ginny immediately rolls onto her back for belly scratches. Chloe pulls Aubrey's suitcase further into the room and closes the front door behind them.  
  
"Please don't tell me I missed Beca," she says once she straightens up again. Chloe's smile falls just a little before she responds.  
  
"She told me to tell you she's sorry. I think she's a little more stressed about this tour than she's been letting on. She arranged for an earlier flight so she'd have more time once she gets there."  
  
Aubrey nods, and then takes a look around the room. "Chloe, this place is beautiful. Better than the pictures you sent."  
  
Chloe beams, looking around the room. She's so proud of what she and Beca made of the space.  
  
"Shall I give you the tour?" she asks with mock formality, holding one arm out in her best Vanna White impression. Aubrey laughs and then follows Chloe's lead as she shows her around. When every last room has been looked in on, they return to the main living room and plop down on the couch. Beca and Chloe had gotten a lot of new furniture in the move, but the couch had moved with them from Beca's apartment in New York. Chloe said it had sentimental value and Beca doesn't make a habit of denying Chloe something she wants.  
  
"So, where's her first stop again? Atlanta?" Aubrey asks, crossing her legs underneath her as she gets comfortable.  
  
"Boston," Chloe says with a slight shake of her head.  
  
"Well did you at least get to celebrate your anniversary before she left?"  
  
Chloe smiles, remembering their last few hours together before Beca left for the airport. It wasn't a bad way to commemorate the last year they've spent together.  
  
"Please don't tell me whatever it is that just made you smile like that," Aubrey says, shaking her head as if trying to get rid of an image she doesn't like.  
  
Chloe laughs and grabs the TV remote, turning it on and looking for suitable background noise. They talk about different things then. How Aubrey likes the new branch of her lodge outside of Seattle. How Chloe likes the new veterinary practice she works for here in Los Angeles. Ginny doesn't take long in jumping up onto the couch with them, curling up next to Aubrey's lap and putting her head on her knee. They discuss where they want to go for dinner that night to celebrate Aubrey's arrival. Eventually, the conversation swings back around to Beca and the tour that's kicking off with her show tonight.  
  
"I really hate that I can't be there for her first show," Chloe says, slightly dejected. "I just couldn't ask off work so quickly after getting hired. I wish our first anniversary wasn't spent apart."  
  
Aubrey cocks her head to the side in that sympathetic kind of way before she reaches over and puts a hand over Chloe's knee.  
  
"I know, but I'm sure Beca understands. Will you get to go to any of her shows?"  
  
Chloe's usual smile elbows the frown off her lips at the question.  
  
"The last one, back in New York. On Halloween. It'll be the longest we've gone without seeing each other since getting together. She doesn't know I'll be there though."  
  
One month wasn't a long time to have a concert tour, but it was Beca's idea. Her latest album was titled _October_ , and this tour hit the country's biggest cities all month long. It was drawing in huge numbers due to the limited show dates as well. And Chloe hated that she'd miss so many of them (watching Beca perform was like having an out of body experience), but as soon as she discovered her weekend work schedule would allow for the long weekend at the end of the month she arranged her trip out there with Beca's manager.  
  
"She'll love it, Chlo. It'll be the perfect surprise."  
  
Chloe smiles again. She thinks so too.  
  
"In the mean time, I did sort of get her a gift for after each show."  
  
Aubrey just raises an eyebrow, a gesture intended to make Chloe continue.  
  
"As you know, and as Beca will never admit, she's a huge sap," Chloe starts, inspiring a loud laugh from Aubrey that makes Ginny bolt upright.  
  
"Sorry, girl," Aubrey says, petting her head gently. "Go on," she continues.  
  
"Before she left, I wrote her a bunch of letters. Her manager is going to leave one for her in her room after each show."  
  
"I'm sorry, did you say _Beca's_ a huge sap?" Aubrey asks sarcastically.  
  
"Oh hush," Chloe responds, nudging Aubrey's leg with her foot. "Anyway, I think she'll like it. She always reminds me how much she loved my Instagram massages during 'The Dark Ages'."  
  
The Dark Ages was how Beca referred to those awful years spent apart. Chloe thought the name was apt so she went along with it.  
  
"I'm sure she will," Aubrey says, her smile more genuine this time. "So," she says, changing subjects again, "I don't know about you, but I'm starving. Ready to head out for dinner?"  
  
Chloe nods, looking at her watch and wondering exactly how many more hours she'll have to wait before the love of her life finds her first letter.  
  
Three time zones away, in a dark hotel room, sits an envelope on a little bedside table. The name _Beca_ is written neatly in the middle and a little number 1 sits in the corner. Inside, folded into thirds, a single page waits. On it are the following words:  
  
_Dear Beca,  
  
I write this letter from our bedroom. You just left to to pick up dinner and already I can't wait for you to get back. But if all goes to plan, then it will be the night after your first show that you read these words.  
  
You should know this isn't the only letter you will receive. If I can't be with you on this tour then I shall try my best to parcel little pieces of love for you to come back to after each show. It's really the least I could do.  
  
So, consider this an introduction. An introduction to a story I want to tell you. And the story goes like this.  
  
They say a person falls in love with three different people in their life. But I have to disagree. I've fallen in love three times, sure, but each time has been with you. And I want to tell you about each one.  
  
So, if you're interested, then stay tuned. The rest is coming.  
  
Until then, I can't wait to hear all about your first show, and I can't wait to watch the highlights. I think this album is my favorite yet. I'll be waiting, impatiently as ever, for your goodnight phone call.  
  
Goodnight and sweet dreams, Beca.  
  
Sending all my love from California,  
Chloe_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't want to focus on the retelling of what happened in the movies nearly as much in this one because it's less important to Chloe's story. But I do think it's necessary, so bare with me for only 2-3 more chapters and then we'll be getting into what happened after the end of USO tour like I did in the original. Leave me a comment if you're feeling kind!


	2. Chapter Two

**Chapter Two** **  
**  
_Winter 2011_  
  
Having lived most of her life outside of Portland, Chloe was never really bothered by the winters at Barden. A good sweater, a light jacket, or a knitted scarf would usually suffice just fine. So on the night of the riff off, despite watching her breath curl up in steam after leaving her lungs, she's still feeling pretty good. Her northern blood and the excitement of something new and spontaneous are keeping the cold at bay. She's having fun and singing new songs, which are a welcome change from the usual numbers of their routine. Her throat hurts a bit but it's nothing she can't handle. A spoonful of honey will put her right when she finally makes it back to the Bella house.  
  
It's the "Songs About Sex" category that the new girls start to pick up the game. Chloe's heart swells watching them get into it. Watching them steal the spotlight, watching them work together. They're having a good volley with the Trebles when it happens. When she feels her jaw slacken and her attention snap to a singular person. When Beca starts rapping.  
  
And Chloe has no idea why she finds it so surprising, because a quick stroll through Beca's music will tell anyone that the girl doesn't discriminate when it comes to genre. Chloe had learned that herself the first time Beca gave her the reins to choose their listening music off her laptop.  
  
She starts paying attention again just as Beca is coming to the end of the verse, and she's searching for the next lyrics in her head so she can contribute to what promises to be an epic Treble smack down. And that's right about when Beca starts singing. And _damn_ , if Chloe thought the acoustics in that shower stall were good, then they're nothing to what this empty pool is doing for Beca's voice. The other girls start to join in after a few seconds and the energy is almost too infectious for the kind of junkie Chloe is on good vibes. Out of the corner of her eye, she can see that Aubrey is out of place and unsure of herself, but Chloe will worry about that later. Right now? They sound amazing and all Chloe wants is to keep listening to Beca sing this song.  
  
There's a part of her mind, one tiny portion not being used to enjoy this moment, that notices the way Beca can't stop looking at Jesse. How she smiles at him while she sings and how, despite the fact that the Bellas are the competition, Jesse can't stop smiling at her. She wonders if there was any merit to Aubrey's theory that Beca has a crush on him. She doesn't dwell on those thoughts though because she's having way too much fun getting into this song with these girls.  
  
But like all good things, it comes to an end too soon. And Chloe would be only too happy to pop off on the dude calling the shots but Aubrey is taking care of that for her. After their completely ridiculous dismissal from the competition, they all start walking back in the direction of the main campus. And Aubrey, who was thirty seconds ago defending their honor, is now telling each of them to pinpoint their mistakes. And Chloe has no idea how that's at all helpful, but again it's Beca challenging that authority. Chloe slips her a secret smile before they all part ways. A sign of encouragement. A sign of resistance.  
  
She walks back to the Bella house with Aubrey after that. But even in the shadow of their loss, she can't help but feel happy.  
  
"You know... Beca might have had a point when she was talking about this whole 'spontaneous' thing..."  
  
Aubrey doesn't respond. But Chloe knows she heard her.  
  
/  
  
"Chloe, this is taking forever. Let's just reconvene tomorrow," Aubrey says from her place in Beca's desk chair. "We can discuss a new practice schedule then."  
  
Chloe bristles at the words but doesn't visibly respond. They aren't all sitting in Beca's room just so they can discuss more practices once Beca arrives. This is a show of solidarity. Of sisterhood. Chloe is intent upon everyone being there waiting for Beca once she gets back from being bailed out. And even if Beca will never ever admit to being thankful for that, Chloe thinks Beca will appreciate the gesture.  
  
"We're going to wait for Beca, Aubrey. You know we'd do it for you." She says the words with only a little bit of challenge in them, but with a whole lot of reminder. They _would_ do it for Aubrey. Or for Stacie. Or for anyone else sitting in this room. Except for maybe Kimmy Jin. They wouldn't do this for Kimmy Jin. But she doesn't count.  
  
Aubrey doesn't say anything in response. And Chloe smiles to herself because she knows she won. The girls don't seem to mind waiting anyway. For once they're all just hanging out. Not as teammates, but as friends. They aren't talking about the performance or practice or music. They're just enjoying each other's company, all cramped into Beca's side of the dorm room.  
  
And though she _will_ wait for however long it takes, even Chloe is starting to wonder when Beca might show up again. But the thought barely enters her mind when they hear keys rattling on the other side of the door. Stacie stops her story about the extra physics "lessons" she was giving someone in her class when the door knob turns and Beca walks over the threshold.  
  
After Kimmy Jin leaves in a huff, they get about five seconds of making sure Beca knows they waited for her before Aubrey dives into captain mode and forces extra practices on them. And Chloe doesn't think she ever expected this captaincy to take over Aubrey's personality the way it has. Sure, Aubrey's always been the textbook definition of a type A personality. And yeah, she probably really wants to make up for the disaster that was last year's championship. Chloe thinks even she'd feel like she had something to prove if she were in Aubrey's shoes. But it's getting to this obsessive place that Chloe doesn't like seeing in her friend. When Beca reveals she's been working on her own arrangement Chloe feels excitement swell in her chest. She immediately walks over to the desk to see what Beca has to show her, and she tries to gently point Aubrey in a different direction. But it's all for naught because Aubrey shuts it down before Chloe can even complete a sentence. Chloe also never would have guessed that this captaincy could crack their friendship apart. But Aubrey's quick dismissal of her thoughts acts like a chisel against stone, creating fissures wherever it touches.  
  
Everyone starts to leave shortly after the exchange, recognizing the end of their night together and probably wanting to get some sleep in before their early morning practice the next day. Aubrey walks out without saying goodnight and Chloe doesn't follow. There's a part of her that just doesn't want to go back to the Bella house yet. Not when the only company she'll find there is the person that just belittled her opinion in front of the whole team. So she lingers by the door, weighing her options. When she sees Beca starting to close down her music software she makes her decision. She doesn't want Beca to feel as dismissed as she currently does.  
  
“Can I stay a while? Maybe you can show me some of that stuff?” she asks, hoping Beca will take her up on the offer.  
  
Beca turns away from her desk to look at Chloe, and there's a small smile just pulling at the corners of her mouth. She beckons Chloe over with a jerk of her head and a solitary wave. Chloe can't help but smile back, closing the door again before dropping onto the end of Beca's bed.  
  
"So... I'm obviously not a professional," Beca says as she reopens a few windows. "And I don't often... share."  
  
Chloe nods because she understands what Beca isn't saying. She understands that this moment probably makes Beca feel a little vulnerable. So Chloe waits patiently, or as patiently as she can as the excitement over what Beca can do mounts inside her. Beca talks her through the windows. Through finding songs with matching chord progressions and through underlying baselines. Chloe understands all of it, but she feels impressed by Beca's capability to actually do it. And when she finally hands over the pair of headphones Chloe's been eyeing for several minutes, Chloe accepts them readily. She settles them over her ears and waits for Beca to hit play with barely contained impatience.  
  
Beca smirks once but doesn't comment, and finally with a press of her fingers, music starts to flow into Chloe's ears. She doesn't know how Beca manages to pull it off, because she would never have expected voices belonging to Hayley Williams and Nicki Minaj and the singer from Plain White T's to go together but somehow Beca's managed it. The songs blend into and out of one another like they were made that way from the beginning and Chloe feels herself smiling with each new introduction, her head bobbing slightly with the baseline she's sure Beca added in herself.  
  
When it ends, Chloe can't help but feel a little disappointed it's over. Can't help but wish it had lasted just a little longer. She removes her headphones and places them down gently before speaking.   
  
"You're really talented, Beca."  
  
"Oh, yeah I... that was just," she says, stumbling over herself. She takes a deep breath, and Chloe notes what looks like a slight blush creeping up her neck. "Thanks."  
  
It's quiet and, honestly, adorable. Chloe can tell Beca feels a little embarrassed but she isn't about to take back the compliment. Beca turns away again, and begins to close the various programs down. And Chloe doesn't like that idea at all. She wants to know what else Beca can do. She takes a breath, searching for the words that will give her the best chance of success. Beca looks at her expectantly, her fingers stilling over the track pad of her laptop.  
  
"Can you... can I hear more?"  
  
She stops herself from wincing at the inelegance of the question. But Beca only smiles before pulling up a playlist of her own tracks. She unplugs the headphones and Chloe hears more music coming out. She relaxes, leaning back further into Beca's bed, as Beca leaves her place in the desk chair and joins her on the mattress.  
  
With Beca's music serving as soft background noise, they fall into easy conversation just like always. Chloe laughs at Beca's sarcasm and Beca rolls her eyes at every corny thing that leaves Chloe's lips. And Chloe loves how easy it all is. How easy it _was_ to skirt past so many of the walls Beca erects around everyone else. It makes her wonder if anyone else has ever been as persistent as she is in wanting to be Beca's friend. They're talking about something silly and completely unimportant when Chloe has to stop herself. Has to stop talking so she can better hear whatever new song is playing. The opening lyrics to Heartbeat by The Fray reach them from Beca's laptop and Chloe smiles. She loves this song. She's also surprised to hear it because it's the most "rock" she's heard yet in any of these mixes. She's about to get into the chorus but it switches to Stereo Hearts by Gym Class Heroes and somehow that's even better. She likes the whole idea of it, connecting two songs that share nothing more than a word in common in their titles.   
  
Sitting here listening to it, to Beca's music, makes Chloe feel closer to her. And Chloe's always enjoyed the feeling of deeper friendships. She usually expresses her appreciation with physical touch, but Beca's never really been the kind to seem receptive to that. She doesn't dish out cheek kisses in greeting like Chloe does. Doesn't reach out to offer comfort like Chloe does. So Chloe holds back around her. Looks for different and new ways to be close to her. But if music is Beca's language, then maybe this moment will make Beca feel closer too. And for whatever reason, Chloe really likes the notion.  
  
She catches Beca's eye after a few more beats, and wills her expression to say something more than how much she loves the mix. And she must be successful, because she's both surprised and thrilled when Beca leans in to hug her. Chloe smiles, waiting for the embrace. Beca _never_ hugs anyone. But before Beca can so much as even lift her arms, Kimmy Jin is slipping back into the room.  
  
Chloe exhales, disappointed in the timing of it all, but tries not to let Beca know that. She thinks being disappointed over not getting a hug sounds a little creepy, even to herself. So she goes for breezy.  
  
“It _is_ getting pretty late. I should let you get some sleep. I hear prison is really exhausting."  
  
For a split second it seems like Beca is searching her face. For what, Chloe isn't sure. But she's relieved when Beca responds just as playfully.  
  
"You have no idea," she says, getting up and opening the door.  
  
And Chloe thinks about just saying goodnight and leaving. Just giving Beca her usual departing wave. But she can't let the opportunity go. So she gets over the threshold but turns around and, without waiting, steps right into Beca's space. She throws her arms over Beca's shoulders and holds her there, feeling Beca stiffen initially but then soften. Chloe smiles when she feels Beca's hands reach her back.  
  
After a few more departing words, Chloe lets her go. Then she walks back to the Bella house with her smile for company, because finally after months of wearing her down, badass Beca Mitchell let Chloe in for a hug.  
  
/  
  
_Winter 2012_  
  
She's freezing up. That's the only way to describe what's happening. After walking off stage, Aubrey wastes no time laying into Beca for changing their set list. And Chloe feels like she's in the worst possible situation because anything she says will force her to choose a side. And she doesn't know what that might to do the person whose side she doesn't choose. Beca's holding her ground as usual until, for once, she asks for help. Chloe refuses to look at Beca, which she thinks is the reason Beca turns to Fat Amy for support. But Amy is trying to ride this fence just as much as Chloe is and out of the corner of her eye she sees Beca's shoulders fall.  
  
"I told you she wasn't a Bella," Aubrey says hatefully. And Chloe takes an actual step back because the venom in her voice feels almost tangible. But it crosses the line, because Beca _is_ a Bella. And Aubrey's anger doesn't negate that.  
  
"Aubrey, don't-" she starts. But Beca cuts her off, saving her the need to find words that will appease them both.  
  
“No, that’s okay. You don’t have to pretend you’re allowed to have a say in the group, right?”  
  
The words sting and bite at her skin. They root around just under the surface, nestling into places they don't belong. Because while Beca may always have a jab or comeback ready and waiting on her tongue, they've never been aimed at Chloe before. She feels water spring to her eyes and she looks down as the argument continues to unfold. When she gets herself back under control she looks up again, ready to finally stand up to Aubrey. But Beca's had enough and she's walking away.  
  
In a last ditch effort, Chloe attempts to appeal to her friend and co-captain. "Aubrey, it actually went really well-"  
  
But again she's cut off. And it doesn't even matter because Beca couldn't hear her anyway. Everyone else starts moving around her but Chloe stays rooted the spot. In an attempt not to lose either friend she thinks she may have just lost both.  
  
/  
  
The weeks following their loss at the semi-finals are tense. Aubrey doesn't say much whenever they cross paths in the Bella house and Chloe doesn't have much desire to reach out either. She feels like she's been robbed. Robbed of her friendship with Aubrey. Robbed of a great finish to her senior year of college. Robbed of Beca.  
  
She hasn't responded to any of Chloe's texts or returned any of her calls. On those rare occasions where Chloe saw her on campus, Beca made no effort to hear her apologies.   
  
And it twists at something inside her. Beca's rejection. Something she can't even explain but she laments it anyway. She didn't realize how much of her free time she spent in Beca's company until she doesn't have it anymore. She hates that she was finally tearing down the last of Beca's walls before all this happened, and now with only half the semester left to go she feels she might never get the chance to come close again.  
  
With no more competitions to practice for, she schedules her procedure with an ENT surgeon in Atlanta to remove her nodes over spring break.  
  
She thinks about reaching out to some of the other girls. But for whatever reason she doesn’t want to. In a very un-Chloe like way, she'd rather wallow. So she eats in the Bella house alone, avoiding the tension that finds her whenever she and Aubrey occupy the same space. She listens to music alone because there isn't anyone around with whom to share it.  
  
She reads her books alone, and for once, doesn't feel the same joy in escaping to new worlds.  
  
/  
  
_Spring 2012_  
  
She's propped up in a hospital bed, under a light that's too bright and in a gown that feels like a paper. Following the news that her nodes had been successfully removed, her surgeon swiftly banished her to the land of no talking. Fortunately she will only have to be a mute (Mime? She's not sure which word she prefers.) for a couple of days while her throat heals.   
  
Her mom is dozing off in what looks to be a supremely uncomfortable chair in the corner of the room. Chloe watches her with her head leaned back on her pillows, feeling almost grateful for her inability to talk just yet. It makes the fact that they don't have much to talk about much less noticeable. A quiet corner of her mind, the most pessimistic and smallest part of her personality, wonders how much her mom is here out of obligation. She doesn't sit with that thought for very long though, because she's distracted by a nurse walking into the room. Her mom's head snaps to attention but before anyone can say anything Chloe's phone is chiming with her text notification tone. She picks it up to check it, it's not like she can talk to the nurse anyway, and sees it's from Aubrey a split second before she reads the words. Words that are in all capital letters.  
  
**Aubrey** : THE BELLAS ARE IN THE FINALS I'M SORRY I WAS A JERK WHY AREN'T YOU AT HOME TO CELEBRATE THIS IS CAPS LOCK LEVEL EXCITEMENT CHLOE  
  
Chloe drops her phone, slaps her hand frantically on the table to get her mom's attention, and only barely holds back the squeal in her throat. Her fresh out of surgery vocal chords are the only things actually stopping her from shouting. Chloe's not sure how the Bellas managed to get into the finals but she's only seen Aubrey get "Caps lock level" excited on two other occasions. The first was sophomore year, when apparently someone didn't die on Grey's Anatomy. The second was last summer, after Chloe told her she couldn't wait to co-captain the new Bellas together.  
  
That last thought threatens to make her a little sad over what she never got to experience, but she forces it aside in favor of thinking of going to the finals again. She texts Aubrey back to get more details, and to make sure she this isn't some post-anesthesia delusion.  
  
The nurse, who had been quietly checking her vitals while she texted, tells her it's time for more pain medicine. She nods, and swallows tiny tablets with cold water, gritting her teeth through the fire in her throat at the action. The medicine works quickly though, and after showing her mom the texts on her phone she feels herself already getting sleepy again. She closes her eyes and hears music. It sounds like opportunity.  
  
The last thing she remembers thinking before her dreams take over is that she needs to get Beca to come back. She and Aubrey are going to have to talk about some things before the Championships arrive, but Chloe is certain about one thing. She has absolutely no doubt that they need Beca Mitchell.  
  
/  
  
This... isn't what she had in mind when she thought about her obligatory talk with Aubrey. She thought Aubrey's apology in that first text meant she'd finally realized how horrible she's been and wanted to change it. So she didn't think Aubrey would jump right back into being a huge jerk the moment Chloe pushed back a little bit. And absolutely none of the hypothetical discussions involved chasing Aubrey in circles around a pile of her own vomit.  
  
But this is Chloe's reality. Pushing and pulling at any part of Aubrey she can get to while Fat Amy stands between them, barely holding her at bay. She doesn't know how they became these people but she's beyond caring now. Aubrey really is going to cost them the title this time with her relentless hold over control of the group and her unwillingness to change or hear new ideas.  
  
They're all on the ground when Beca arrives. And it's weird that her heart leaps, given her current circumstance, but it does at seeing Beca standing there. She can only imagine how ridiculous they must look and after Aubrey finally gets the precious pitch pipe back in her hands they all scramble to their feet.  
  
And then Beca's apologizing. Chloe can tell how difficult this is for Beca. Not because she isn't sorry, but because words like these don't often leave Beca's lips. It makes Chloe want to go to her. To stand in her space so that Beca knows it's okay to be vulnerable. But Aubrey's ruining it again by remaining silent. Beca starts walking away, chair in hand, when Aubrey doesn't accept the apology. Chloe's just about to pounce, ready to start the fight all over again when she finally says one word.  
  
"Wait."  
  
And Chloe breathes again. Her muscles relax from their ready to spring position.  
  
There's hope here.  
  
/  
  
She's known since that fateful day in the freshman showers that Beca's voice goes with hers flawlessly. So when Beca asks her to take the lead on the Bruno Mars song she doesn't hesitate because she wants to hear the sound of their voices together again. And maybe it does feel a bit intimate, singing these lyrics while her eyes stay locked on Beca's. But it isn't uncomfortable. If anything, it's almost... fitting. She'll take Beca just as she is, and her heart is full because it looks like Aubrey is finally learning to do the same.  
  
When their impromptu mash up is over, she waves goodbye to Aubrey. They'll have time to talk tonight before bed. For now she wants to go with Beca. She craves her company after going weeks without it.  
  
Beca smiles when she realizes Chloe is walking with her, and then she does something Chloe never would have expected. She takes Chloe's hand in her own as they walk. Chloe's heart beats harder in approval and she doesn't hesitate to thread her fingers in the spaces between Beca's. It makes Chloe realize not all had been lost in the weeks since their performance at the semi-finals.   
  
"I'm so happy you came back, Becs."  
  
Beca smiles before she responds. And it's one of those rare Beca Mitchell smiles that don't have a shred of sarcasm hiding in the corners.  
  
“Me too, and I’m glad you told us about your surgery. Now we can make a set with all the right parts for you, instead of forcing you out of your comfort range.”  
  
A quiet hum of approval escapes her throat at the comment and they continue walking, now in silence.  
  
She wonders what moving forward will look like. How Aubrey and Beca might work together instead of pushing against one another. She wonders if Beca's made up with Jesse like she has with the Bellas, since he's sort of in the middle of all this drama too. And she wonders if there really is anything going on between them, despite Beca always assuring Aubrey there isn't. She thinks after all the emotional upheaval and then resolution the day brought them, asking about Jesse won't seem as loaded as it might once have.  
  
"So, what-"  
  
"Chloe, I-"  
  
She stops and laughs at how they interrupted one another at the same time.  
  
"Go ahead," she says.  
  
"No, you go," Beca responds.  
  
Chloe smiles and doesn't push it.  
  
“I was going to ask, now that Aubrey is finally loosening up, what really  _is_  going on with you and Jesse.”  
  
Beca doesn't respond right away, and Chloe can't read the expression that crosses her features. She waits patiently for Beca's answer.  
  
“There’s nothing between me and Jesse," she says evenly. "I mean, maybe there could be. But I don’t think he’s the right choice for me.”  
  
Chloe frowns before looking up.  
  
“I think you guys would be a very cute couple.”  
  
It happens again. That indecipherable expression comes back to settle on Beca's face. Chloe doesn't know what to make of it but she thinks maybe Beca is just unsure if she can admit to something as taboo as liking a Treble. They talk about it for another minute or two before Chloe remembers Beca was going to say something before, too.  
  
“What were you going to say?”  
  
Beca shakes her head like she's trying to clear it.  
  
"It was nothing," she says. Then she lets go of Chloe's hand and keeps walking.  
  
Chloe feels the wind slip through her fingers and she desperately wishes she'd made Beca go first.  
  
/  
  
This moment is perfect. Standing on the stage knowing without a shadow of doubt they'd just won the Bellas their first ever first place prize. Their set list was flawless, meticulously created by Aubrey and Beca. Chloe loved every minute of watching them work together and every moment leading up to this one was worth it in the end. The girls walk off stage, arm in arm, to take their seats and wait for that inevitable moment of victory. She can see Beca leading the way, like she's on a mission to sit down first for some reason.  
  
Except she doesn't sit down. She throws her arms around Jesse's neck and kisses him. And Chloe's smiles. It's like her knee jerk reaction whenever she sees any two people obviously happy. But her smile falls after only a few seconds, and she looks away. For what reason, she has no idea.  
  
/  
  
_Eleven Years Later_    
  
Chloe Beale is sitting in a rolling chair in a corner of her new clinic's lab space. She places a pink, blue, and purple lunchbox (a gift from Beca) on top of the counter along with a bottle of water.  
  
"What's for dinner tonight?" Jake, one of the lab techs, asks from his place across the room.  
  
"Leftovers," Chloe says, unzipping the lunchbox. She'd picked up a few extra shifts this month since Beca is away on tour. She figured it was a good way to endear herself to her new colleagues. Do them a few favors; help out on nights and weekends while she can. Plus Ginny loves to play with the other dogs in the boarding wing. That was one of Chloe's "must haves" when she began her search for a new job in LA. A clinic with a boarding service. "What about you?"  
  
"PB and J. Classic bachelor staple." he says, holding up half of a sandwich and laughing. "Does Beca have a show tonight?"  
  
Chloe nods, preferring not to talk with her mouth full. It's kind of weird, dating someone famous. She's never met so many people who were instantly interested in her relationship before. Beca keeps saying she'll get used to it, but so far it's still a little odd that everyone already knows her girlfriend when she mentions her name.  
  
"In Seattle," she says when she can speak clearly. "She should be about to go on in the next half hour or so."  
  
She glances down at her phone on the countertop. If she's being honest, she decided to take her break now in the hope that Beca would call before her show started. She's about to take another bite of her dinner when her phone starts to buzz on the countertop. And it's as if Beca could feel Chloe missing her even across the hundreds of miles that separate them because it's Beca's name lighting up Chloe's screen.  
  
"Speak of the devil," Chloe says with a radiant smile. She excuses herself from the room before answering the call. But the door hasn't even closed all the way when she presses the little green button that will bring her to Beca.  
  
"Hey, baby," she says quickly. The shorter her greeting the faster she'll hear Beca's voice.  
  
"Hey, Chlo. How are my girls today? Are you on break? I tried to time it out right."  
  
Chloe smiles and wishes Beca could see it. They're such different people but sometimes it's weird how similar they are.  
  
"Yeah, I am. It's been a quiet day today, but last I checked Ginny was having a good time. She made friends with a Komondor. It was actually pretty funny, I don't think she realized he was even a dog for a little while." She pauses to listen to Beca's laugh. "Are you going on soon? How's your day been?"  
  
"It's been good, but I miss you," she sighs. Chloe feels the same way. "It's gonna be a long month."  
  
"It's gonna be a great month, babe. I get to watch clips of new performances almost every other day."  
  
Listening to Beca sing has been one of Chloe's favorite things since they met all those years ago. But she's become a lot more vocal about what it does to her (and for her) since they started dating. And Beca's confidence has only grown, so her performances now are downright sexy.  
  
She hears Beca's laugh come through the phone, and she can practically see the smile sitting on her lips when she next speaks.  
  
"Keep it in your pants, Beale. I have to go on soon and I don't need to start out flustered."  
  
Now Chloe laughs, but she promises to keep her libido in check for the remainder of the conversation.  
  
"So, what's Aubrey been doing today while you work?"  
  
"She was checking out that deli we like so much for lunch last I heard," she responds. They talk for a minute about Aubrey's visit and what else Chloe has planned for the rest of their week together. But then, like Chloe knew she would, like Chloe knew she couldn't resist, Beca brings up the letters.  
  
"Will I get another one tonight?" she asks. Chloe can't help but smile, thinking back to two nights ago when Beca called her after discovering the first letter. She'd loved it. Just like Chloe hoped she would.  
  
"Guess you'll find out, huh?" she says.  
  
"Tease," Beca responds. "Okay, babe, I gotta go. I'll call you when I get back?"  
  
"Of course. Have fun, Becs. Try not to break too many hearts tonight."  
  
"No promises," Beca says. The words are quiet. Husky in that way that lets Chloe know she'll be looking up clips on Instagram all night.  
  
"Love you," she continues, louder this time. Without any double entendre.   
  
"Love you, too." She pulls her phone away from her ear only after hearing the tone that indicates the call is disconnected.   
  
She wonders if the letter is already there. If it's already waiting for Beca to find it. She can't wait to tell Beca her story this way. To tell her exactly how much she loves her and how everything happened for her. She can see the words clearly, the ones she'd written down weeks ago before sliding them into an envelope with _Beca_ in the middle and a little number 2 in the corner.  
  
These were the words for her love:  
  
_Dear Beca,  
  
I believe I promised you a story. The first part is about how I fell in love with you the first time.  
  
It wasn't love at first sight. Or even second sight (though I couldn't complain about the view even then).  
  
It was slow. So slow that I didn't even realize anything was changing. It was the kind of change that happens so gradually, you don't even see it, even when you're looking for it. It started the day I heard you sing.   
  
But every interaction with you after that during your first year at Barden added to it. And I mean all of them. From the way you would smile at me, to the way you eventually let me inside your walls. You know I still remember the first time you let me hug you? The first time you held my hand?  
  
And I've said it before, how I can't believe I never realized what it all meant. I can't believe I never took an extra second to ask myself why I wanted you around so much. Why it was so important that we were friends.  
  
It took me years (don't judge me), but I eventually figured it out. Why I loved being close to you. Why, even after the Bellas came back together and even after I knew we'd win that national title, I couldn't bring myself to leave yet.  
  
So yes, it was slow. But no less real. Without even realizing it, I'd fallen in love with you.  
  
And I'd spend the next several years completely oblivious to it.  
  
But I'm getting ahead of myself. And the story. You'll have to wait for your third letter to hear more.  
  
For now, I'll say goodnight. I hope you have sweet dreams tonight, baby. I hope they're of me.  
  
All my love,  
Chloe_


	3. Chapter Three

**Chapter Three**  
  
_Fall 2012_  
  
That first summer after senior year (Part I) is spent counting down the days until she returns to Barden. Chloe's never been the biggest fan of summer vacation anyway. She much prefers the company of her Bella sisters to the company of her disapproving parents. And this summer is particularly fraught with their remarks on her education. Why didn't she graduate? Why hasn't she changed majors yet? What will she do when she does graduate and can't do anything but teach or write? (As if those career choices are also a waste of time.) So she spends as much time away from them as she can. She spends her days in the sun. She reads obscure books and sees old friends. She misses new ones.  
  
On the day she returns to Barden she doesn't even try to hide her glee from her parents. She says goodbye to them at the airport and heads for security. She doesn't look back even once. There's too much to look forward to.  
  
She's the first back to the Bella house, and she isn't surprised. She'd booked the earliest possible flight she could. So she spends a few hours alone, unpacking things in the same second-floor room she's had the last three years. It's a little weird being here without Aubrey. But she doesn't let it dampen her spirit. It'll be packed soon enough with all the other girls she's grown to love.  
  
She's just setting her laptop down onto the old rickety desk that's been there for untold generations of Bellas when she hears a car door shut through her window. She walks over and pulls the sheer curtains aside to peer through the blinds. Walking towards the front door, luggage rolling along behind her, is someone that makes Chloe's lips pull into a smile instantly. She'd recognize that faux-punk look from a hundred yards.  
  
She dashes downstairs, arriving at the front door only seconds after it opens. And before she even thinks to give any warning, she yanks Beca Mitchell into her.  
  
"Welcome back!" she says, holding Beca in place. She'd missed her far more than she would have anticipated, and was only too happy to stand there for a second or two longer than what would usually be considered normal hugging time. "I missed you this summer."  
  
"Uh, yeah. Me, too," Beca says awkwardly, instantly affirming that she hasn't changed at all. It makes Chloe smile as she finally lets go and takes a step backward.   
  
Chloe explains the rooming situation as Beca pulls her luggage further into the house and closes the door behind her. She isn't surprised when, not ten minutes later, Beca says she'll take the third floor loft. For all the progress Beca made last year in letting people in, she still leans towards seclusion most of the time. Chloe doesn't question it. She just helps Beca carry things upstairs, happy to finally be in her company again after the three long months of summer.  
  
When the other girls start to arrive she leaves Beca to finish unpacking. And Chloe can't stop smiling. She can't stop laughing in the company of all these crazy girls. Her heart sings its approval. She's finally home.  
  
After everyone arrives, but before they can really settle into their reunion celebration, Beca announces she's already leaving. It's the first time Chloe's smile falters all day. But she doesn't dwell on it. She's got all year to hang out with Beca Mitchell.  
  
/  
  
_Spring 2013_  
  
When she finds herself at the end of another year at Barden, she finds herself having to make the same choice she's made before. Stay, or go?  
  
She knows she doesn’t want to be in college forever. It’s just… maybe she’s not entirely sure what she  _does_  want yet. She’s not entirely sure she’s gotten everything she could out of Barden yet.  
  
And looking back over the year, the choice seems easier. She loves being a Bella. She loves the competitions, the music. She loves the feeling of sisterhood.  
  
She loves these girls. How they each bring something different to the table. Stacie's late night stories. Making dinner with Jessica and Ashley. Froyo runs with Fat Amy. Monster movie nights with CR.  
  
It's her time with Beca though that gives her the most reason to think she’s not done here. The most reason to think it won't kill her to stay another year.  
  
Captaining the Bellas together has been amazing. They work so well together, and their ideas complement each other effortlessly. But really her favorite moments with Beca are the quiet ones. The ones with no one else around. Ones like the present.  
  
She's sprawled out on Beca's bed. There's a book of poetry propped against her knees and her laptop is off to the side. A titled, but otherwise blank document waits open on the screen.  _Death and Sunlight: Symbolism in the Writings of Dylan Thomas_  
  
She turns back to her book, ready to dive into the next stanza of her current poem. And there's something about it that grips her. There's something there she identifies with, even though she has a hard time putting her finger on exactly what.  
  
"What do you think this means, Becs?" she asks, getting Beca's attention away from her own laptop as she works at her desk. Beca turns around and leans back in her chair, waiting.  
  
_"Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,  
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,  
Do not go gentle into that good night."_  
  
She reads it slowly, letting each line sink through her skin. When she looks back up, Beca's just staring at her, her expression unreadable. It's not the first time Chloe's caught her wearing it. And it isn't the first time she's wondered what's going through Beca's mind when she sees it.  
  
"Any ideas?" she prompts.  
  
Beca smiles like Chloe knew she would. It’s the smile that says  _‘You should know better than this.’_  
  
“I dunno, dude. You’re the expert. What do _you_ think it means?”  
  
Chloe thinks about it. About the metaphor of sunlight being life and nightfall being death. And what it might mean to grieve the sun. What it might mean to be wild.  
  
“I think,” she starts, training her gaze on the words, “it means even the bravest, most adventurous of us, the people who’ve made the most of their lives, can still sometimes find themselves at the end wishing they had more time. Even the wildest want more time in the sun.”  
  
She looks up at Beca, who still stares at her thoughtfully from her desk chair.  
  
“I guess it’s easy to have regrets, huh?” she eventually says.  
  
Chloe searches Beca’s face, over features that are so familiar to her, for some deeper meaning to Beca’s words. But she thinks Beca, unlike her books, isn’t as easy to read.  
  
“Do you wish you had more time? Here, I mean, obviously. With—with us,” Beca continues when Chloe doesn’t say anything.  
  
And now Chloe can’t help but smile. She’ll always want more time with Beca Mitchell.  
  
She doesn’t graduate again.  
  
/  
  
_Spring 2014_  
  
Is super senior even still the appropriate term when it’s one’s third go around at it? Chloe’s not sure but she stopped caring a long time ago. It’s movie night in the Bella house and they’re just about halfway through their first film for the night.  
  
She’s sitting in her favorite armchair, a heavy green blanket thrown over her lap and a bowl of popcorn balanced on the armrest. The volume of the movie is much louder than is really necessary, but movie nights aren’t exactly quiet affairs with these girls. Chloe spends her time shifting her attention between the actors on screen and the conversations around her. She wouldn’t change a thing about it.   
  
It’s during a scene change that Beca gets up from her place on the couch to get another drink. As soon as she’s over the threshold leading out of the living room Amy pounces on the newly vacant spot. She’d been the last to arrive before starting the movie and had therefore been stuck with the most uncomfortable papasan chair ever built. Chloe had actually suggested to Aubrey the year they became captains that they get rid of it, but Aubrey said it would incentivize the girls to be on time to meetings lest they be the one who got stuck sitting in it.  
  
She watches the entryway leading back from the kitchen for Beca’s return with a smile, knowing Beca will protest the theft of her precious favorite spot.  
  
Sure enough, she doesn’t make it three paces into the room before she notices she no longer has her place anymore.  
  
“Oh, hell no. You can’t take my spot! We all beat you here tonight, fair and square!”  
  
Chloe laughs, wondering how much Beca hates herself for saying something like  _‘fair and square’_  in front of everyone.  
  
“Rookie mistake, B,” Fat Amy says around a mouthful of popcorn. “The chair really isn’t that bad.”  
  
Chloe presses her lips into a thin line of mirth at the words. It really  _is_  that bad. And Chloe knows Beca. Knows that movie night isn’t her favorite night of the week as it is, so if she wants Beca to stay she’s going to have to offer her something better than the chair.  
  
“Come on, Becs,” she says, moving closer to one side of her much more comfortable seating arrangement. “There’s room for both of us here.”  
  
Beca looks at her like she isn’t sure that’s a viable option either. Chloe just rolls her eyes though (the gesture has really been rubbing off on her) because she knows she’s the exception to Beca’s weird boundaries.  
  
“I’ll share my popcorn with you,” she says more quietly, raising both of her eyebrows a few times as if to imply some strange euphemism.  
  
With a huff, Beca eventually drops into the space next to Chloe. Chloe tosses her a smile and some of the blanket over Beca’s legs as well, before putting the bowl between them. She balances it between Beca’s right leg and her left. And she’s not any less comfortable than she was five minutes ago, but there’s something about sitting this close to someone that makes Chloe want to snuggle. So she’s patient, but as soon as she thinks Beca’s done with the food she takes the bowl and puts it on the ground next to her chair. And then she shifts into Beca’s side. Beca stiffens, and Chloe wonders for the briefest of moments if she’ll squirm away, but then like usual, she relaxes. It lets Chloe know this is okay.  
  
They finish the movie this way, and if it weren’t for the all the girls talking over one another Chloe might have fallen asleep in such a comfortable position. But when the movie ends Beca gets up again.  
  
“Where you going, B? We’ve already got another movie lined up,” Stacie says as she gets up to stretch her legs.  
  
“Oh no. You guys know the deal. One movie is my quota. I’m going over to Jesse’s,” she says. “Amy… don’t bother waiting up,” she adds on with a grin. She leaves the room to a chorus of hoots and whistles. But Chloe looks down, preferring not to think about her best friend that way.  
  
Her side is already cold without Beca there next to her.  
  
/  
  
_Winter 2015_  
  
Something isn't right. The Bellas have been spiraling out of control ever since the end of last summer and Chloe has no idea what to do or how to fix it. She'd decided not to graduate _again_ after their third consecutive ICCA win, and was rewarded for that decision with the knowledge that the Bellas would have several summer performances because of it. Which meant she didn't have to go home once classes were over for the year.   
  
And it all started out fine, but by the time the Kennedy Center performance was upon them they just didn't work together as a group anymore. Beca was... pretty lax about rehearsals over the summer. She never pushed for more practice time and she didn't ask for Chloe's help with their sets nearly as much as she used to, which meant a lot less hangout time than Chloe expected for their summer together. And honestly, some part of her just thought Beca wanted some time off from captaining. She thought surely the problem would correct itself once class was back in session and they had an actual competition on the line. It wasn't just about a national title anymore. This was for the _world_ and surely that was a big enough deal to get Beca motivated again.  
  
And yet, here she is. On a bus back to Barden, with nine other girls who are all arguing over whose fault it is that yet another performance went awry. And she's had enough. Chloe watched this group almost fall apart co-captaining with Aubrey because of her ridiculous need for control. She won't watch it happen again just because her current co-captain doesn't want any. She stands to get all eyes on her.  
  
"At times like these, there's only one thing for us to do," she says calmly.  
  
"Fake your own death, and flee the country," Flo says in that perfectly deadpan way she's so good at.  
  
And while that _almost_ sounds like a reasonable solution, Chloe doesn't think the situation is that desperate yet. She just needs the girls to all be on the same page again. She and Beca need to be on the same page again.  
  
"Close," she responds. "We're going on a retreat."  
  
She sits back down, satisfied over the assertion of her captaincy, to find Beca looking at her from across the bus. She feels like it's been forever since Beca last really looked at her. And it makes Chloe realize how much she's missed that stormy shade of blue.  
  
/  
  
_Spring 2015_  
  
Aubrey told her that springtime would be best for the Bellas' retreat because it'd be a bit warmer and therefore less miserable in the tent overnight.  
  
So she planned it for the weekend after returning from spring break. She didn't see any point in getting their shit together just to all separate again when break started.  
  
It starts out a bit rocky. Beca is reluctant to participate in pretty much all the activities Aubrey has planned for them. She has something antagonistic to say at every possible opportunity and Chloe doesn't know when Beca reverted to the freshman year version of herself. And she doesn't know when Beca stopped caring about the Bellas but it breaks her a little bit to come to that realization.  
  
And she tries to be gentle about it at first. She tries to appeal to Beca's softer side in the tent, to be vulnerable with her in the hope that she'll open up in return. But Beca shuts everything down. She pulls away from her touch and completely dismisses Chloe's confessions. She physically turns away from her in order to get out of the conversation.  
  
And it breaks Chloe just a little bit more.  
  
The next morning, Chloe finds herself at the final snapping point. The place she fears might not be repairable if even one more thing cracks. She's angry and hurt. She misses Beca _so much_ even though she's only feet away.  
  
When Beca finally says she's done Chloe suffers a split second of deciding to let her go. A split second of giving up. But then she remembers herself. She remembers that she doesn't give up on people. She's a believer.  
  
She's about to go tearing off after the dark little cloud that's been following Beca for months but something else catches Beca first. There's a tiny part of her that can't help but feel vindicated, looking up at Beca in the bear trap net. But it gives way to fear the moment the branch suspending her starts to crack. The fear doesn't let up until Beca's safely on the ground again.  
  
It's while she's taking a cold shower that afternoon that she realizes maybe she and Beca lost their sound because they're not the same people they were three years ago. Or even twelve months ago. Maybe Beca just isn't interested anymore in the kind of closeness Chloe's always craved from her. So she decides to try and help Beca find a new sound for their friendship. She decides to give her a little more space.  
  
When they sit down that evening around the fire, Chloe doesn't take the seat next to Beca like she wants to. She sits herself down farther away. And when she opens her mouth to sing, she can't help the tears that sit unshed in her eyes. She can't help that it sounds just a little melancholy. But she smiles anyway because Beca Mitchell is finally singing with her again.  
  
"Did we just find our sound?" Beca asks when it's over.  
  
Chloe nods. "I think we did."  
  
And maybe it isn't the sound she wants for them.  
  
But it's better than silence.  
  
/  
  
_Summer 2015_  
  
It's been hard, holding back around Beca. Not snuggling with her during movie nights or going up to her third floor loft bedroom as often to do schoolwork together. Not that she really ever needed a study buddy. She's been intentionally failing for the last three years. After she decided this will actually be her last year, she took pleasure in writing essays that actually made sense. She enjoyed finally getting to unload her thoughts on _Anna Karenina_ and _The Death of Ivan Ilyich_. But still, she misses those moments with Beca. Reading excerpts out loud to her or listening to snippets of Beca's latest projects.  
  
She wonders what their friendship might turn into when they're no longer tied together by Barden or the Bellas.  
  
And it's enough to give her anxiety. To make her worry about actually losing Beca when all this is over. She and Aubrey may have been able to carry on their friendship after Aubrey graduated but will Beca make the same effort?  
  
So she forgets to care about Beca's resurrected boundaries when they're on stage at World's. As soon as she hears the announcer say "United States" she knows they've won, and she doesn't waste time launching herself into Beca's embrace. If this is their last time on a stage together she's going to make sure she gets it right.  
  
Her heart soars even higher when she feels Beca wrap her arms around her back.  
  
She's missed that so much.  
  
/  
  
She's pretty much packed, for all intents and purposes. Her possessions, at least, are ready to go back to her parents' house until she can figure out her next move. But she isn't.  
  
Through a little laughter and even more tears she's made each Bella promise they'd all see each other soon. She's given her goodbyes and her love to all of them. All but one.  
  
She saved Beca for last. Not knowing quite what to expect but wanting to make sure they had a proper goodbye.  
  
She pulls in a deep breath before knocking on the front door of Beca's father's house.  
  
"Hi," she says when Beca opens the door. She takes a shot at a smile. Beca doesn't like tears.  
  
Beca steps aside, letting Chloe through the entry. "All packed up to head home?" she asks.  
  
"I feel like I'm leaving home behind," Chloe says honestly. And she feels new tears prickle right beneath the surface. She shoves them down as she walks into the living room and drops onto the couch.  
  
Beca changes the subject, clearly uncomfortable with the potential of that line of conversation. And for a few moments Chloe forgets all about her sadness over leaving, because now she's too excited for Beca and all the possibilities of what living in New York could mean for her.  
  
They talk for a few moments about Beca's new job, putting off the inevitable. But that naturally segues into what Chloe's doing after leaving Georgia to go back home.  
  
“I’m trying not to think about it. My family and I… aren’t exactly close," she says. It's something she doesn't often like to talk about, mostly because she's found people don't often know how to respond to such information. But she's always felt safe talking about it with Beca. She understands difficult family relationships.  
  
She's looking down at her lap when she thinks she hears it. A quiet offering she'd never expect from Beca. Three improbable words.  
  
"Come with me."  
  
Chloe looks up, searching storm waves for proof she heard correctly.  
  
"What did you say?" she asks, daring to hope Beca might not want to say goodbye just as much as she doesn't. Things have been a bit better between them since winning World's. After they arrived back home Beca broke up with Jesse. When Chloe asked why she had only said things hadn't been right between them for a while and it was just something she knew she had to do. Chloe attributed Beca's distant behavior all year to the stress of her relationship and the stress of captaining the Bellas. Now that she was free of both she wasn't acting so aloof anymore, much to Chloe's pleasure.  
  
"Come with me. To New York," Beca says, pulling Chloe out of her quiet thoughts. "I’ll need a roommate anyway because my salary is apparently shit." She finishes the offer with a laugh, and Chloe suspects it's to make the moment seem lighter. But Chloe's heart beats faster nonetheless.  
  
After Beca assures her that the offer is real, Chloe lets herself finally smile.  
  
"I knew I couldn't say goodbye to you yet," she says before leaning across the cushion between them and pulling Beca into a hug. Beca doesn't respond with words, but Chloe feels them in Beca's arms at her back. In the smile that she aims right at Chloe when they finally part.  
  
They spend the rest of the afternoon looking at cheap flights and shitty apartments. But Chloe couldn't be happier.  
  
/  
  
_Eight years later_    
  
It's late and Chloe should really be sleeping because she has to get up early to take Aubrey back to the airport in the morning. Then she has to work the evening shift at the clinic after that. But instead of laying down to chase dreams, she's propped upright against her pillows. Her laptop is open on her thighs, and she waits for the unmoving screen to come to life.  
  
She hasn't been waiting long. Beca texted her when she'd arrived back at her hotel for the evening, and they had a Skype date planned for the moment she's in more comfortable attire.  
  
She's mindlessly scrolling through Instagram on her phone when the tell-tale ringing notification chimes from her laptop. She answers the call quickly, impatient to see Beca's face.  
  
And then she's there, rosy-cheeked from just having removed her makeup and shooting Chloe a smile she can practically feel through the screen.  
  
"Hi," Chloe says with a smile of her own. It comes out almost in a whisper, despite her heart fluttering away in her chest. God, Beca is beautiful.  
  
"Hey, Chlo," Beca says back. Her voice sounds tired but happy. "How are my girls?"  
  
Chloe opens her mouth to respond but Virginia beats her to the answer. Her head had perked up from her place at the foot of the bed at the sound of Beca's voice, and now she's weaseling her way under Chloe's arm to get a look at the screen. Settled and comfortable, she whines at the screen, just loud enough to be heard.  
  
"I know, V. I miss her, too," Chloe says quietly. She scratches behind velvet ears while she looks back up. She can't get enough of the view either.  
  
"Hey, Ginny!" Beca says, leaning closer to her own screen in San Francisco. "Are you being good while I'm gone?"  
  
Ginny yips in that way she always does when Beca asks her a question. Chloe loves how they interact. It seems so natural, like they really do understand each other.  
  
"How are you, babe?" Beca asks, returning her attention to Chloe. "Are you sure you won't be too tired tomorrow after staying up this late?"  
  
Chloe isn't sure at all.  
  
"You're worth needing a little extra caffeine," she says instead. "How was your show?"  
  
They fall into easy conversation then just like always, screen or no screen between them. Ginny dozes off quickly, lulled into dreams by the sound of the two voices she loves most. They talk about Beca's show and the tour and the fans. They talk about Chloe's last day with Aubrey visiting and the animals currently at the clinic. They talk about when they'll get to see each other again.  
  
"I hate that I'm in the same state as you and still have to be with you through a computer," Beca admits with no small amount of dejection.  
  
And yeah, Chloe hates it too. But the timing was all wrong and Beca had a show in Denver the day after tomorrow anyway.  
  
"I know. I miss you, too," she says. And she does. She misses every single detail of seeing Beca every day. She misses waking up holding her. Catching the smell of her perfume in the hallway. Hearing her music filter through the walls. But she also knows that dwelling on those things won't bring Beca back to her any quicker. "But we've already got a week down. Three more will pass in no time."  
  
Despite the inconsistent quality of the video connection, Chloe still sees the smirk that blooms on Beca's lips at the words. The one that says she knows Chloe's just bullshitting her way through this to make it seem better.  
  
"If you say so," she says airily.   
  
"Have you read your letter yet?" she asks, curious.  
  
Beca shakes her head and leans out of the view of the camera for a moment. When she returns, Chloe can see the white envelope in her hands. She can see her own handwriting and a little number 3 on the front. The back is still sealed.  
  
"I really can't wait to read this," Beca says, looking at her and smiling, "but I was even more impatient to see you."  
  
Chloe smiles. She doesn't think she'll ever get tired of Beca's brand of romance.  
  
They talk a while longer, and Chloe forgets about how long the next day is going to be. It's too easy to pass time looking at Beca. But when she yawns, Beca seems to remember Chloe's schedule.   
  
"Bedtime for you," she says with a little smile. And as much as she wants to protest, she knows she needs at least a little sleep.  
  
"Call me tomorrow?" she asks.  
  
Beca nods before speaking. "I'll make sure it's before Aubrey leaves. She'd kill me if I ditched before she arrived _and_ didn't call to say goodbye."  
  
Chloe laughs because it's probably true. "You know her well," she says. "Goodnight, babe. Love you."  
  
"Love you too, Chlo," Beca responds looking right at Chloe with warmth in her smile. "Night."  
  
Chloe takes a last look at the screen before hitting the end call button, and she can't help but laugh again at the sight of Beca already ripping the envelope off her letter before the feed disappears. She wishes she could be there with her, watching her face as she reads these words:  
  
_Dear Beca,  
  
It will be a while before I get to the second time I fell in love with you. I guess that first fall will have to last us a little longer. If that's okay with you?  
  
The rest of our time at Barden was... interesting. I can see now the reason you pulled away that last year, but at the time it was so frustrating. All I wanted was to be closer to you.  
  
Jesse was another of my frequent annoyances. Of course, I never told you then how I wished you'd stay a little longer. Or that I wished you weren't spending the night with him. I didn't have any good reason why you shouldn't do those things, so it always felt silly to think about saying something out loud. I was so oblivious to everything when it came to you that I also didn't recognize my feelings about him for what they were. Deeply rooted (and apparently buried) envy.  
  
I think the combination of those two things, not having the friendship I had for three years with you and always coming second to Jesse (gosh I was dense) is what really made me snap that last year. I also knew that would be our last year together whether I graduated or not because I knew you would. It made me feel desperate to get it right because it was my last chance.  
  
It all ebbed a little after winning World's. But that anxiety was swiftly replaced with new anxiety over having to tell you goodbye. Did you know I saved you for last? I put it off until I didn't think there was any time left because the thought of it was so unpleasant. I cried on the way to your dad's house that day. I was unsure what our friendship would look like after I left. I was unsure of what you might want because you'd been keeping me at arm's length for so many months.   
  
When you asked me to come with you to New York I thought surely I'd misunderstood. It was too perfect. I didn't want to lose you OR go home to my parents and with one sentence you stopped me from having to do either. Even now, all these years later I still have to laugh at myself for how quickly I said yes. It's another of those moments when I should have realized what that said about my feelings. But, as we've long since determined, I wouldn't learn the value of inspecting them for a long time.  
  
When I think about the defining moments of our relationship, both before and since being with you romantically, that's one of the ones that spring to mind first. That moment when you chose to risk heartbreak to keep me around, and when I chose the unknown in New York for the same reason.  
  
But I'm starting to get ahead of myself again. There will be more time for New York in your fourth letter. Until then, know that I'm missing you terribly. Know that I can't wait to see you and have you in my arms again.  
  
All my love,  
Chloe_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter until we get to the original material from the last story! I hope you all are enjoying Chloe's side of things so far and as always, leave me a comment if you're feeling kind. Until next time!


	4. Chapter Four

**Chapter Four**  
  
_Summer 2015_  
  
"I can't believe we actually did it, Becs," Chloe says from her place on the couch. She's exhausted and sweaty. She could really use a shower but she's not sure which box has the shower curtain and she doesn't much feel like getting up to look for it yet.  
  
"I know," Beca responds, looking around the tiny space that's officially theirs. "So how are we spending our first night in New York?"  
  
She glances at Chloe from her end of the couch expectantly, and when Chloe doesn't answer right away she continues. "If you try and tell me you haven't planned out our first celebratory 'We made it!' evening here I'm calling shenanigans."  
  
It makes Chloe burst into laughter, because yeah, she may have thought of a few ideas over the weeks leading up to this day. They're finally in New York City, and they could do anything they wanted.  
  
She skims through her list quickly, looking for the perfect fit. If she were here with Aubrey, they'd probably go straight to Time's Square just for the ambience. If it were Stacie, they'd be going to a club to dance the night away and have their drinks paid for by willing bachelors. She and Fat Amy would find the best food they could afford and would drink cocktails on some rooftop bar somewhere.  
  
But she's here with Beca. Beca, who would do any of those things with Chloe if she asked but whom none of those things quite fit. Not for tonight, anyway. So she doesn't suggest any of them. She looks around the room. At the rickety table they'll share dinner over. The one bathtub they'll have to plan their getting ready schedules around so no one is ever late. The boxes and boxes of their things, waiting to come out of their cages and make these walls their home.  
  
"I'm thinking we put on some killer dance music, drink champagne out of plastic cups, and make this place ours," she says. When she looks back, there's sunlight pouring through the storm waves.  
  
"Is that really how you want to spend our first night?" Beca asks.  
  
"Yeah," she responds simply. "It is."  
  
"Then you, ma'am," Beca says while standing up, "have a deal." She holds out her hand and Chloe happily takes it so she can be pulled to her feet.  
  
"Okay, you get the music. I'll get the drinks and then the first thing we need to do is find that damn shower curtain," she says while Beca laughs.  
  
Several moments later, she sends the cork flying while the opening beats to Beca's latest mix paint the walls.  
  
It's the perfect first night.  
  
/  
  
_Fall 2016_  
  
Having Fat Amy move in with them really hadn't changed the dynamic all that much.  
  
They still had movie nights in piled up on the fold out. They still went for walks in Central Park when the weather was nice. All that really changed was that they had to accommodate a third shower time and they started making dinner for three instead of two. Oh, and they were still sharing the fold out to sleep on every night. But Beca hadn't mentioned anything about figuring out a different arrangement and Chloe didn't mind. She was always the snuggle type anyway, so on those infrequent mornings when she'd wake up flush against Beca's back she didn't see any reason to fuss. She'd always liked being close to Beca, and sharing this tiny space had brought them closer than they'd ever been.  
  
And yeah, maybe the situation isn't perfect. Having a place with actual walls would be more ideal in a lot of ways. But she doesn't complain. She's too busy having too much fun.  
  
/  
  
_Spring 2017_  
  
She'd worked a few odd jobs shortly after arriving in New York two years ago. As it turns out, most schools didn't want to hire an English Lit teacher without a degree in education. Not that she'd ever tell her parents that. So she worked wherever was hiring. Coffeehouse barista. Waiting tables. The money wasn't that bad. She supposed her looks and general Chloe-ness had a lot to do with her tips. But while those jobs paid the bills, they didn't fulfill her. She didn't want to make a career out of being a waitress. It wasn't until she applied to an open position at a veterinary office that she found something she really loved.  
  
Being a vet tech isn't glamorous. She does a lot of the grunt work so that the doctors' jobs are easier. And sure, some days make her want to go home and drink the first alcoholic beverage that falls into her hands. But mostly? She just loves it. She loves helping sick animals get better and she loves helping healthy animals stay that way.  
  
She's laying down in the fold out, thinking about her day at the clinic and waiting for Beca. She's been getting home later and later every night due to a project she's working on at the recording studio, but Chloe always likes to stay up to welcome her home. She likes talking to Beca before falling asleep. When they face each other in the fold out and talk about how each of their days went. And for the first time, she's seriously considering the possibility of going back to school instead of just being tempted by the idea. But it isn't until after Beca gets home and gets in the bed that she says anything.  
  
It's as they're laying there that she tells Beca, in a whisper so it won't wake Fat Amy, her little confession.  
  
"I think I'd like to be a vet," she says. "For real."  
  
Beca doesn't miss a single heartbeat before she responds.  
  
"I think you'd be an amazing vet, Chlo."  
  
Chloe smiles, thinking through Beca's words.  
  
"Think I'm smart enough for vet school?"  
  
And then Beca's the one to smile, letting Chloe know there isn't a shred of doubt in her mind.  
  
"I think you could kick vet school in the face, dude."  
  
They talk for a few more minutes while the possibility settles further and further into a plan in her mind.  
  
The next day, she looks up the requirements for applying to the nearest program.  
  
By the end of the week, she's registered for online courses for every prerequisite she'd need and had a promise from each vet at her office to write her letters of recommendation.  
  
And she'll never forget exactly the way Beca's voice had sounded when she'd said how proud she was.  
  
/  
  
_Spring 2018_  
  
Most people would probably be surprised to find themselves hopping on a red eye across the Atlantic with barely a moment's planning. But not Chloe. She's always been a gone with the wind kind of person. Besides, she'd have to be crazy to say no to a European vacation with all her best friends in the entire world.  
  
She _had_ been a little surprised to see how quickly Beca said yes, though. She would have thought it would take a little convincing. But Beca seemed to be harboring her own excitement over the trip and her smile was infectious. So instead of being surprised for very long, Chloe decided to just enjoy the ride.  
  
When they arrive on base, they're greeted by two soldiers, both clad in traditional army fatigues. She can't help but stare at one of them because he might be one of the most beautiful men she'd ever seen. And, a quiet voice in her head whispers, it had been a while since she let someone hold her attention.  
  
There just always seemed to be something in the way of chasing a romantic partner. Something bigger. Like winning a capella competitions or moving to New York or searching for the right job. But now everything in her life seems to lining up neatly. All the little ducks are sitting quietly in a row. So, she thinks, while biting her lip during the soldier's welcome speech, maybe there's finally time and space for that particular duck too.  
  
Her mind wanders down that rarely used path as they're led inside, and the only thing that really vaults her back into the present is the temptation to sing with her girls. Right here and right now.  
  
They show the other bands, with perfect execution if she says so herself, how a riff-off works and what the rules are. And her heart swells because it's been far too long since they were all in the same space. And even longer since they last all sang together. Aubrey's having more fun than Chloe's ever seen her have in a riff-off before. Emily still sounds as amazing as she ever did. She's missed CR's voice more than she realized. She looks around at her girls, expecting Beca to jump in like she always does with the perfect song but she's mostly hanging back. She's helping the others, sure, but it takes Chloe slightly by surprise to see Beca at the back of the group.  
  
She doesn't have long to question it though because they've still got a job to do here. So she puts it aside and jumps back in the fray. But it's like bringing a knife to a gun fight. The Bellas sound _amazing_ but the other bands are flouting the rules, using instruments and working together to shut the Bellas down. When Beca finally does jump in, a hush falls over everyone else.  
  
Her voice has always had that effect. Always been capable of commanding the attention of anyone within listening distance. Chloe lets it wash over her, and feels her heart slow down in response to something so familiar and soothing.  
  
And okay, _Human_ might be an unexpected song choice. She feels like it maybe exposes their vulnerabilities, but she'd never dream of asking Beca Mitchell to stop singing.  
  
Which is why she gets really angry when the other bands silence her, again with their instruments. Don't they know she could have listened to that forever?  
  
When they decide to just walk away, Chloe wills herself not to hear the laughter aimed at her back. She looks for Beca, intent on telling her how wonderful she sounded and to ask about the song choice, but finds that she's already fifteen feet away with Emily.  
  
"Ready to go to the hotel? We've got the cars waiting outside."  
  
A new voice pulls her eyes away from Beca. And when they find the source, she finds Chicago, that beautiful, beautiful man, standing next to her.  
  
She lets herself walk with him instead now, and for the moment, forgets all about why Beca chose to sing _Human_.  
  
/  
  
Their first performance would have been flawless had it not been scheduled at the same time as lights out on the base. She's not worried about it happening again though, because Aubrey had some choice words for the coordinator before Zeke and Chicago escorted them back to their hotel for the evening.  
  
And of course she wants to win. She couldn't have been a Barden Bella for seven years without the desire to win competitions forever engrained into her personality. But for once, it takes a back seat to just having fun with her sisters. For once, she just wants to sing and explore and try new foods with her best friends at her side.  
  
So they discuss strategy while also having an unplanned pajama party with sweets and junk food. Only two people are missing. Emily, who already confirmed she'd be there soon, and Beca, who has been uncharacteristically quiet ever since they arrived on base. Chloe's about to get up and go looking for her when she hears a knock on the door.  
  
Cynthia Rose gets up to answer it, and Chloe hears the smile in her voice when she opens it to whoever stands on the other side.  
  
"Come on, girl, we've been waiting for you," she says, before stepping aside so Beca can walk over the threshold.  
  
"I didn't know I was late," she says as she looks around the room. A slight furrow pulls at her brow.  
  
Chloe explains about the pajama party and Beca glances down at herself and her pajama-free state. She looks nice, Chloe thinks, before sending her spoon back into the depths of the peanut butter jar she's holding hostage. Beca's always been able to pull off the dark skinny jeans look better than anyone she knows. But right now the night's attire calls for sleepwear, so she tells Beca to get changed and come back so they can do this thing properly.   
  
And she has to wonder if it's a trick of the light or just her imagination when she thinks she sees Beca's shoulders fall as soon as she turns around.  
  
/  
  
Emily's arrival had put an early end to their slumber party. But Chloe has no reason to complain when the new plan is to dress up and go on an adventure.  
  
When they arrive at the fancy hotel Khaled is allegedly staying at, they pair off and split up. She's not sure what the game plan is if they _do_ find Khaled, but she's happy to be walking around with Beca.  
  
They stop a few times to watch various gamblers spend their money. At Chloe's insistence, they have a drink at the first bar they stumble upon. And it's nice. It almost feels like home, running around with Beca. As much as she will always love Bella reunions, she also loves those moments of just being with her best friend. And whatever funk Beca's been in since arriving seems to be ebbing, because she's finally starting to act like herself again.  
  
They're walking back through the lobby to regroup when Chloe spots someone from Khaled's team. The same guy who approached Beca before their performance is right by the elevators and Chloe doesn't know why she feels they should hide but she does. So she moves forward quickly, pushing Beca backwards and (poorly) concealing them behind a potted tree.  
  
She's looking through the fronds and wondering how they should approach the guy when Beca draws her attention back.  
  
"Dude, what is... what is this about?"  
  
She looks back and feels herself frown in mild surprise. She knows she pushed Beca out of the way but she was fairly certain her hands had found Beca's arms or shoulders to do it. Certainly not... where they are currently resting.  
  
And then, because she's Chloe and can't help herself (she _had_ told Beca once upon a time that she regretted never doing any experimenting), she watches her own hands move against Beca's chest.  
  
And there goes her imagination again, she thinks, because she swears she hears the tiniest intake of breath come from Beca's mouth right before Aubrey finds them and asks what the hell they're doing.  
  
Chloe's not exactly sure what the correct answer is because she hadn't had long enough to figure it out. So she brushes it off to make things easier.   
  
Before she knows it, or has had any time to think about what just happened, the attention is put back on the guy that made them jump out of the way in the first place. Beca takes the lead, and with very little effort on her part gets them an invitation upstairs. Chloe follows with the rest of the girls, watching Beca talk to him as they go. She watches him as his eyes stray over Beca's face, the interest plainly visible in his features.  
  
And it's silly, because Beca's a big girl and make her own choices, but Chloe can't help but hope he's good enough for her attention, if she chooses to give it.  
  
A few hours later, they all stumble back into their own hotel for the night, somehow miraculously fine after the terror that was unleashed at Khaled's party. She takes a shower to get the smell of smoke out of her hair and then throws herself on top of the cool sheets of her bed.  
  
She spreads out, enjoying the novelty of a whole mattress to herself after years of going without it. But the pleasure of it doesn't last long. And that night, she drifts in and out of sleep.  
  
She surprises herself when she realizes that she really kind of misses Beca's warmth.  
  
/  
  
Somehow, the debacle in Khaled's penthouse hadn't gotten them kicked off the tour. And they'd (mostly) all decided that all this rivalry was for the birds. If they only had three more days to sing together on stage then they should be having fun, not worrying about whether or not they were winning.  
  
It was both exhausting and thrilling to go to sleep in a different country every night. After Spain, they performed for the troops in Italy. Then Greece. And on the day of their last performance she finds herself in their fanciest hotel yet in the south of France. On her left, she catches blue water winking at her as she walks through the lobby. On her right, blue eyes that crinkle in the corners as Chicago smiles at her.  
  
They haven't had much chance to spend any real time together. Not that she'd dream of giving up time with her girls for some boy she'd just met, anyway. But he did always manage to borrow a few minutes whenever they found themselves near each other. And that, she can't complain about. She likes him. His eyes and his smile and his voice. She likes the way it sounds while he talks about having a second family in the army. She likes that he understands the Bellas are hers. She watches them as he talks. At their goofy smiles as they take selfies, and the way Beca just takes the cookie from Fat Amy like it's the most natural thing in the world. It makes her smile. The Bellas have always been her family, but if she's being honest with herself, she knows Beca holds a place just a little higher in her heart. A place slightly bigger.  
  
She's about to say goodbye to Chicago so she can go join them when Beca catches her eye across the space. And Chloe smiles again, because that's always been her reaction when Beca looks at her. But this time it falls, because Beca doesn't smile back. After only a second, she turns away, leaving Chloe wondering _again_ why Beca's been so hot and cold on this trip.  
  
/  
  
Their last performance isn't scheduled to start until after nightfall, but they're hoping to hear news on the winner of the competition before then. Since their afternoon is free, Aubrey suggests they all go exploring a little in the streets of Nice. Find some food, have a drink or two. And Chloe tries to stall, because Beca isn't with them and she isn't in her room and Chloe really doesn't like the last look they shared in the lobby. She wants Beca with her again. She wants to know everything is fine. When she can't wait any longer, she sends a text, hoping it won't be long before Beca rejoins the group from wherever she's gone off to.  
  
**Chloe** : Beca! We're all going out for le dejeuner (is that spelled right? whatever, it’s French for lunch and I'm trying it out) and you are not here. Come back to me so we can have cocktails and French food together.  
  
She tries not to let it get to her that her phone remains silent, and answer-less, as she walks down French streets without her best friend.  
  
/  
  
She had hoped they'd seen the last of this trip's danger in Khaled's hotel room that first night in Spain. But as she sits hostage on the open end of a crazy man's yacht, she realizes this is much, much worse. Amy hadn't been kidding when she'd said her father was a bad man.  
  
She doesn't know how they're going to get out of this, but if Amy knows they're here, Chloe knows she'll think of something.  
  
She thinks about the text to Beca and how she's been bitter about the silence from her all day while they wait. An hour ago she'd been hoping Beca would show up any minute. Now she's glad she never did, if only to not be involved in this now. She's hoping Beca is somewhere safe when she hears her voice right behind her. She whips around, shocked and, for the first time in her life, disappointed to see Beca Mitchell next to her. Chloe doesn't want her anywhere near this mess.  
  
But, if Beca's here then Amy must be too. And hopefully they have some sort of plan to get them all out of here. So she has no idea how getting everyone up to sing could be part of the escape, but she doesn't question Beca when she mentions it. They take over their captain roles like it hasn't been three years since they last wore these shoes. And then, they sing. Chloe waits for some sort of signal or direction from Beca, because she knows one is coming. Until then, she'll just sing.   
  
Because she trusts Beca with her life.  
  
/  
  
The sun is already rising when they finally get back on dry land. Chicago and Zeke show up, heaping warm blankets on them all and apologizing over and over for letting this happen. But none of the girls say anything. They're just happy to have all made it out unscathed. They'd obviously missed their performance from the night before, too. But nobody was particularly upset about that either. It's funny what a little perspective can do.  
  
And, thanks to the henchmen who'd forced the girls to leave their phones on the stretch limo before boarding the yacht, none of them had been sacrificed in their watery escape. They were also swiftly recovered by French police, and when Chloe had gotten hers back, she'd been shocked to have a voicemail from the Dean of Admissions congratulating her on her acceptance to the vet school she'd applied to and interviewed with before leaving for Europe.  
  
She's sitting at the little table next to Beca, thinking about how she's about to begin the next chapter of her life when Amy reveals Khaled had picked Beca to win the competition. But her excitement over that revelation is short-lived, quickly replaced by confusion when Beca says she turned down the offer.  
  
Chloe frowns instantly. It's easy for her to walk away from this trip without having won. As is it, she expects, for the rest of the Bellas. They all have dreams outside of music. But not Beca. She's always wanted to make music. To Chloe, Beca _is_ music. And every cell in her body protests Beca's rejection. She's about to say so, too, but Amy, followed by the rest of the girls, say it for her.  
  
It seems the group realizes Beca needs a little bit more of a push, so they all take turns sharing what their next step will be. That there _is_ a next step after this for each of them, and that Beca's is the offer from Khaled. When it's Chloe's turn, she announces her acceptance to vet school. And she realizes all over again that even if this was the last time they'd all sing together, that it's okay. Because singing isn't what makes them Bellas. It isn't what makes them family.  
  
As Beca and Amy stare each other down, willing themselves not to cry in front of everyone, Chloe smiles because she knows it's something else holding them all together.  
  
"She loves hugs," Chloe says when they finally fall silent. "We should give her one."  
  
And Beca protests but she knows it's for show. She gets there first and wraps her arms around Beca's shoulders, presses her cheek against Beca's temple. The rest follow, creating one huge group hug.  
  
No, it isn't the singing, Chloe thinks again. It's this.  
  
/  
  
"Which two of you ladies are Chloe and Amy?"  
  
Chloe looks up from her front row seat, to find an assistant with a clipboard in his hand and a Bluetooth speaker in his ear looking amongst the Bellas.  
  
She catches Fat Amy's eye, who looks just as confused as she does. Tentatively, remembering the "assistant" from the day before who actually turned out to be a kidnapper, she raises her hand halfway into the air. Amy does the same.  
  
"Miss Mitchell requests your presence backstage before she goes on," the assistant continues briskly. And Chloe can't help but smile because Beca already sounds like a big deal.  
  
They get up to follow him, after Chicago assures them he's an actual member of Khaled's team. When they arrive backstage, she sees Beca standing by the edge, looking into the crowd. She looks beautiful, and every bit the star Chloe knows she's destined to be.  
  
"What's up, Becs? Are you nervous? You're going to be great," she says when Beca spots them.  
  
Beca thanks her and then proceeds to make a very cryptic request of Fat Amy. Chloe's not sure what Beca has planned for her performance but she knows whatever it is will be amazing. After Amy assures her that she understands, Beca urges her back to her seat, leaving the two of them alone.  
  
Beca moves a step closer, taking both Chloe's hands in her own, much to Chloe's delight. She knows Beca doesn't really mind all the affection Chloe pours on her, but it's always extra special when Beca's the one that reaches out first.  
  
"I need a favor from you too," she says.  
  
Chloe waits for the request, wondering if it'll be just as strange as the one she made of Amy.  
  
"Just... listen to the lyrics for me, okay?"  
  
She frowns, not understanding. Of course she's going to listen to them.  
  
"Is that all?" she asks.  
  
Beca doesn't hesitate before smiling and affirming that's it. Chloe wants to ask more, but she doesn't get the chance because one of the many people running around backstage is telling them Beca's about to be introduced.  
  
Chloe goes back to her seat quickly, and when Beca finally does walk out on stage, Chloe leans forward, eager. When she starts to sing, her heart slows down again, the way it always does when Beca's voice fills the air around her.  
  
She recognizes the song after the first lyric, but she doesn't know what Beca means by it. She hopes whatever it is, it's an explanation for why she's been pulling away on this trip, but she can't quite make the dots connect.  
  
Beca's always been hard for Chloe to read like that.  
  
Before long, she's pulling them all onto the stage, with Fat Amy in the lead. And it's perfect, getting the unexpected chance to sing one last time with them all. She can't remember the last time she was this happy.  
  
Like with every song Beca sings, it ends too early. But Chloe's waiting there, ready to catch Beca after her first solo performance. Her heart soars even higher when Beca doesn't hesitate to throw herself into Chloe's arms. As the rest of the girls converge on them, she can't help but voice her curiosity.  
  
"What were you trying to say?" she asks, knowing the answer won't be simple enough to say here.  
  
"Later," is all Beca says, but Chloe hears the promise and it's enough.  
  
They all run off stage together after Beca takes a final bow and walks away first. And she isn't expecting to find him waiting, but when she sees Chicago she doesn't hesitate. The night has been too perfect and he's too handsome. He smiles right before he catches her, and she kisses him.  
  
When he brings her back up, she gives him a smile that promises more, but right now she wants to be with her girls. With Beca. She feels a bit ridiculous, but mostly confident when she asks him to come to her room later.  
  
She finds Aubrey first, and when she asks about Beca, Aubrey tells her she's been whisked away by the music execs. She tries not to be disappointed and focuses instead on having fun with the rest of the girls.  
  
But she can't help but search the rest of the night for storm waves.  
  
/  
  
_Five years later_  
  
Chloe's sitting in one of the several deck chairs watching Ginny run around in their back yard. The sun watches over them both as it slips closer and closer to the horizon.  
  
She pulls at the sleeves of her light jacket. October in southern California is definitely not the same thing as October in New York, but the temperature does drop enough to be chilly when the sun starts to sink in the sky.  
  
She misses Beca. She wishes she were here, sitting here with her or running around in the grass with Ginny.  
  
It's enough to cause an ache in her heart. One that she knows won't abate until she hears her voice later this evening. One she knows she still has several hours more to endure.  
  
She thinks about what Beca's doing right now, and wishes so badly she could be there to see it. She thinks about that first solo performance in Nice. The one she loved, but didn't understand all those years ago.  
  
She thinks about the letter that's waiting on Beca tonight. The one that was almost hard to write because it made Chloe think about how badly Beca was hurting that night.  
  
She thinks it makes her miss Beca even more as she remembers the following words she'd written weeks before:  
  
_Dear Beca,  
  
New York. Now that I understand better what was really happening with you when we lived together I have a lot of mixed feelings about those three years.  
  
At the time, I'd never been happier. I was so selfish with you. For the first time, I finally had all of your attention to myself. And honestly, I think that's part of what stopped me from realizing my feelings sooner. There wasn't anyone around anymore to make me need to inspect my feelings. I was just... happy.  
  
Having Amy move in with us should have been an inconvenience but it never was. There was never a time when I hated telling you goodnight only inches away, or waking up accidentally wrapped up with you. And isn't that ridiculous? What grown ass woman doesn't realize what means?  
  
Of course now, I don't think of that time so fondly. It kills me when I remember how difficult that must have been for you. To be literally so close to what you want but to never actually have it. It kills me that you thought I could never love you back.  
  
By the time we'd left for the USO tour I was just so used to the way our friendship had evolved. And sure, I got lonely sometimes; it was unavoidable I think when I'd been single for as long as I had. But I had you and I had Amy and those moments of loneliness were always short-lived.  
  
Was I still in love with you then? I'm not sure. I think maybe I wasn't anymore by that point. Otherwise I don't think I'd have been so interested in Chicago. I think you were definitely special in a way none of the other Bellas were, but I think most of the repressed feelings I'd had for you in college had faded.  
  
This letter isn't about that though, or him. In fact, I almost skipped over this time in our story for your letters. But it's important. Without him, who knows how much longer you would have held onto your secret. Or how everything might have played out differently.  
  
So because he plays a part in me eventually being with you I had to include it. Just know that the time after meeting him haunts me now, because I know how much you were hurting.  
  
I wish I could say your next letter would be back to happier times, but, like Chicago, our story isn't complete without smears of shadow in sunlight. We don't often talk about them (for good reason), but they're part of our story. Part of my story and how I would eventually fall in love with you that second time.  
  
So bear with me, baby. I really think it'll be worth it in the end.  
  
As always, know that wherever I am as you read this letter, I'm missing you terribly.  
  
Until I hear your voice again I'm sending you all my love,  
Chloe_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter with material from what we've seen in the movies. Thank you so much for all of the kudos and comments so far! Every single one warms my heart.


	5. Chapter Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure if this counts as a trigger but I'd much rather be safe than sorry with regards to my warnings. That said, you may remember Chloe coming home after losing an animal at her clinic in the last story. This chapter includes that, but it's from Chloe's PoV so I just want to make sure it doesn't surprise you. It's not graphic because I couldn't handle that myself, but I'm including this warning anyway.

**Chapter Five**  
  
_Spring 2018_  
  
The day after Beca’s debut is a day just for the Bellas. No pressure to prepare for a performance, no stress. Just a whole day for Chloe and her friends to explore Nice. Her excitement over its potential makes her realize she should have been planning trips like this one since they all graduated.  
  
She wakes up ready to go that morning. She’d had such a fun night out with her friends after Beca’s song, and then a little bit more fun with Chicago behind the closed door of her hotel suite. And after telling him goodnight and watching him walk away from the threshold of her room, she’d fallen straight to sleep, exhausted from being on such an emotional high for so long.  
  
Now fully refreshed and excited, she walks into the lobby to see most of the other girls already there in varying states of not fully awake yet. She scans them all, looking for who she knows will be the least alert of the bunch. She smiles when she sees Beca sitting at a little table alone, a disposable coffee cup between her palms.  
  
She sits down in the other chair by the table and makes small talk, despite knowing Beca’s wearing the face that says it’s much too early for all that. But Chloe can’t help it. The new fancy music executives Beca now works for had whisked her away before Chloe had the chance to talk to her last night. Plus, if she’s being honest with herself, she wants reassurance that nothing is going to drastically change right away. Beca’s now a signed artist and Amy’s a multimillionaire. And Chloe’s… still just Chloe. She knows they probably won’t want to all stay in that little New York studio for much longer, but she isn’t ready to tackle that inevitability yet. She needs to know they’re still hers for a little while longer.  
  
She’s a bit surprised when Beca changes the subject to Chicago. A few of the other girls had noticed their flirting and had asked her about it but Beca never had, nor acted like she even cared. But Chloe just dives right in to the question. She spares a few of the more intimate details, knowing Beca would shut it down quickly with a “TMI, dude!” if she went too far. But still, she can’t help but notice that her features seem strained as Chloe talks. And that Beca doesn’t quite meet her eyes when she responds. It makes her wonder how much sleep Beca got the night before.  
  
When Aubrey comes over to let them know the cars have arrived to escort them away, Beca bolts up. She tosses the rest of her coffee in a waste bin on her way out the door with a visible pout. Chloe makes a mental note to buy her more when they arrive at their first stop.  
  
They have a good day exploring the city, but it’s always in the back of Chloe’s mind that this is their last full day together. It’s always sitting right there in a quiet corner that tomorrow they’ll all go home. And Chloe doesn’t know how much longer she, Beca, and Amy will all call that the same place. So she distracts herself with French scenery and the laughter of her friends. She takes pictures of everything, so no moment will fade away forgotten. She makes sure to have pictures with all of the girls, preserving an instant with each of them. When she takes her photo with Beca, she sends up a silent thank you into the ether for being able to capture her laughing. She knows it’s the first one she’ll have printed when she gets home.  
  
/  
  
Dinner ends a little abruptly that night, but Chloe doesn’t mind because Beca’s suggestion to take a walk on the beach is just perfect. They make their way down to the sand, and Chloe breathes in the salty air. Moonlight glitters over the water, making the night brighter despite leaching color out of everything it touches. Everyone is smiling or laughing or talking in twos and threes. Every Bella but one.  
  
Beca walks alone, her eyes on the sand with Chloe’s favorite smile nowhere to be found. And it pulls at something in her chest. Beca should never look so lonely. She sidles up to her, thinking now’s as good as time as any to ask what’s been going on since arriving in Spain.  
  
“You okay, Becs?” she asks. Beca shakes her head like Chloe’s made her realize where she is again, and Chloe slips her hand into Beca’s, offering silent comfort. Her palm is cool against Chloe’s skin.  
  
“Yeah, I’m good,” she says. And it sounds honest. “Why do you ask?”  
  
Chloe thinks it’s obvious but maybe Beca doesn’t realize she hasn’t been herself.  
  
“You’ve just, I don’t know exactly. Been quieter today, maybe?” She says it gently because she doesn’t want Beca to think being quiet is bad. But she also wants her to remember Chloe will listen to whatever thoughts she isn’t saying out loud. So she elaborates. “No, that’s not right. It hasn’t just been today. It’s been this whole tour.”  
  
Beca looks at her for a split second like she wants to say  _something_ but the expression vanishes before Chloe has time to really inspect it. So she keeps going.  
  
“I just wanted to make sure you’re okay. We haven’t had much time just the two of us on this trip.”  
  
And in true Beca Mitchell form, she deflects with humor. Chloe allows it for a second before coming back around. And she doesn’t let it go until Beca assures her she’s really fine.  
  
And the words still sound honest, but for the first time Chloe’s not sure if they are. She’s placated a little when Beca slips her fingers into the spaces between hers, so she doesn’t push it any further that night, and she changes the subject.  
  
“Bets on whether or not we can get Amy to go streaking into the water?”  
  
Finally, Beca laughs, and they discuss the best strategy for creating one more memory on their last night in Nice. Chloe tries her best to shake the worry inside her, but she’s confident Beca won’t keep her out for too long. If she learned anything the last time Beca pulled away, it’s that if she just gives her a little space, she’ll eventually come back to her.  
  
What’s the worst that could happen?  
  
/  
  
The next morning, Chloe finally lets free all the tears she's been holding back every time she's thought about the moment of farewell to her girls. She holds on to each Bella a few moments before saying individual goodbyes, giving each one a little of her tears and a lot of her warmth. She doesn't know when they'll all be together again so she's got to make sure they have enough of her love until then. She takes another, shorter moment to say goodbye to Chicago. She lets him kiss her once before she walks away, promising they'll talk soon and taking one last mental picture of the exact shape of his smile.  
  
Turning towards her gate, she quickly catches up with Beca. She's beyond relieved she isn't going home solo like the rest of the girls, and she needs the antics of her two crazy roommates to keep any more tears at bay.  
  
Once they're on the plane, Chloe breaks her promise to herself to give Beca some space not even twenty-four hours after making it. In her defense, she hadn't anticipated sitting two inches away from her for eight hours. So really, the lack of space wasn't technically her fault. When Amy announced she'd upgraded her seat to first class, Chloe naturally had taken the empty seat left behind next to Beca. There was no sense in all three of them sitting alone.  
  
They haven't been in the air long, and they're watching one of the movies offered by the airline on the back of their headrests. But Chloe isn't comfortable and Beca's _right there_ and all she really wants is to assuage that squirmy feeling under her skin that Beca isn't going anywhere.  
  
She pauses both screens, and gets only a questioning look from Beca in response to it.  
  
"This is no way to watch a movie," she says. She lifts the blanket she'd been using over her legs and, just as if they were back home, she throws it over both of them before moving closer. And Chloe's been inflicting cuddles on Beca long enough for them to have the routine down pat. Chloe comes closer and Beca makes room. That's how it's supposed to go. But this time Beca isn't being as accommodating and that feeling Chloe's trying to bury just gets bigger. She tries not to let it show in her voice when she speaks next.  
  
"Why so stiff, Becs? It's just me," she says lightly. And it seems to crack whatever reticence Beca had over the whole thing because she laughs and puts her arm around Chloe like she always does.  
  
Chloe presses play on the movie again when they're both comfortable. And it doesn't take long for Beca's breaths to even out, becoming longer and slower as she gets closer to dreams. Chloe doesn't say anything. She's wondered more than once on this trip how much sleep Beca's actually been getting.  
  
So Chloe just settles a little further in, happy to watch the movie alone as long as Beca's happy to hold her.  
  
/  
  
Whatever bubble that had kept them close on the plane seems to break as soon as they find their feet back on American ground. Beca is quiet all through de-boarding and baggage claim. On the ride home and even after walking through their front door. Beca catches her looking more than once, and each time Chloe tries to put the question in her eyes. And she tries to make sure that reassurance is sitting next to it.  
  
_What's wrong? Let me help._  
  
But she may as well have been trying to say nothing for all the good it did. Beca never held her gaze long enough anyway. By the time Chloe's unpacking her things, Beca still hasn't said much and her curiosity finally gets the better of her.  
  
"Penny for your thoughts?" she asks quietly. Amy had already gone to bed but Chloe's hoping Beca will be more open if it's just the two of them.  
  
"Amy's right," she says, her eyes unfocused. "Jetlag is a bitch. My brain feels slow."  
  
Chloe doesn't reply. Because there's barely a shadow of doubt in her mind now that _something_ is going on with Beca and while it hurts that she won't let Chloe in, it hurts even more that she's lying about it. So Chloe gathers the things that belong in the bathroom from her suitcase and deposits them. Then she comes back, unpacks a few more things, and looks at the huge pile of clothes that needs washing.  
  
"God, I've got to do laundry tomorrow," she says, stalling for time and putting off the moment she looks in Beca's eyes just to see the lie still sitting in them. She decides she doesn't want to confront her though, and remembers she'd told herself she was going to give Beca some space. So she goes with something safer as a response.  
  
"Go to sleep, Becs. It’s already past midnight back in France right now and you couldn’t have slept well on the plane."  
  
She's not looking at Beca when the reply comes, but it doesn't surprise her.  
  
"I don’t wanna end up waking up in the middle of the night," she says. When Chloe looks up again Beca is already putting her shoes back on, despite how exhausted she must be. "I think I’ll go get some coffee so I can stay up a while longer."  
  
"Want me to come with you?"  
  
The question is out before she can even think about it. So much for giving space. Why is this so _hard_?  
  
"No."  
  
_That_ response, though, does surprise her. Not that Beca declined the offer but that she did it so swiftly and without any cushion of softer words. Chloe tries to control her facial expression but she's pretty sure she looks like a kicked puppy anyway. And Beca must notice because she backtracks a little with flimsy excuses.  
  
But Chloe doesn't care about them. She just wants to know what's wrong.  
  
So she takes a moment to search for words, gentle words, which might sound safe to her best friend.  
  
“Beca, I—if something’s bothering you, you know you can tell me. Right?”  
  
She waits, searching the blue in Beca's eyes for anything that might tell her what this is about.  
  
"I know," Beca eventually says. The two words are quiet, heavy with the weight of their confession. And while they don't reveal anything about the nature of Beca's secret, they are an admission that there _is_ a secret being kept.  
  
Chloe remains quiet again, standing with the echo of those words in her head while Beca walks out the door without waiting for a response.  
  
The impulse to chase her is almost overwhelming, but Chloe masters herself and for once, chooses to let Beca Mitchell come back to her on her own.  
  
Beca had promised she wouldn't be out long, but the sun bade its farewell hours ago. Chloe has enough time to take a shower, put on pajamas, brush her teeth, and get into bed to wait in the time she's gone. But even then Beca still hasn't returned. She lies awake, staring at the ceiling as the minutes slip by her. And despite the urge, she doesn't text or call Beca. For once, she's going to see through the promise to be patient.  
  
Her will to wait battles with her exhaustion. The flight home had been tiring enough, without all the excitement and drama they'd experienced on the trip. She closes her eyes, if only to stop their aching. She'll hear Beca come through the door.   
  
So it surprises her when she feels a gentle dip in the mattress and realizes she must have fallen asleep. She's not sure what time it is or how long Beca's been gone. She's just relieved she's back.  
  
"I'm glad you're home," she says quietly. The words are an offering. An invitation for whatever conversation Beca keeps deciding not to have.  
  
"Yeah, I... I went for a walk."  
  
Chloe closes her eyes again, hating that Beca is still keeping her out. She sifts through different scenarios in her mind, looking for the one that might give her the best chance at offering Beca some sort of comfort for whatever she's dealing with.  
  
"Becs?" she finally says, hoping Beca hadn't fallen asleep in the time it took her to choose her words.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
She takes a breath and just hopes for the best.  
  
“I know something is on your mind. And you don’t… you don’t have to tell me what it is," she starts. And then she goes for broke. "But I… I feel like whatever it is, it’s pulling you away and I dunno I—I like it better when you’re close.”  
  
She doesn't know why it makes her feel so vulnerable to say the words. Beca already knows they're true. Hell, all the other Bellas probably know they're true, too. But she _does_ feel vulnerable. Exposed. She tries not to linger on the possibility that it's because she's unsure of how much that feeling is reciprocated.  
  
She'd hoped Beca would hear the plea in her tone and offer reassurance, even if she didn't offer her secret. But she doesn't give either. She doesn't even answer at all and Chloe hasn't felt this kind of disconnect from Beca since their last year at Barden. Chloe sighs, willing the tears away before Beca can see them.  
  
"Sweet dreams, Becs," she says quietly, admitting defeat.  
  
"Sweet dreams, Chlo."  
  
Beca turns her back on her then and gets comfortable while Chloe's first tear sinks into the mattress.  
  
/  
  
It feels like no time has passed when her alarm starts ringing the next morning. She turns it off and lays there a moment, staring at the ceiling and willing the day to be a good one.  
  
She looks at Beca, who had at some point turned over in the middle of the night to face her. Her features are completely smoothed out, her shoulders relaxed. For the first time in days she doesn't look weighed down.  
  
Chloe takes a breath before looking away, and gets up to begin getting ready for work. She would have liked another day to relax at home, but her bills wouldn't. She's just pulling the top of her scrubs down over her head when she hears Beca's voice, quiet and still scratchy from sleep.  
  
"Back to work already?"  
  
She smiles and makes her reply light, hoping it will carry into the rest of their conversations for the day.  
  
“We’re not all famous artists and millionaire heiresses in this apartment, Becs,” she says playfully.  
  
“Millionaire heiress? That has a nice ring to it,” Amy says from her side of the partition. When she pushes it aside a moment later, Chloe can't help but grin. Amy's mismatched pajamas and crazy hair are completely at odds with the deeply satisfied look on her face.  
  
Beca cracks a joke about Amy's new status while Chloe begins brushing her teeth. So her mouth is full of toothpaste when she hears Amy's reply.  
  
“Maybe I could put this money to good use though. Help us get an apartment with actual walls," she says thoughtfully, looking around their little space. And Chloe doesn't care if her mouth is full of froth; she'll leap at any idea that will keep them all together longer.  
  
"Now you're talking!" she says quickly, before turning back around to the sink to finish. Amy and Beca begin talking then about the night before, and Chloe takes the opportunity to excuse herself from the conversation. She catches Beca glance at her once though, and it's a confirmation that there's still something they aren't talking about.  
  
She doesn't say anything else until Beca mentions that she's been invited to Miami next week to work on a new project.  
  
"Beca!" she shouts, turning away from the mirror to look at her properly. "Why didn't you say anything sooner?!"  
  
"What's the project?" Amy asks.  
  
Beca assures them she hadn't been holding out on them, saying that's all the information she has. With no more news on the table, Amy goes back to her side of the apartment with a few parting words. And Chloe finishes out getting ready for work by grabbing a granola bar for her walk. Normally, she'd leave now with nothing more than a "See you later!" over her shoulder, but she has to make sure Beca knows how happy she is for her. How much faith she has in her.  
  
She swipes her keys and phone into one hand before making her way to Beca's side of the bed.  
  
"I'm really proud of you," she says quietly, letting Beca know the words are just for her. Then, before she can talk herself out of it, she leans down and kisses Beca's temple. It warms her heart that Beca doesn't stiffen up this time and just lets her.  
  
With that, she offers a quick goodbye before heading out for the day.  
  
The day at the clinic is pretty routine. Her coworkers are happy to see her, as are the animals she works with. As much fun as she'd had in Europe, she really did like her job and she was good at it, so she was happy to be back too. One of the vets often liked to say that animals have their own language, one that few humans understand. She'd told Chloe on her very first day that Chloe knew it though. It was something Chloe was oddly proud of.  
  
She's just handing over an adorable border collie back to his owner after some routine vaccinations when a man runs in, panic on his face and a bundle in his arms.  
  
Chloe knows that look, and she hates it. She knows whatever is in that bundle is going to break her heart, but she forces that down for the moment in order to get him and a doctor into an exam room.  
  
The man isn't there long. The doctor assures him with gentle words that there's nothing he could have done differently. Chloe holds herself together while he's with them, knowing if she follows this career path she's going to have days like this one. Knowing she's going to have to hold it together sometimes for the sake of someone else. But when he leaves without what he came in with, she feels the first tears escape.  
  
The vet thanks her and tells her to go home early, and she doesn't argue because she feels like she wouldn't be able to concentrate anyway. She texts Beca as she walks out.  
  
Maybe something is a little off with them right now but Chloe needs her best friend.  
  
She doesn't have to wait long for the reply. And she already feels a little better after reading the words.  
  
**Becs** : I'm almost home now, and I'll wait for you. See you soon, Chlo.  
  
By the time she walks through their front door, tears have been falling steadily enough to surely leave their marks on her face. She sees Beca in the kitchen, standing next to what looks like empty brown paper grocery bags on the table.  
  
"Chloe?" she asks. "What happened? Are you okay?"  
  
She walks over to where Chloe's standing and takes her hand, and then pulls her gently until they're sitting on the end of the foldout. Chloe tells her about the puppy in between new sobs. She's not sure why it's affecting her so much. This isn't the first animal that couldn't be saved on one of her shifts. But whatever the reason for her emotional state, it's making it harder and harder for her to talk coherently.  
  
Beca stops her after a few moments, knowing Chloe doesn't need to finish the story. She just needs someone to catch her tears. She feels a gentle hand on her back, soothing away the tension in slow circles. Chloe leans into Beca's warmth, her forehead against Beca's neck. Her tears find homes in the collar of Beca's t-shirt.  
  
They sit there quietly for a few moments but then Beca comforts her in a way only Beca can. She starts to hum softly, and Chloe can feel the gentle vibration in her cheek. She takes a deep breath, finding solace in the sound.  
  
And when Beca starts to sing, Chloe's heart slows down to that natural resting pace it takes up whenever she hears that voice. She sinks a little further in, thankful for Beca's willingness to just hold her like this.  
  
Her voice gets softer as she gets closer to the end, and by the time she finishes Chloe's tears have stopped. She takes another deep breath before sitting up straight again, and when she finds Beca's eyes, she offers a silent thank you. Beca nods once, and then Chloe gets up to rinse her face in the bathroom sink.  
  
And she's probably pushing her luck, because Beca's boundaries seem to be finding new life as of late, but Chloe just wants to be close to her a little longer. So she crosses her fingers and asks anyway.  
  
"Can we watch a movie? Something funny? I could really use it."  
  
Beca looks at her for a split second before her lips pull into a small smile.  
  
"I'll get my laptop ready. You're on popcorn duty though."  
  
And Chloe just smiles back, happy for this semblance of normal. Even if it might only be for tonight.  
  
/  
  
The next morning, she's almost done getting for work when her phone starts vibrating in her pocket. She smiles when she sees the number, knowing it's Chicago calling for the first time since they left France.  
  
"Hey, you," she says quietly, letting a little playfulness leak into her voice.  
  
"Hi," he says simply. Chloe loves how deep his voice is. "How's my favorite a capella singer?"  
  
"Know many a capella singers, do you?"  
  
He laughs before responding. "The exact number is... unimportant."  
  
And now she laughs before she can stop herself. She tamps it down quickly and looks at Beca to make sure it hadn't woke her up. But she lays motionless, blue eyes still behind their lids.  
  
"I miss you," he continues. "Can we Skype soon?"  
  
She swipes her keys out of the bowl by the door, and walks out without a second glance.  
  
"I miss you, too," she says as she's closing the door behind her. "And yes, I'd love to."  
  
She talks to him all the way to the employee entrance at her clinic. And it's easy conversation. She feels just as comfortable talking to him this way as she did face to face. It's a good sign, she thinks. She ends the call before walking inside, with the promise of talking again soon.  
  
Thankfully, her workday is easier than the day before. Or at least it doesn't give her any reason to cry. And by the time she's heading back home for the day she feels worlds apart from how she felt yesterday at the same time. She's thinking of possible ways to thank Beca for the night before (Maybe making her favorite meal for dinner?) when she walks through the door but one glance around the place tells her Beca isn't home. She feels disappointed for a moment, but decides to make the meal anyway. Beca's got to come home and eat eventually. She pulls out ingredients from the refrigerator and from the pantry and sets to work. She keeps expecting Beca to come home any minute but when the front door finally does open again it's Amy, back from wherever it is she goes during the day.  
  
"Smells good, Red," she says the moment the door closes. "Have you told Beca you're making her favorite?"  
  
Chloe shakes her head, peeking into the oven before answering. "I was hoping to surprise her."  
  
Except, when it's done Beca still isn't home. And Chloe thinks there's no use in both her and Amy eating it cold so they have dinner together. If Amy notices that Chloe seems disappointed she doesn't say anything. By the time they're done, they're still the only two home, so Chloe packs up the rest and puts them into the refrigerator.  
  
And she'd wanted to give Beca space, but now she's starting to worry because she hasn't heard from her all day.  
  
"Ames, can you text Beca and see when she's coming home?"  
  
There. Technically she's not breaking any self-imposed rules. Though she does have to shrug off an odd look from Fat Amy. A few minutes later she gets her answer.   
  
"She says she'll be out late tonight and not to wait up," Amy says.  
  
Chloe nods, and has to work a little harder to shove down that feeling that something is just _wrong_.   
  
Later that evening, she writes a small note on a bright yellow post-it, letting Beca know dinner is in the fridge. She signs it with a little of her love and leaves it on Beca's pillow.  
  
She doesn't hear Beca come in that night. She must have been too far gone because she doesn't wake up when Beca gets in the bed either. When she does wake up in the morning, she's still alone, but she knows Beca was there. The little note she'd left on Beca's pillow the night before now rests on Chloe's bedside table. A slanted, slightly sloppy _Thanks_ sits underneath her words.  
  
Chloe stares at it for a few seconds. And there's a tiny part of her that kind of wants to cry.  
  
/  
  
_Five years later_  
  
"I think you should just skip tonight's show and come home to me," Chloe says, slipping as much seduction as she can into her voice. Beca will know she doesn't really mean it, but she doesn't mind the idea of making her think about the possibility for a small moment in time.  
  
"Seriously, dude? You're gonna say that to me right before I'm due on? You know I'm supposed to play it cool for the fans, right?"  
  
Chloe smiles, loving that she can fluster Beca so easily.  
  
"I'm not even sorry," she says. "Plus," she continues, her voice dropping lower, "there's something really hot about being the only one who knows you're turned on when you walk on stage."  
  
Beca sighs, but Chloe hears the smile around it.  
  
"Keep talking like that and you won't be the only one by a long shot."  
  
To this, she just laughs, relinquishing her hold over her girlfriend.  
  
"Can't have that," she says lightly. "Break a leg, babe. I'll call you in the morning?"  
  
"I'll count down the hours," Beca says. It's quiet, saturated in that tone that only Beca can manage when she's being sincere for a moment. When there's no sarcasm around to join in the timbre.  
  
"Love you," Chloe says back just as quietly. She hears Beca return the sentiment before she hangs up.  
  
It's hard, being without her. The phone calls and Skype dates and all the texts in between help a little with that feeling inside her that something's missing. Something big. But, like Beca, she's counting down the hours until they're together again.  
  
These last few letters haven't been helping, either. Every time she thinks of the words she's left for her love it makes her miss Beca more. But she knows remembering those moments of pain will only make the renewal of their friendship even better when Beca eventually gets to that part of the story.  
  
For now, she and Ginny start their nighttime routine. They go outside together. Then Ginny will wait while Chloe brushes her teeth. Then they'll get in the bed at the same time. And they'll miss the third member of their little family the entire time.  
  
In another city, in another state, a voice sings for thousands. Love is stitched into every lyric. The music dances over the crowd, slipping through fingers reaching for the sky and leaving invisible marks on every ear it finds. But it always moves on, looking for the way home.  
  
Eventually, that voice and the girl it belongs to will return to an empty hotel room. And when she does, she'll discover these words waiting for her:   
  
_Dear Beca,  
  
There were so, so many things I should have questioned after the USO tour was over. Like that last day in Nice, when I knew something was wrong but just took your word for it when you said there wasn't. I try not to beat myself up for not realizing the truth. But I wanted so desperately to believe you that I just grasped at whatever straws I found you holding out.  
  
You know, I promised myself I'd back off a little. Give you a little distance to let you figure out whatever you needed to. I was so sure you'd eventually come back to me. But then again, maybe it's that wishful thinking coming back around. In any case, I was about as bad as giving you space then as I am now. Which is to say, I was awful at it. And for whatever reason, my natural response to you pulling away has always been to step closer.  
  
Suffice it to say, I'm glad I haven't had to practice that art form in a really long time. Though, I was reacquainted with it for a short time after the Dark Ages. Don't worry; I'll get to that later. You'll want to hear about that.  
  
Coming back home, I didn't know how to find patience for you. Have I ever apologized for that? If not, then I'll tell you now. I'm sorry for the way I pushed you (pulled you?) to come closer. For always wanting to know your secrets and for being hurt you had them in the first place. I guess I was still just stuck in that place of not understanding what my emotions were trying to tell me.  
  
Feelings are hard, okay? But at least I'm doing much better with interpreting them now.  
  
Well baby, I'm almost done with the sad parts of our story. Hang in there for one more letter: The Dark Ages. I know you hate them but there are a few things I want you to know. Things that let me grow while we were apart. Things that made me ready to finally be with you when I found you again. That sounds like something I shouldn't skip over.  
  
After that I swear I'll get to all the good stuff. All those feelings that would eventually overwhelm me so thoroughly I couldn't help but fall in love that second time.  
  
Until then, have a little bit more of my love. I hope your show was the best one yet tonight, and I can't wait to hear every detail.  
  
So sweet dreams, my love, and when you wake I hope you think of me. I'll be thinking of you.  
  
Forever yours,  
Chloe_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you so much reading and commenting. Your thoughts warm my heart with each line. Also, you may or may not have noticed I've been uploading on Sundays... I wanted to say that, sadly, next Sunday probably will not feature an update. I have 60 hours coming at me this week at work so... look out for chapter six in two weeks! Until then, bless all you lovely people!


	6. Chapter Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again! I didn't think I'd have a lot of opportunity to upload tomorrow so I figured today would have to do ;) Also, I don't even know what happened with my word count. I just kept writing until all the words were down. Apologies for any errors. I found a few as I was proofreading but who knows if I got them all.

**Chapter Six**  
  
_Spring 2018_  
  
There's no denying it to herself any more, Beca's avoiding her. Ever since the morning she woke up to a post-it note instead of her best friend, Beca's been spending next to no time at home. She leaves a lot of the time before Chloe even gets up for the day, and she always comes home late. And Chloe doesn't know what to make of it because there's just no reason for anything to be wrong. During those infrequent moments when Beca _is_ home, Chloe watches her closely. Particularly the way she interacts with Amy. And a heavy weight drops into her stomach every time she deems that relationship unchanged.  
  
It drives her to madness, wondering what's different and why. Wondering why the strong cord that's always connected them feels now more like frayed threads.  
  
She hasn't said anything though. Not since the day after coming home from France. She tries to behave as normally as possible whenever Beca's around, to show her she's willing to be patient.  
  
As a reward for all her self-restraint, she finally lets herself text Beca on the night before her departure for Miami. If she was going to be gone for the next week then Chloe at least wanted to spend a little time with her before that. And she thought if she framed the request with enough levity, it might just work. After she eats dinner that night, alone again, she picks up her phone and navigates to Beca's text thread, refusing to feel down about how low her name is in the list of recent texts.  
  
She hopes Beca won't turn down her request for a movie night, and she breathes a sigh of relief when she responds quickly. Two texts back to back.  
  
**Becs** : No romcoms.  
  
**Becs** : Be home soon.  
  
She washes the few dishes that sit in the sink while she waits for her to get home. And when Beca finally does arrive, Chloe's just getting comfortable on her side of the foldout.  
  
"Hey, stranger," she says with a smile on her lips. She wants Beca to know she's happy she's home.  
  
It takes Beca a moment to respond, but when she eventually makes her way over to her side, she responds lightly enough. It makes Chloe think their movie night in will go just fine.  
  
They exchange a bit of small talk before determining that Chloe will be the evening's official movie chooser (as if she ever wasn't their official movie chooser). She's going through the list of non-romcom options in her head while Beca excuses herself to the bathroom. She doesn't get far into her search when she remembers they probably shouldn't use her laptop. It's seen better days.  
  
"Hey, Becs?" she asks, asking just loud enough to know Beca can hear her.  
  
"Yeah?" Beca calls back.  
  
"Can we use your laptop for the movie?" she asks, her eyes landing on Beca's bag.  
  
"What's wrong with yours?"  
  
Chloe reaches out and slides the bag closer, knowing Beca won't mind. She stopped guarding her precious laptop years ago.  
  
"The bottom corner of the screen doesn't light up anymore," she says as she unzips the bag and pulls out Beca's newer, sleeker computer. She presses the power button and waits for it to boot while Beca mentions that she should probably look into getting a new one before starting school again in the fall.  
  
"Yeah... I'll have to try tapping into Amy's more charitable nature before September..." she says, looking at the lock screen. She types in Beca's password and smiles when she sees the wallpaper. It was a photo Amy had taken before she moved in with them. They'd taken her to see the view from the Rockefeller Observation Deck during her first visit, and she'd snapped a photo of the city from seventy floors up. It hadn't been until later in the evening that Amy had labeled it "a true Bhloe moment" and showed it to them for further inspection. Off to the very side of the picture, Beca and Chloe stood close to the glass wall of the observatory, their backs to Amy and her camera. Chloe's arm was slung lazily around Beca's waist and they were both looking out over the city they'd come to love.  
  
That photo has been Beca's desktop wallpaper ever since and it never failed to warm her heart each time she saw it. She hears Beca say something about plugging the laptop into her charger when she pulls up the internet browser so she can navigate to Netflix. Her smile is instantly replaced with its inverse as she looks at what's on the open tab.  
  
An available apartment for rent. One bedroom. In Miami, Florida.  
  
Her heart clenches uncomfortably as she starts putting a potential future together in her mind. She stares at the screen for a few moments before realizing it's one of many open tabs, all boasting available places to live.  
  
Some in Miami, some in New York. But none of them look like a place they'd share. And suddenly it all clicks. Beca's leaving them. Leaving her.  
  
She hears Beca re-enter the room but she doesn't look up yet. She verifies that all the open tabs are for apartments with one bedroom only first.  
  
"You're looking at apartments in Miami?" she asks when she finally lets her gaze fall on Beca. Her heart clenches again when Beca doesn't immediately allay her fears. And that, for whatever reason, makes her angry. It's almost as if Beca doesn't even care that this could break Chloe's heart.  
  
"And in New York, I see. But they're all single bedroom."  
  
There's silence then, because Beca still doesn't offer an explanation. But Chloe's fresh out of patience.  
  
"Beca?" she asks pointedly.  
  
"I—" Beca starts, but suddenly Chloe finds she isn't done talking.  
  
“Is this why you’ve been pulling away lately? You knew you were leaving and just couldn’t wait to be away from us?” she says quickly, surprising even herself with the amount of venom in her voice. But she's been bottling up her frustration for too long.  
  
"Chloe—" Beca tries again, but Chloe cuts her off a second time.  
  
“And you know, I can’t even be mad at you for wanting your own place. I know this… situation… leaves a lot to be desired. But you couldn’t even tell us, tell me, you wanted to leave? Even Amy said we could look at other places together now. But I’m guessing that’s not something you’re interested in since you’re looking at all these places?”  
  
And as easily as she changed from fearful to angry, she changes again to deeply, deeply hurt because she hears the truth in her own words. Beca doesn't want to live with them anymore. Did she think distancing herself upon their arrival back home would soften the blow? Did she think it would ever be easy for Chloe to let her go? To say goodbye to her and wish her well on her new life in Miami? It spurs her into speaking again.  
  
“What if Khaled needs you to move to Miami? Were you just planning on skipping town? Would you even have said goodbye?”  
  
It's below the belt and Chloe knows it. But she doesn't regret the words. Some part of her needs to hear that Beca wouldn't do that to her. Even if she _would_ leave her behind.  
  
"You know I'd never do that," Beca says softly, and it sounds genuine. But underneath her earnestness, there's something that sounds a lot like pain. It makes Chloe stand up. It makes her want to put her arms around her friend and just force whatever's causing it to stop. But she doesn't go any closer. She couldn't take it if Beca pushed her away.  
  
“What’s going on with you, Becs? Can’t you please just tell me?”  
  
And there's that flash of a look again. The same one she'd glimpsed on the beach in Nice. The one she doesn't have a name for. The one that never sticks around long enough to be named.  
  
“I just think it’s time, Chloe," she says. And right away Chloe knows it isn't the truth. "Nobody wants a roommate forever. And with this new deal I can afford a place on my own and I just—”  
  
"You just don't need us anymore," she says flatly, saying what Beca won't.  
  
When Beca doesn't say anything to refute the claim, Chloe takes it as confirmation. She feels the first wave of tears threatening to fall when Amy bursts through the door, giving her enough distraction to smother them back. Their stance gives away the tension in the room right away, and after a few confused questions on Amy's part, Beca does what Chloe thought was an abandoned habit.  
  
She runs.  
  
Chloe snatches her own keys up and is about to slide her shoes on to go after her because she can't let this go now, but Amy surprises her.  
  
"Let me," she says, with more seriousness than is usual for her. "I'll bring her home, Red."  
  
And it kills Chloe to admit it to herself, but she thinks maybe Amy has a better chance of getting through to Beca right now. She nods once and puts the keys back down, conceding the role to Amy. Without another word, Amy walks back out again.  
  
Chloe sits back down on the foldout, the laptop screen still broadcasting the evidence of Beca's crimes against their friendship. She turns it away with more force than necessary.  
  
And their apartment has never held so much silence.  
  
/  
  
Amy and Beca return what feels like hours later but Chloe knows it hasn't quite been that long. But that's always how time travels when she's upset or angry. Slowly, like it's dragging its feet. Or maybe like it's dragging her, she isn't sure.  
  
Either way, when they finally do pour over the threshold of their apartment, she's still angry. And she's still waiting on an explanation for Beca's recent behavior.  
  
She doesn't get one, but she can't argue anymore. Not when moving out is something Beca wants for herself. She'd never stand in the way of something Beca wants. So, against her own desires, she accepts that their time left as roommates is finite. And because of that, she doesn't feel even a little guilty for asking Beca to hold her while she falls asleep.  
  
When Beca puts her arm gently over her waist that night, she just pulls it further, cradling Beca's hand against her chest. And she sighs once, finally comfortable for the first time all evening, before falling into a dreamless sleep.  
  
/  
  
The next morning, Beca leaves for Miami in a town car sent by Khaled's label. Chloe can't help but smile as it waits for Beca to get in the back seat. She throws her arms over slender shoulders and holds on as they stand on the curb, and doesn't let go until she feels Beca return the hug. She doesn't mention the night before. And if Beca feels any residual awkwardness from their fight, she doesn't show it. She just promises to text when she lands, and then Chloe watches the car take her best friend towards her new life. She doesn't let herself think about how far away that new life might be from her.  
  
Their week apart passes slowly. Chloe works every day, hoping to save a little extra money before starting school in September. She thinks she'll probably have to cut back her hours a bit to have enough time to study so she needs to save as much cash as she can now.  
  
But despite how busy her work week is, and despite the fact that Beca hasn't been spending much time at home anyway as of late, time still drags on for those days Beca's in Miami.   
  
Chloe texts her as often as she feels she can get away with it. And she feels hopeful for Beca's return, because over text she's behaving much more normally than she had been in person. She tells Chloe all about what she's doing and who she'll be working with. About the ideas already taking shape in her mind and about how ridiculous Khaled looks in velvet track suits in the middle of that Florida heat.  
  
On the last night of Beca's trip, she's pleasantly surprised to see that Beca's calling her instead of texting. Beca's never really been the kind to prefer voice calls, regardless of Chloe's insistence that they're better. She's amused when Beca tells her the reason for the call is for something as silly as helping her choose what to wear to a fancy nightclub that evening.  
  
As if she'd look bad if she chose wrong.  
  
Sure enough, when Beca sends her a selfie about half an hour later, Chloe smiles, because she had definitely chosen correctly. She fires off a "told you so" text before going about the rest of her evening. She forces Amy to help her wash the dishes in the sink, and then they pick up around the little box of an apartment. She drags her to the laundromat, even though Amy says she'd rather just use her new money to have all their clothes laundered for them. She just wants to make sure their home is a welcome sight when Beca returns the next day. And despite her bickering, she thinks maybe Amy wants that too.  
  
It isn't until she's lying down in her bed later that night that she checks in on Beca again. The hour is late enough that Beca probably isn't at the club anymore, but not so late that she's probably already asleep. It's really the perfect time for a recap of how her night went in the company of celebrities.  
  
She decides to call. Mostly because she just misses really talking to Beca, but also because it's easier and there's less risk she'll fall asleep waiting for Beca's reply. She smiles when Beca picks up after only two or three rings.  
  
"Chlo? Is everything okay?"  
  
Leave it to Beca to think something has to be wrong for someone to call her.  
  
"Of course, silly. I was seeing how your night went at this glamorous nightclub where all the celebs hang out."  
  
"I didn't see any celebs, unless you count Khaled."  
  
Chloe shakes her head before responding.  
  
"Of course I count him. And you, duh. How was it?"  
  
It takes a moment for Beca to reply, and when she finally does, her voice is softer. And a little rushed.  
  
"Uh, Chlo, can I call you in the morning before my flight? It's just... I'm sort of... not alone?"  
  
And now it's Chloe who needs a moment to respond. Because never in a million years would she have expected Beca to hook up with someone while she was down there. She throws a little more enthusiasm into her voice than is probably required for the revelation, and is surprised to notice it feels a little forced on her part.   
  
"Beca Mitchell! Did you spend one night in a club and then take a man home? I can't say I blame you, gotta get your kicks in when you can..."  
  
Instead of getting a response from Beca, the next voice she hears belongs to someone else. It's distant and muffled and she can't make out the words. All she can tell is that it's very distinctly... female. And something about that notion wrenches at something in her gut. She blurts out the words in her head as soon as they take shapes.  
  
"Beca? Are you... was that a woman?"  
  
She knows it was. But she asks anyway because she feels it needs confirmation.  
  
"Uh... yeah," is the response that eventually finds it's way through her phone's speaker and into her ear. And she doesn't know what to think about that. It's very clearly a hook up, otherwise Beca wouldn't sound so embarrassed. And she would have immediately cleared up Chloe's obvious confusion.  
  
When Chloe doesn't respond, Beca says something about calling her in the morning and Chloe hears the line go dead.  
  
She plugs her phone into her charger and rolls over to go to sleep after that. But she's on autopilot because her mind is racing through every single question that explodes in her head. And there are just too many for her to speculate about their answers. So she tries not to think about them anymore.  
  
She falls asleep that night with that same feeling still pulling at her insides. The one that jumped to life when she realized who Beca had taken home. The one that makes it glaringly obvious that Beca likes women.  
  
/  
  
She's off work the next day, but she rises early nonetheless. Some habits are just hard to shake. Out of the three of them living in that apartment though, she was the only early bird. So she's grown accustomed to being quiet in the mornings. Enjoying a little time to herself before her roommates decide to greet the world. This morning is no different. She's sitting at their little table, eating a bowl of cereal quietly while Amy still sleeps. She's therefore surprised when her phone starts vibrating to show her an incoming call from Beca. She swipes it up quickly, and steps just outside their front door before answering.  
  
"Morning, Becs," she says lightly. After the dust of Beca's news had settled in her mind, she'd quickly decided she wanted Beca to know without a shadow of doubt that nothing has to change.  
  
"Hey, Chlo," she says back. It's guarded. Unsure.  
  
"So... did I cockblock you last night?" she asks, still trying to maintain levity. "Well, I guess it wouldn't be called that, huh? Taco blocko?"  
  
She hears Beca laugh before she responds, and it relieves some of the tension in her stomach.  
  
"You're not freaking out about this."  
  
Chloe's brow furrows, and there's a part of her, a not so small part, that almost wants to be hurt that Beca could think she ever would. She doesn't let it show though, opting to further the conversation instead.  
  
"Did you think I would? You know I don't care about that stuff," she says quickly. Hell, she'd even been interested in exploring her own sexuality once upon a time. She'd just never gotten around to actually doing it, and had just ended up settling on a 'any gender can be beautiful' kind of mindset. "I am curious though," she adds.  
  
"About?" Beca asks, relieving Chloe even more by being willing to answer questions.  
  
"Why didn't you tell me you were into women?" she asks. And then, because she can't staunch the flow of her curiosity, she asks more before even getting an answer. "I've never even seen you flirt with another woman before, and don't even bring up that German woman; I still don't know what that was,” she says offhandedly. She’d never really known what to make of Beca’s reaction when DSM was around. “Have you been with many women?  _Why_  didn't you tell me?"  
  
She repeats her first question again at the end, letting Beca know that one is the most important. She just needs to know why Beca thought she couldn't be trusted with that information.  
  
"You've never seen me flirt with another woman because I never have, Kommissar notwithstanding. But to be fair, I don't really flirt with men either. I'm just not good at it. And no, I haven't been with many women. In fact, I haven't been with  _any_  women."  
  
Both of Chloe's eyebrows lift in response to that news. She really must have interrupted whatever was going to happen last night.   
  
"You and the woman from last night... didn't?"  
  
"No, we didn't."  
  
And there it is again, that stirring sensation in her gut that took so long to settle the night before. She doesn't know what to make of it so she casts it aside, wanting more answers.  
  
"Does anyone else know? Any of the other Bellas?"  
  
_Is there someone else who Beca trusts more than her?_  
  
"I haven't told anyone directly. But Amy knows for sure. I'm also willing to bet that CR assumes, she's like a bloodhound with her gaydar."  
  
Chloe laughs, feeling better. "But, are you gay then?" she says, realizing she really wants to know.  
  
"No, I like men too. I didn't even realize I liked women until college."  
  
Chloe is instantly intrigued by that announcement, wondering right away about the girl who made Beca realize something so monumental.   
  
"Oh, that sounds juicy."  
  
"I'm changing the subject now," Beca says quickly. Apparently her willingness to answer has run out.  
  
"Wait, can I ask one more thing? It won't be about who's responsible for your sexual awakening," Chloe says. There's still one question she doesn't have an answer for.  
  
"Okay," Beca responds, drawing out the vowel and letting Chloe know this answer is conditional upon an acceptable question.  
  
"Why didn't you tell me? Don't you trust me, Becs?"  
  
Chloe wills herself to be patient. She'll give Beca as long as she needs but she's desperate for an answer that doesn't point to some kind of crack in their friendship.  
  
"I just didn't want anything to change between us. We share a bed for Christ's sake."  
  
Chloe sighs, both relieved and kind of sad because of the words. There's no crack. But there isn't as much trust as she'd like either.  
  
"Beca, nothing is ever going to change between us, okay? We'll always be best friends."  
  
It takes a second, Beca's response. But when it does come Chloe can't help but wonder if she imagines a little hint of sadness in Beca's voice.  
  
"Yeah, I know."  
  
/  
  
Things seem a little... better, now that Beca is back home from Miami. She's still spending hours away from the apartment every day, but she seems less weighed down when she does come home. She smiles easier. She holds Chloe's gaze a little longer. And while Chloe's still working hard to give Beca space, she thinks part of the problem had been Beca's secret. She thinks something like that must weigh down a person.  
  
And she must have been subconsciously hoping that a Beca Mitchell less burdened by her skeletons would somehow equate to a Beca Mitchell that would stay. Because the knowledge that she's found an apartment sinks like a brick in her stomach on the night Beca tells her she's really leaving. A brick that becomes more and more solid with each fact Chloe learns about Beca's impending departure. That she won't even be in Brooklyn anymore. That she'll miss Chloe when she's gone.  
  
And Chloe tries. She really tries to force some semblance of happiness into her expression. But she thinks she mostly fails, and she thinks Beca knows she's just heartbroken.  
  
After the heaviness of the moment passes, the three of them try to have a normal evening together. There's laughter and a lot of sarcasm. Amy washes the dishes and Chloe puts them away when they're dry. But she can't help but feel upset with herself. Why is it so hard to let Beca go? Would she be this sad if it were Amy leaving? And then she feels guilty, because she knows that no, she wouldn't be. Chloe doesn't look at either of her roommates too much, afraid they'll see the truth on her face if she does.  
  
There's also that remaining bit of nagging anxiety she can't seem to shake. That slick little voice in her head telling her there's something else she doesn't know. Something else Beca won't tell her. And whatever that something is, it's driving a wedge between them. It put the Brooklyn Bridge between them.  
  
That night, as they lay in their foldout bed together for what is one of the last few times, Beca actually talks to her like they used to. Facing each other and sharing whispers. To stay away from the topic of Beca moving out, Chloe asks her about her almost hook up in Miami. She's been burning to know more but hasn't found a good time to ask until now. And somewhere in the middle of Beca telling her about brown eyes and dark skin, she realizes there's a segue here to Beca's other secrets.  
  
She goes for lighthearted, hoping it masks the desperation in her chest.  
  
"It's been a while since I learned something new about you, Becs. It makes me wonder what other secrets you keep."  
  
Beca's face doesn't betray anything before she responds.  
  
"You mean that one won't hold you over for a while?" she asks, referring to the fact that she likes women.  
  
"We only have a few more nights like this, Becs. Don't you know secrets are best shared in the dark?" she says, trying her best to hold onto that playful tone they've struck up.  
  
After the words are out, she watches Beca's face carefully in the light of the street lamp outside their window. And there's definitely _something_ unknowable in her expression. There are, without question, words on her tongue. Chloe masters herself, thinking Beca is finally going to tell her.  
  
"I'm afraid I'm fresh out of secrets for tonight, Chlo."  
  
She clenches her jaw to stop from letting out her breath in a huff. Then she swallows.  
  
And then, "You should get some sleep. I'm sure you're tired from all the... apartment stuff today," she says. Beca's secret is safe another night.  
  
Beca tells her goodnight and rolls over. And normally, Chloe would leave her be. She'd roll over too or look at the ceiling until dreams claimed her. But they only have a handful of nights left together. So she throws the space between them to the wind and pulls Beca into her.  
  
She falls asleep quickly. She always has with Beca's warmth right next to her.  
  
/  
  
Beca doesn't need a U-haul to take all of her stuff from the old apartment to the new one. She doesn't even need a truck. All of her new furniture is being delivered later in the afternoon. So on the morning she moves out, Amy comes home with a rental car for the day. It's big enough for all three of them and all of Beca's possessions. Chloe keeps herself busy. She moves clothes and carries a few small boxes. She doesn't let herself cry.  
  
Beca drives them when everything is ready to go to the new place. Chloe rides shotgun, and Amy rides in the back with her windows down and massive sunglasses covering her eyes. If it weren't for the fact that this is the day Beca leaves them, it'd be a beautiful day in New York. They sing along to whatever songs come on the radio. She wonders how long it will be before it's Beca's voice she hears on the airwaves.  
  
They're crossing the bridge when the station announces it's their Saturday throwback hour. Chloe eagerly waits for the first song. She's always loved 90s music. And when it plays, she recognizes the first strums of the electric guitar right away. She turns the volume up and jumps in to sing.  
  
_"You cannot quit me so quickly.  
There's no hope in you for me.  
No corner you could squeeze me?  
But I got all the time for you, love."_  
  
She processes the words after they're out. Normally, she'd be demanding the other two jump in and sing with her. But the rest of the song plays on without her or either of her two friends. She wonders if Beca's thoughts are the same as hers.  
  
She wonders how big a corner Beca will allot Chloe in her new life.  
  
/  
  
Amy leaves almost as soon as they arrive. She carries exactly one box up, takes a quick look around, and leaves again after the car is unloaded. It makes Chloe a little nervous to have such a stretch of time alone with Beca ahead of her. But she doesn't look a gift horse in the mouth. She just jumps into helping.  
  
They organize the closet in Beca's new bedroom and fill up drawers and cabinets in the kitchen. After the furniture is delivered, they jump into putting things together, deciphering poorly translated instructions in too small font. But Beca doesn't seem to object to Chloe sticking around. So she stays. There's a part of her that doesn't want to leave, because when she does it'll all be over. They won't be roommates anymore. And Chloe doesn't do well with change.  
  
It's as they're sitting in Beca's living room floor eating dinner that everything falls apart.  
  
“So," she says after swallowing a bite of pizza, "we’re obviously not going to finish all this tonight. But I can come back tomorrow and help put the rest of the stuff together.”  
  
There were still a few odd pieces of furniture, and Beca's new bed, requiring attention.  
  
“That’s okay, Chlo. I can finish it up on my own. Thank you, though," Beca says quietly. It makes something in Chloe's chest squirm uncomfortably. She ignores it.  
  
“Really, it’s no trouble. And if we get done early we can pick up some groceries so you won’t have to keep ordering take out.”  
  
Beca looks her in the eye when she speaks next.  
  
“Chloe, I really appreciate it, but I got it. Enjoy your day off.”  
  
Cracks erupt all over her heart when the words land on it. Because they mean Beca's perfectly ready to for her to just... go.  
  
“Are you so ready to say goodbye to me?” she asks, unable to bite her tongue. She feels a single tear fall but she ignores it.  
  
“Chloe, it isn’t like that. God, I just—”  
  
But Chloe doesn't want any more excuses. So she cuts her off.   
  
“You just what, Beca? Because it looks like you really just don’t want me around anymore. You’ve been so distant ever since we got back from the tour. And I know it’s me because you’re not treating Amy any differently," she says, voice beginning to crack along with her heart. "So what is it? What did I do? I tried giving you space. God, I even spend my days off away from the apartment so you don’t have to make some excuse about having to be somewhere. Not that you probably noticed, because you wouldn’t stay home any more than you had to recently.”  
  
There's silence then. And Chloe tries to find the patience she's gotten so good at using but now it's nowhere to be found.  
  
“Beca? Can’t you please tell me what I did?” she begs, looking down at her lap and the collection of tears on her pants.  
  
"Isn't it obvious?" Beca asks. Her words are quiet. Bitter. Chloe takes a moment to look up because she's almost positive she doesn't want to see whatever emotion adorns Beca's face. But when she does the expression isn't what she was expecting. It's broken, too.  
  
“I’m so,  _so_  in love with you, Chloe.”  
  
She hears the words with perfect clarity. As if they were spoken right into her ear. But they don't make sense. They must hold some other meaning to Beca than they do to her. So she just stares into storm waves, willing the words to be explained.  
  
But Beca doesn't say anything else. And it starts to dawn on Chloe that maybe those words _do_ mean what she thinks they mean when Beca starts to lean forward. And Chloe's not sure what Beca's about to do but she's never pulled away from her before. She's not about to start now.  
  
A warm palm lands gently against her cheek. She feels Beca trace her thumb once across the top and she wonders wildly if Beca's about to kiss her. The whole idea makes her head spin because it seems so out of character. But Beca doesn't come any closer, and after only another moment, she pulls her hand away.  
  
"Beca, I—" she starts. But Beca cuts her off, and it's just as well because Chloe doesn't know what she was going to say anyway.  
  
"Please don't," she says. “I always knew you’d say no. So please just don’t. That way I won’t actually have the words in my memory.”  
  
_I always knew you'd say no._  
  
It's like the words settle into Chloe's bones. They print themselves on the inside of her heart, and the reality of the situation slams into her like a runaway train. Beca is in love with her. And has been, if those words mean what she thinks they mean. And none of that makes any sense and all the sense at the same time. Beca hasn't been pulling away for an inexplicable reason. She's been in pain.

“Can you go now? I really need to break down and I sort of have to do it alone.”  
  
Chloe feels fresh tears overwhelm her and she pulls Beca's hand into her lap. Every cell in her body is screaming at her to comfort her friend.  
  
“Beca, please. I…” she says quietly, holding onto Beca's hand still. But her words die quickly, because the right ones still aren't anywhere to be found.  
  
“Chloe, I need you to go. Please. Now.”  
  
These words find their way into her heart too. And they all do their own damage. They break her apart from the inside.  
  
She doesn't want to leave Beca. But she's unsure if her being here is a good thing right now for her friend. She sits for another minute, hoping the right thing to say takes shape in her mind. When it never does, she squeezes Beca's hand once. She knows Beca would never let her hug her right now. Then she gets up to leave.  
  
Beca looks down, looking so small. And against everything telling Chloe not to go, she lets her legs take her away. The quiet click of Beca's front door closing sounds deafening.  
  
She's not even halfway down the stairs outside when she realizes with a start that Amy knows about this. About the way Beca feels. It sends a jolt through her. It makes the secret more real. She sends a text while she walks, hoping she doesn't bump into anyone but not caring enough to look up.  
  
**Chloe** : I need to talk to you. Are you home? Please meet me there if not.  
  
She springs for a cab, wanting to get home quickly. She gets a response on the way home.  
  
**Ames** : See you when you get here.  
  
Her stomach rolls uncomfortably at the words, and she wills the driver to go faster. When she finally gets home, she rushes up the stairs. And when she bursts through their front door, she finds Amy waiting for her at the table.  
  
"Hey, Red," she says evenly, as if she doesn't know Chloe's falling apart.   
  
Chloe has about a million questions. She should have been thinking about which to ask first on her way but her thoughts were too scattered. She flounders now, looking for the right one to start with.  
  
But not asking _something_ is unbearable, so the words just spew out before she consciously chooses them.  
  
"She's in love with me?"  
  
Amy's mouth falls into a perfect circle for a fleeting moment before she replies.  
  
"She told you?"  
  
Chloe hears the words again as if Beca's sitting right next to her.  
  
_I’m so, so in love with you, Chloe._  
  
"Yes, but she didn't tell me much else," she says a little bitterly. "But she clearly has talked to _you_ about this. What did she tell you? When did she tell you?"  
  
Amy looks uncomfortable. Like she's not sure what she can say.  
  
"She told me the night before she went to Miami. When you guys had that argument."  
  
Chloe nods; she'd assumed as much.  
  
"What did she say?"  
  
Amy looks down.  
  
"I really think this is something you should ask her about..." she says quietly. Chloe nods again because she knows Amy's right.  
  
"Maybe I should just text her now. She looked so broken when I left. I should—"  
  
But Amy cuts her off before she can say what she should do.  
  
"I know you mean well. But just give her tonight. You know Beca. She needs time to herself sometimes."  
  
And despite the fact that she knows Amy's right, it feels all wrong to just do nothing.  
  
"But she's alone! And upset!" she states, a bit desperately.  
  
"Look, I'll text her okay?"  
  
It doesn't completely satisfy her. But it's better than nothing. She agrees, and then they fall into silence. She doesn't say anything else that night. She's too preoccupied with going through Beca's words over and over again. She checks her phone often, but it doesn't light up.  
  
She falls asleep that night with an echo in her mind. With phantom words in her ears.  
  
_I’m so, so in love with you, Chloe._  
  
/  
  
She spends the next day sending texts, waiting, pestering Amy, and then sending more texts. Beca doesn't reply to any of them, regardless of how hard Chloe wills her to.  
  
By the end of the day, when she still hasn't gotten a single word from her friend, she practically begs Amy to tell her what she knows. She knows she should wait for Beca but she doesn't know how long this radio silence will last and she needs something to wrap her mind around. The task isn't made any easier when Amy tells her Beca's loved her since Barden. It makes her rethink every interaction between them. Every handhold or cuddle. Every kiss to Beca's cheek. Every time Chloe locked onto storm waves and didn't look away. She thought she'd been broken apart yesterday but this breaks her more. Everything she thought had always been comfort to Beca had only given her pain. And she'd just taken it every single time.   
  
When the sun goes down that night she sends one last text. She'll just have to wait for Beca to come back to her on her own terms. She sends it from her bed, which is too big and too cool for her to sleep soundly.   
  
**Chloe** : I know you need space. So I won't bother you again after this. Amy told me what she knows, which left me with even more questions. But I'll wait for you to be okay enough to tell me the rest. Don't be mad at her, I pretty much begged all day long. Look, Beca, I can't imagine what all this has been like for you. I feel sick to my stomach when I think of everything I put you through. I'm just so sorry. And I want you to take all the time you need, but please know that you are my best friend and I will be missing you until I see you again. I love you. Always will. So do what you must and then come back. Please just... don't forget to come back.  
  
She doesn't realize at that moment just how long she'll have to wait for Beca Mitchell.  
  
/  
  
_Summer 2018_  
  
It's been almost two months since the day Beca moved out. And Chloe's broken her promise to wait almost every day. She'd lasted a week, maybe two, before the last of her resolve broke down and she texted Beca. She didn't tell her how much she missed her. She didn't want to cause any more pain. But she was desperate to hear from her friend.  
  
**Chloe** : I'm sorry. I know I said I wouldn't. But I really want to talk to you. Please just... text me back.  
  
When Beca still doesn't reply, her promise turns to ashes. She texts every day. When her birthday rolls around in the first week of June, she's sure that'll be the day Beca will reach out. And she'll take a text that says nothing but "Happy birthday" if it means Beca's decided to stop ghosting her.  
  
But the text never comes, and Chloe thinks if her birthday isn't a good enough reason for Beca to talk to her again, maybe she never will. It sends her onto the verge of a panic attack, because the idea is so intolerable. When Amy comes home that night, she finds Chloe a mess on her bed. And she must take pity on her, because she tells her as gently as possible that Beca's blocked her number. She adds on "for now" at the end of the sentence.  
  
But it sounds so, so permanent.  
  
/  
  
_Fall 2018_  
  
She's surviving her first semester of grad school. No, she's more than surviving. She's _flourishing_. She'd only ever felt this much at home with academia when she'd had the perfect book to dive into and interpret. Animals, it seemed, gave her just as much joy to read and understand.  
  
But her personal life is still a bit in shambles. She'd decided after learning her number was blocked to keep texting Beca anyway. If Beca ever unblocked her, Chloe wanted to be sure she'd know Chloe hadn't given up.  
  
She'd broken it off with Chicago months ago. Just the idea of him made her want to cry when she thought of how much Beca had been hurting while she was with him in Europe. She couldn't be with him after that. There was no way.  
  
Amy encouraged her to not to beat herself up. And sometimes, she didn't. Sometimes she could be rational about the whole thing. But most days she worked or studied the day away, preferring to immerse herself in a world where she'd never hurt anyone.  
  
She spends the first night of her fall break packing her suitcase. She's leaving tomorrow to have Thanksgiving with Aubrey, who thought it'd be good for her to get out of New York for a few days. It hadn't taken long for the rest of the Bellas to catch the story. It was something they didn't openly talk about though. Not when Beca wasn't around anymore.  
  
It's after she's finished packing when she realizes Beca signed up for Instagram. She's lying face up on her bed when she sees her name in the accounts suggested to follow. She instantly clicks on the profile, but feels a bit disappointed to see there aren't many photos uploaded yet. Of the ones that are there, only one actually has Beca in the picture. But Chloe's heart hammers away anyway.  
  
And it takes less than ten seconds for her to decide this could be the way to finally reach her. She clicks on the little message option and stares at the blank box when it opens.  
  
Faced with the knowledge that Beca actually _could_ read this message, she suddenly feels uncertain about what to say. She starts a dozen times. And erases a dozen times. It takes her much longer than it should to compose a few sentences, and she thinks they'll never quite be right. So before she reaches two dozen, she just presses the send button.  
  
She checks over and over to see if Beca's read it. And she's disappointed every time.  
  
/  
  
_Spring 2019_  
  
"So, I've been thinking..." Amy starts from her chair at the kitchen table.  
  
"Uh oh," Chloe says with a smirk. She looks up from the textbook she was making notes in and throws a wink in Amy's direction.  
  
"Shush, this is serious business," Amy says. And Chloe listens, fully prepared to hear something not serious.  
  
"I've been thinking this walkabout hasn't been big enough."  
  
Chloe waits, wanting more information.  
  
"There's so much world I haven't seen. And it seems kind of ridiculous not to."  
  
She nods. She'd probably want to see the world too if she had the means.  
  
"So, I'm not moving out," she starts cautiously. And that's when Chloe gets it. Amy's moving out. "But I won't be around much either."  
  
It isn't as bad as the day she found out Beca was leaving. For a lot of reasons. But it still sucks. Amy is kind of the perfect roommate, if one doesn't mind the fact that she's on the eccentric side of the personality scale.   
  
"Go see the world, Ames. It probably wants to see you, too," she says supportively.  
  
It dawns on her quickly that she won't be able to afford the rent on her own though. She wonders how quickly she can get into campus housing but it's like Amy's reading her mind.  
  
"I'll still cover the rent," she says, almost as an afterthought.  
  
"I can't let you do that, Amy. I'll figure something out."  
  
Amy just fixes Chloe with her _"Why are you like this?"_ face when she answers.  
  
"You'll let me cover rent. And if it's that big a deal to you, you can pay me back after you're a fancy rich doctor."  
  
Chloe smiles, liking the way that sounds.  
  
"Deal."  
  
She writes to Beca that night and tells her all about how lucky she is to be Amy's friend.  
  
/  
  
_Summer 2020_  
  
Two years of grad school down. Halfway through her program, this is the last summer she'll have off because next year she'll start her clinical rotations. And as excited as she is for them, she's also excited to spend one last summer doing what she wants.  
  
She's made a few new friends. It's hard for her not to make friends no matter where she goes. She still keeps up with Amy and the rest of the Bellas.  
  
There's still a hole in her heart with Beca Mitchell's name around the edges, but she's learned how to shoulder it. She still writes to Beca often, but at this point it feels like writing in a diary. She's giving her thoughts away to something that won't ever write back.  
  
She watches from a distance as Beca gets more and more famous. As the world learns what Chloe had learned years and years ago. That Beca is a law unto herself, and that listening to her sing is something akin to witnessing magic.  
  
She watches every video that social media has to offer. Whether they are of her performances or her talk show appearances. Chloe watches them all, and she aches for the friendship she lost. The one she can't seem to duplicate no matter how many new friends she makes.  
  
She's staring at her computer screen, refreshing it every few minutes. Beca's Instagram claimed days ago that her new single is dropping today. It's the first one Beca's written herself according to her latest interview. All Chloe knows is the title, and judging by that alone, she's pretty sure the song is going to tear her up. But she keeps refreshing her screen anyway, desperate to hear words Beca's channeled into lyrics.  
  
When it finally drops, Chloe falls into silent tears.  
  
It's definitely vain to think it's about her. To think Beca could ever think of Chloe as home. But if she ever did, then Chloe's sure there's no hope for them. Beca's said it herself. She's forgotten the way back home.  
  
She keeps writing anyway though.  
  
/  
  
_Winter 2021_  
  
She's got a few days left of her last winter break, and she's decided to spend them doing something that always brings her joy. She drops by her favorite bookstore on the way home from her half day at work.  
  
She walks through the general fiction section first. Her last read had been a memoir, so she's hoping to change genres for her next.  
  
She's walking down the second aisle of the section when she sees one that pops out at her. It isn't flashy. It doesn't even have any color. But she picks it up anyway, intrigued by a word she doesn't understand.   
  
_Saudade_  
  
She flips to the back to see if that will tell her what it means. She can't believe the words she finds there.  
  
_From the Portuguese, a term that English speakers call 'untranslatable'. Saudade: A feeling of longing for something that is now gone._  
  
And then at the bottom, more words that speak straight to her heart.  
  
_The love that remains._  
  
She buys the book, and that night, she sends Beca a few lines here and there that she loves. It feels like a lifetime ago that she'd read excerpts to her out loud from her current reads.  
  
/  
  
_Spring 2022_  
  
She's walking across the stage towards the president of her university. Towards her diploma. She can't believe how quickly (and how slowly) these four years have gone by. Her parents are there somewhere in the crowd, finally proud of her choices. She doesn't look for them though; she's never cared about their approval. She instead looks for (and finds quickly) her Bellas. Their cheers are louder than anyone else's. They're all there. Despite their busy schedules and their lives all over the country, they're all there for her.  
  
All but one.  
  
She thinks it's probably a bit crazy to miss Beca Mitchell after four years of being out of her life. It isn't like she doesn't know how to be happy without her. She figured it out a long time ago. Nonetheless, she thinks she's just built for missing her. She wishes Beca were here, even in the face of knowing Beca's all but forgotten her.  
  
She celebrates with her girls that night. And nobody mentions the one missing from their number. But a Bella reunion just isn't complete without Beca.  
  
She writes to her before she goes to sleep that night. It's just one of a hundred other messages like it. Two hundred.  
  
Every single one go unread.  
  
/  
  
_Eighteen months later_  
  
Chloe Beale is asleep on her living room couch. The lights are still on and the TV plays a rerun of an old sitcom while she dreams. She hadn't meant to fall asleep, but work seems to be getting busier and busier. She jumps with a start when her phone starts vibrating hard on the coffee table.  
  
Normally, she'd silence it and go back to sleep. But the name on the screen is one she'll never ignore.  
  
"Hey, baby," she says, her voice scratchy.  
  
"Chlo? Were you sleeping? It's not even nine back home!" Beca says with a laugh.  
  
"Don't judge," Chloe says, sitting up straighter and clearing her throat. "I had a hard day." But she says it playfully enough to let Beca know it wasn't really as bad as it sounds.  
  
"Well I won't keep you then, sleeping beauty. I just wanted to call and say I love you. And hey, we're halfway through the month!"  
  
Chloe smiles. They're on the downhill slope now.  
  
"I love you too, baby. I hope the second half moves faster than the first."  
  
They exchange goodnights after that. Chloe gets ready for bed and Beca gets ready to return to her hotel.  
  
She passes out again quickly. This time in the dark and in her bed. She falls asleep thinking of the letter that waits for Beca somewhere in its own dark room. The letter containing the bleakest parts of their story. The letter with these words:  
  
_Dear Beca,  
  
The Dark Ages. You know, even knowing everything I know now, I don’t think they could have been avoided. You needed to heal. And I needed to learn how to be on my own. How to rely on myself. The rest of the Bellas were there, of course, but in the background. Any of them would've caught me if I fell, but I needed to learn how to run on my own steam.  
  
I still remember the day you told me you loved me as plainly as if it were yesterday. I replayed those words over and over so many times I know I'll never forget so much as a single inflection of your voice. And I know I've said it before, but I was so worried about losing your friendship in the weeks that led up to that day, that instead of just processing what you said, I worried more about you getting over me. Because if you were over me then we could go back to what we had. It never, in all that time, crossed my mind that we could have something even better.  
  
Did you know I got desperate enough once to come to your new apartment? Well, I suppose it wasn't new anymore by the time I went by there. You hadn't spoken to me in over a year. In any case, it wasn't even your apartment anymore. Some middle aged white dude answered the door. I hightailed it out of there before he could even ask me what I was doing. I suppose that's what I get for not telling Amy I was going to try and see you. She could have told me you'd already moved again. But I guess I didn't want her to try and talk me out of it.  
  
Of course, you know how I spent the rest of our time apart. I studied and worked. And wrote to you. It would be really easy to be embarrassed by how much, and how often, I wrote to someone I never had any reason to believe would write back. But I can't bring myself to care. Not when those messages would one day be the proof I needed to show you how much I never wanted to lose you.  
  
I had no interest in dating. Though I told myself I didn't have time for it. I guess both were true. Grad school is a nightmare for one's social life. By the time I graduated, I hadn't dated anyone since Chicago. And of course I got lonely every now and then, but for the first time I wasn't seeking things out that I thought were missing (besides you, but I don't count that). I had finally learned how to be happy with myself, and what I already had.  
  
And I think, when you're finally happy with yourself, you see the things in front of you more clearly. You don't see other people for who they could be to you. What gap they could fill. You see them for who they already are. And that's a very important distinction to make, I think._

 _But look at me, letting my theories on the human condition run away with me when all I intended to do was tell you a story. Focus, Chloe. So,_ _with the conclusion of this letter I believe you'll find the rest of these words of mine much more palatable. The rest of the letters are nothing but pure, unadulterated Chloe Beale feels (patent pending). Prepare yourself.  
  
Until then, I miss you. Wherever you are, wherever I am when you read this, I miss you. And I'm so glad the winter of our story is behind us.  
  
I love you, my Beca,  
Chloe_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you for reading. Your feedback is so, so appreciated so come talk to me in the comments if you have a moment to spare :)  
> Until next time,  
> P


	7. Chapter Seven

**Chapter Seven**  
   
_Fall 2022_  
  
Life as a vet suits her. The slight panic that used to bubble under the surface when sick animals came into her old clinic has long since gone dormant. As a vet tech, she never felt in control. She just had to help in whatever way was needed and then hope for the best.  
  
Now as the actual vet, she's confident in her capabilities. She spots problems quickly and her decisions are sure.   
  
Emergency medicine is where she really shines. Someone had told her once upon a time that she can speak the language of animals. And now she thinks it must be true, because she has a knack for getting them to calm down for her even in the most stressful of circumstances. And nothing about being a doctor of animals gives her greater joy than saving them in their moment of need.  
  
So when the emergency clinic she'd rotated through in school offered a spot contingent upon her passing her boards, she'd accepted right away. There were other offers on the table. In different fields of medicine. In different parts of the country. But this is the one that felt the most right. She hasn't looked back since.  
  
And everything has been going  _fine_. She likes her coworkers and the clinic is close to her new place in the city. She likes her paycheck, too. She hasn't panicked over an animal coming in the office in a long time.  
  
Until today.  
  
She's in the middle of a dictation on her last patient when one of the techs come in to tell her a dog needs her attention. He's saying something about her having chocolate about half an hour ago when they walk through the door to the exam room.  
  
An excited, blond-haired dog is sitting on the exam table, distracted by one of the other assistants. To Chloe, this isn't exactly an "emergency" situation, but it could be if they don't induce vomiting soon. And she's sure it already is to the dog's owner. She's just about to ask for the dog's weight when it turns around to look at who's joining them in the room. And that's when that old feeling strikes. The one that makes her feel like nothing is in her control.  
  
She recognizes this dog. The blue eyes and the color pattern over her face and paws. She's seen her a few times before, on a famous pop star's Instagram.  
  
She has to be sure though. She gets the dog's weight and tells the tech the appropriate dose of medicine to induce emesis. While she waits for him to draw up the dose, she moves closer. She pets the dog's head. Lets her fingers spread out under silky smooth fur. She leans in to Chloe's touch, her tongue lolling to the side, perfectly at ease. Chloe rotates the collar around her neck until the tag is facing her. It's light blue, and a name is etched into it. Elegant and slightly slanted.  
  
_Virginia Woof_  
  
Chloe smiles at the pun in spite of herself and the panic in her throat.  
  
"Hello, Virginia," she says quietly. As if no one else can hear her. "It's nice to meet you."  
  
The dog leans closer to her face, trying to lick her cheek.  
  
"We have to make you throw up now, okay? You'll feel a little bad for a few minutes, but then you can go back to your mom. I promise."  
  
Virginia's ears perk up at that last sentence, and Chloe wonders if it's something she hears often.  
  
She takes the filled syringe from the tech and gently wiggles it through Virginia's teeth. She pushes down the plunger, and watches the sides of Virginia's mouth to make sure none comes back out.  
  
"Shouldn't take more than three or four minutes for the medicine to start working," she says to no one in particular. She's wondering what will happen when it's time for Virginia to go back to her owner. She wonders if she has the guts to go, too.  
  
"Chloe, you'll never believe this. That is  _Beca Mitchell's_  dog!" the other tech, Julia, says to her. She's waiting in a receiving room right now!"  
  
Chloe tries to arrange her facial expression into something appropriate but doesn't know if she quite manages.  
  
"I saw her come in," the other tech says. The one that had fetched her upon Virginia's arrival. "She's a lot tinier than you'd expect in person."  
  
That makes Chloe laugh. She remembers all too well how small Beca is.  
  
Chloe watches Virginia while the techs continue talking about Beca. This person Chloe both knows like the back of her hand, and doesn't know at all at the same time. It's a really odd sensation to experience. She still doesn't know if she has the courage to face her.  
  
Her thoughts on that are cut short when Virginia starts to heave. Her belly contracts a few times, giving Chloe enough warning to get a large basin under her mouth before she begins to expel everything she's consumed in the last few hours. Chloe reassures her the whole time. She keeps a comforting hand on the back of Virginia's neck. She tells her it'll be over soon.  
  
When the vomiting subsides a few minutes later, Chloe offers a clean bowl of water. Virginia laps at it greedily, as if she needs to get the taste out of her mouth. When she's done, she noses her way under Chloe's hand again, in that way that just begs for petting.  
  
"No more chocolate for you, young lady," she says, scratching behind floppy ears. She checks her vitals, and is happy with the numbers.  
  
"Receiving room four," Julia says when Chloe deems the dog ready to go.  
  
"What?" Chloe says quickly, trying to quell the shake in her voice.  
  
"You always escort the animals back to their owners. Don't you need to give some take home information? She's in room four..." Julia says, sounding confused.  
  
"Oh, right. Um, yes. I suppose I have to," she says, distracted. And then, at the questioning looks being directed her way she adds on, "Should. I suppose I should. Eric could you, uh, go ahead and take her. I'll just be a minute. Need to, uh, pee."  
  
Eric smiles at her like he can tell she's nervous but he has no idea what her history is with Beca so he certainly can't know why. She doesn't much care anyway though. She excuses herself to the staff restroom and gives herself a once over in the mirror. She wants to know if the anxiety is clear in her eyes.  
  
She can't tell, and gives up trying to decide after only a moment. She walks out, letting her legs take her on autopilot to the correct waiting room. When she reaches it, she stares at the little black number on the door. She thinks it might do her some good to throw up, too.  
  
But for as nervous as she is, she's equally eager to see Beca Mitchell. It's been over four years since she last saw her face in person, and with that thought she can't stand another second standing with a door between them.  
  
She knocks gently before turning the knob and walking inside. Once over the threshold, her eyes rise, settling on Beca.  _Feasting_  on her. Daring her to believe Beca's really right there, looking back at her.  
  
And there are about twenty different things Chloe wants to say. But she thinks she should start with something simple.  
  
"Hi, Beca," she says, resisting the urge to clear her throat after her voice comes out roughly.  
  
Beca doesn't say anything, but she does continue to stare. Her eyes are locked onto Chloe's as if they're stuck there.  
  
"Please say something," Chloe asks quietly. And now she's resisting the urge to step closer. To reach for someone who has been unreachable for far too long.  
  
Her eyes leave Beca's then, but only to rove over the rest of her. At her messy bun on the crown of her head. The pale skin of her arms. The rips in her jeans. She looks almost exactly the way Chloe remembers her. The only thing missing is her smile. Chloe can't remember a time Beca's ever looked at her with this much hardness in her eyes.  
  
"You don't seem surprised to see me," she eventually says, her voice much stronger than Chloe's. More detached.  
  
"Yeah the uh, the staff were all talking about how Beca Mitchell was here," Chloe responds. But she instantly feels like that's a cheap answer. One she isn't comfortable with leaving be, so she continues. More honestly this time.  
  
"Even if they hadn't though, I still would have known. I... I recognized Virginia right away. She has very distinctive coloring on her face. She's an Australian Shepherd mix, right?"  
  
She sees Beca nod before she looks down at the pup between Beca's legs. Her tail swishes happily when Chloe meets her eyes. She's a sweet dog.  
  
"What do you mean you recognized her?"  
  
It shouldn't be embarrassing that Chloe follows Beca on Instagram. Why shouldn't she? But for whatever reason it is, and Chloe admits to that fact a bit sheepishly. About recognizing Virginia from the photos.  
  
Again, Beca doesn't respond. And Chloe has absolutely no idea what's going through her mind as they fill up this tiny room with their tension.  
  
"You finished vet school," she says after a few more beats. The subject change surprises Chloe. It's as if Beca doesn't want to address that Chloe hasn't forgotten about her.  
  
"Yeah I... I just graduated this past spring," Chloe says, unsure where this topic could possibly lead them.  
  
"Well, good for you then," Beca says quietly. But it doesn't sound good for Chloe. The words are harsh and bitter. "About my dog?" she asks before Chloe can say anything else.  
  
Chloe takes a steadying breath, remembering this isn't just about them right now.  
  
"She had eaten quite a bit of that cake. But we induced vomiting and I'm positive it all came back out," she says, silently thanking her voice for sounding professional. "Her vitals are good and she isn't acting in any way that concerns me. Not three minutes after vomiting she was acting fine, begging for scratches and trying to give kisses. She's... she's a very sweet dog."  
  
She looks down at Virginia, who's sitting patiently with Beca's hand on her head. Beca looks down at her too at the end of Chloe's words.  
  
"She is. I'm lucky to have her." She looks back up when she speaks next. "Are we free to go?"  
  
Chloe resists the urge to flinch, hating that Beca so clearly has no desire to be here any longer than she has to be.  
  
"You can take her home, yeah. I doubt she will have any residual effects but just look for signs of lethargy and... and call the clinic if you notice anything off."  
  
She was going to say call her but the suggestion is practically laughable. She's about to ask Beca if they can talk. It's not the best timing though, and because it's the weekend she's the only vet on duty so if another animal comes in she'll have to go. But she can't just let Beca leave.  
  
But Beca stands up, leash in hand, as soon as Chloe pauses to take a breath. And the idea of her just walking out is intolerable.  
  
"Beca, wait," she asks, willing herself not to cry. Trying not to think that this could be over any minute and she might not get another chance to talk to her. Beca looks up at her with something like curiosity in her eyes.  
  
"Please, don't go. Can we just, I mean... can't you just... can you please just sit down?" she stutters out.   
  
She expects Beca to attach the leash and leave. To try and walk right by Chloe. To ignore her request like she has been for the last four years. But Beca surprises her. She doesn't sit down, but she does look at Chloe like she's entertaining the idea of listening.  
  
"I can't imagine you need more than four years' worth of space. Can we just talk?" she asks. And then, because it's true and because she can't hold the words in, she adds, "God, I've missed you so much."  
  
Again, she's met with silence. And it's starting to get annoying.  
  
"I know you've never been particularly chatty, but give me something, Beca," she says, snappier than she'd intended. "Please," she adds to soften her words.  
  
"What is there to say, Chloe?" Beca finally asks, breaking her silence. "We're not friends anymore."  
  
Chloe looks down, knowing the words are true but hating them anyway.  
  
She hears Virginia offer a soft whine from next to Beca. It pretty much sums up how she feels, too.  
  
"We could be," she says. It's a shot in the dark. Hell, it's a shot into outer space for all she knows. But she refuses to not try. "Can we have dinner? I can't take the idea of never seeing you again after you walk out of here today."  
  
"I don't think that's a good idea," Beca responds quickly.  
  
She doesn't know why Beca's resisting so much. Sure, this is awkward. But it's impossible that the reason they stopped being friends is still the reason for them to not try again. It stings that Beca doesn't care enough about the friendship they had to even consider reaching for it again. It stings that she should be punished for the way she felt four years ago.  
  
"Why not? Do you hate me for not feeling..." she starts, but finds that the rest of the words won’t come. Like there’s a vice around them in her throat. She tries again. "Do you just hate me now?"  
  
“The truth?” Beca asks lightly.  
  
Chloe doesn’t say a word. Because of course that’s what she wants.  
  
“I’ve just always been shit at not falling in love with you.”  
  
She says it easily, like the words aren’t as heavy as mountains. It’s the complete opposite of the last time Beca confessed to loving Chloe. It’s the perfect testament to their time apart.  
  
"I've never done anything harder than getting over you, Chloe. And honestly I don't think I could do it twice. So it's probably just best if we continue as we are,” she continues.  
  
And it makes Chloe tear up again, because how can she argue with that? How can she chase after a friendship Beca is  _afraid_  to have? But still, there are things she wants answers to. And she just wants a little more time with Beca before she loses her again.  
  
"Okay. Then coffee? Or a walk? Surely you take Virginia on walks,” she says a little desperately. “Can I just see you one more time?"  
  
“Why is this so important to you now? Beca asks, her eyes pointed at the ceiling.  
  
It’s a strange question. Getting Beca back has always been important to Chloe, so she’s a little thrown off by the ‘now’ part of it. But she answers anyway to keep Beca talking.  
  
“Because I know you can hear me.”  
  
For the first time in four years, she knows her efforts aren’t being ignored. She knows that whatever she says now won’t fall on deaf ears. And she’s desperate to be heard. So she keeps going when Beca doesn’t offer anything to that explanation.  
  
“Because if…” she starts, hating herself for giving Beca a way out but knowing it’s the right thing to do. “…if you never want to be friends again then I at least need some closure. I want… I need to be able to say goodbye to you.”  
  
She’s not sure what part of what she said does it, but somewhere along the way her words got through the hard exterior Beca’s been wearing since she walked in the room. She watches a single tear try to escape down Beca’s cheek before it’s swiped away.  
  
“Please, Beca.”  
  
And she knows what Beca’s going to say before she says it. Because even after four years, she remembers how to read Beca’s face.  
  
“One walk.”  
  
“Thank you,” she says, both happy to be given that opportunity and sad because she knows what it means for them.  
  
She’s about to ask when but Eric opens the exam room door first, distracting her. He tells her there’s another patient on the way, and she knows she only has a few seconds left. She swipes at the areas under her eyes in an effort to look presentable when she walks out.  
  
“I’m sorry, I have to go. Please don’t bail on the walk though, okay?” she asks gently.  
  
Beca nods, and then surprises her.  
  
“You still have my number? You could text me?”  
  
Chloe forgets to control her expression and just balks. Does this mean Beca’s unblocked her?  
  
“Would it even go through?” she asks, curious.  
  
“Never mind,” Beca says quickly. “Are you free tomorrow?”  
  
She isn’t. But she says yes anyway to Beca’s suggestion of a walk in the park. And now she really has to go.  
  
“Until then,” she says, turning towards the door. She means to just leave, but at the last second she finds herself taking one more look. She’s missed Beca so, so much. Beca doesn’t say anything else though, and after the moment is over, Chloe lets the door shut behind her. Lets it shut on the best friend she ever had.  
  
She shakes herself out of that headspace as she walks away, preparing for the next patient that’s due any minute. When the animal arrives, she’s perfectly professional. The dog is disoriented and a little anxious, so she does her best to both reassure him and his owner that everything will be fine. She does the physical exam, orders the appropriate blood tests, and gets a thorough medical history. She doesn’t let her mind wander. Not until she’s absolutely sure the dog is ready to go home and is headed out the door again. Only then does she let herself go over the last few hours. And with a start she realizes she needs to call in a favor.  
  
She checks the calendar posted in the little break room to find a possible stand-in for her shift tomorrow. She gets lucky on the very first call she makes, and is able to swap with one of her coworkers so that she’ll have tomorrow off. With one less thing to worry about, she starts going over the conversation she’d had with Beca. The parts she’d understood and the parts that had left her in the dark. She’s wondering about all the possible explanations of Beca’s  _Why is this so important to you now?_  question when her thoughts are interrupted again. Eric walks into the break room, an empty stainless steel Nalgene in his hand. He looks at her like he’s about to say something but before he can Julia comes in behind him.  
  
Cat. Possibly broken leg. Two minutes away.  
  
She gets up quickly, the look on Eric’s face already forgotten. That’s life as an emergency vet.  
  
/  
  
The next morning, Chloe wakes early like usual. But she doesn't get out of bed right away. Her stomach keeps rolling uncomfortably and her heart keeps beating erratically every time she thinks about seeing Beca later. Every time she remembers the only thing Beca's offering her is a goodbye.  
  
When she finally does get up, she moves slowly. She lets the hot water of the shower roll down her back a little longer. She eats her breakfast at the table without rushing, as if making sure her stomach won't reject each bite.  
  
She tries to relax while she waits for the time to leave. As usual, her go to security blanket is whatever book she happens to be reading.  
  
Throwing herself onto her couch, she reaches for the book on her coffee table, and opens to the bookmarked page. It's a scant little book. One she's read many times but has never enjoyed any less with repeat readings.  
  
Many people claim it a children's book but Chloe knows better. Knows that just because the protagonist is a little boy, and just because the story has talking animals and talking flowers, that it could never be just for children.  
  
The pages are riddled with highlighted quotes that mean something to her as an adult. Quotes that remind of her things she ought to remember are important.  
  
She reads until she comes to her favorite part, and stops when she gets to a highlighted sentence she's read many, many times.  
  
_"It is only with the heart that one can see clearly."_  
  
And for the first time, she wonders what she sees Beca with.  
  
/  
  
She's waiting at the entrance Beca mentioned yesterday. She's a few minutes early too, but she couldn't wait around in her apartment any longer. She'd rather wait anxiously here than anxiously there.  
  
Soon enough though, she sees them. Virginia walks several paces in front of Beca, and when she spots Chloe she pulls a little on the leash to get Beca moving faster. She offers a shy smile before bending down to greet the one clearly more excited to see her.  
  
"Hello, Virginia. It's nice to see you again," she says. She scratches behind those floppy ears again like she had yesterday and, like before, Virginia leans into it right away. It makes her smile.  
  
When she stands up again she feels less confident. Beca looks like she kind of doesn't want to be here and Chloe doesn't know if she should address that or not.  
  
"Hi," she says awkwardly. Beca greets her hesitantly too. "Do you wanna...?" she starts, indicating the park waiting for them to walk its trails.  
  
Beca nods and starts walking. Virginia leads them beyond the gate and picks a direction without Beca's prompting. They must do this fairly often.  
  
She tries for small talk, hoping to delay the inevitable, but Beca isn't having it. She makes it clear she's here for one thing only. And that's closure. Chloe takes a deep breath before she opens that door.  
  
"Can I ask you a question?" she asks. She's been desperately curious about something ever since that night all those years ago. She's thrilled when Beca says it's okay to ask.  
  
"Amy told me, the day after the last time I saw you... she told me that you had... that you fell... that it had been going on since your first year at Barden," she finally manages. Why can't she just say it? That Beca was in love with her. Why do the words almost feel taboo? She moves on before she gets lost in that train of thought.  
  
"Is that true? What about... what about Jesse?"  
  
Beca takes only a moment to think. But when she does respond, her words are much more put together than Chloe's had been. She sounds much more sure of them.  
  
"I did fall for you my freshman year. And I was going to tell you, too, but then you said something about how Jesse and I would be good together and I chickened out. And then I got together with Jesse at the end of the year because... because I did genuinely like him. But I guess it was also because I couldn't have you."  
  
Chloe shakes her head and blinks a few times. Even after so much time to get used to the idea, it's still surreal that Beca felt that way about her for so long.  
  
"And I know that's kind of dumb but I was nineteen. And nineteen year olds do stupid things," Beca continues. It's the lightest she's sounded yet.  
  
"And... the remaining three years? Moving up here with me?" Chloe presses. She just needs to hear the words for some reason. That Beca really loved her, _wanted_ her.  
  
"And the remaining three years I was with Jesse," she says simply. "And I loved him. But... but I was always fighting with myself. Always telling myself I was over you. That if I tried hard enough I wouldn't feel anything I wasn't supposed to."  
  
Chloe nods because that answer... seems logical. But now she just wants to know more.  
  
"And then?" she asks.  
  
"And then," Beca starts, "that summer before my senior year I completely lost all control and fell right back into you. You were always just so... different from everyone else. Like you just skated past all the walls and defenses I ever put up."  
  
Chloe nods along, because she knows that's true. Or at least, it was. Beca always let Chloe a little further in than anyone else. But she always thought it was because they were best friends.  
  
"You made  _me_  different. I just... couldn't help it," Beca finishes. And her words pull at something in Chloe. Something she doesn't know how to label or identify. Something that she feels guilty about liking. She opens her mouth to ask more about that specifically but Beca beats her to the opening.  
  
"That's the year I started to pull away and the Bellas fell apart and it all went to shit. I felt so guilty all the damn time because I was still with Jesse even though I felt what I did for you. I was a mess, like, the whole time."  
  
Chloe doesn't say anything. She doesn't want to stop Beca now that she's finally explaining.  
  
"And then we went to Copenhagen and I knew I couldn't do it with Jesse anymore. Even if I never had you I couldn't be with him. It wasn't right for either of us. That's why I broke up with him when we got back."  
  
She feels like such an idiot for never putting any of it together. For thinking Beca was trying to leave her behind when really she just wanted the opposite.  
  
"You... you loved me that whole year?"  
  
Beca laughs, but it isn't the one Chloe remembers.  
  
"Everything makes a lot more sense now, doesn't it?"  
  
_Yes, yes it does._ But she doesn't say that. She just thinks over every moment she can remember with Beca. It's like the memories suddenly change color in her mind. It isn't a stark change. Its more subtle than that. Like where once they were tinged golden, they're now bathed in bronze.  
  
She's so caught up in it she almost forgets Beca is still walking with her. When she remembers herself, she presses on, wanting the rest of the story. She wants to know about Beca asking her to move here.  
  
"That was me... being incredibly selfish."  
  
Chloe shakes her head. She thinks a small part of her had always wondered if Beca only asked out of pity. Because Chloe didn't have a plan. Or a job lined up. Or a family that she'd ever been excited to go home to. So Beca saying she did it for selfish reasons, even under the spotlight of the day's revelations, takes her by surprise.  
  
"I didn't want to let you go. I was dreading saying goodbye to you the day you came by my dad's house. And you didn't seem too happy about going back to your parents either. So I just... asked you to come with me."  
  
She asks again if Beca loved her. Because it seems to sink a little deeper with each of Beca's iterations.   
  
"Yes, I did. And I stayed in love with you the whole time we lived together. But I never tried to take advantage," she adds on quickly. "I always looked the other way when you changed and stuff. And I never initiated any of the... like, cuddling and whatnot. But I also never really pushed you away because I didn't want you to inspect the reasons why too closely if I did protest. I'm sorry."  
  
"That sounds... stressful," Chloe says, thinking about how hard Beca had to work just to interact _normally_ with her. Beca laughs and confirms her suspicions.  
  
"I just... God I don't know what to say. You really loved me that whole time?"  
  
"I did," Beca says without hesitating.  
  
"And now you... don't."  
  
"I don't," she says just as quickly.  
  
And it's weird; because after four years she thinks those words shouldn't sting. But they do. Just a little. Just enough to not sit comfortably in her mind.  
  
She doesn't say anything for a while, and they walk in silence. Virginia leads them on their way, sniffing at everything in her nose's path and looking back every now and then to make sure they're still following.  
  
She's recapping what she's learned so far when she realizes there's just a little bit left of the story she's yet to hear explained.  
  
"And, the day you finally told me?" she says quietly.  
  
Beca sighs before answering. As if maybe these memories aren't as detached as she'd like them to be.  
  
"Not telling you, keeping that secret, was like trying to hold water in my hands. Eventually it was going to spill out. It just happened to be that night," she says, looking at Ginny walking ahead of them.  
  
"And when did," Chloe starts roughly, but she pauses and clears her throat. She takes the moment to look for courage. "When did you decide you never wanted to see me again?"  
  
She thinks this is what she's most curious about. She can wrap her mind around Beca loving her. Around her having to distance herself when it all fell apart all those years ago. But this question, and its potential answer, has plagued her. Haunted her. For all the hurt Beca could inflict next, Chloe still has to know when and why Beca decided never to pursue their friendship again.  
  
"I never decided that, Chloe. It was decided for me."  
  
She looks at Beca then, and her eyes narrow without her permission.   
  
"How do you figure that? You were ignoring me, remember?" She hears the edge of petulance in her voice but doesn't care too much about masking it.  
  
"Yeah because I was in love with you and you didn't love me back! Not because I never wanted to see you again! You texted a handful of times that next day and then I never heard from you again. And yeah I was ignoring you but I was heartbroken, Chlo."  
  
She feels her brow furrow, because how can Beca not know about everything Chloe's done to reach out for her? But she doesn't say anything. Beca's words are coming out like a torrent now, and every single one of them hold more emotion than all the ones leading up to them combined.   
  
"I was hurting and the one person I wanted to be there for me was the person who broke me to begin with. And I don't blame you for that. But I thought I meant more to you than that. I thought after you gave me a little while you'd sneak your way back in just like you always did. And maybe after I got over it we could have been friends. Maybe if you hadn't given up, we could have been. But instead I had to do it all alone. I cried myself to sleep so many nights because you were just gone. And I didn't want to be the one to seek you out because by the time I was ready to talk to you, you hadn't tried to talk to me at all."  
  
Tears are escaping Beca's eyes now, making slow descents down her cheeks. They call to Chloe, begging her to step closer. But her confusion holds her in place. And in the absence of a response, Beca keeps going.  
  
"You broke my heart because you didn't love me, Chloe. But then you broke it all over again when you just let me go. Like it was the easiest thing in the world."  
  
And it's all just so _wrong_. She's never let Beca go. And nothing about this has _ever_ been easy.   
  
"We came here to say goodbye. So..." Beca says, making it obvious that her cascade of words is finished. As is her willingness to stay. It's with that realization that Chloe's voice finally catches up with her thoughts.   
  
"Wait!" she says, making Beca stop. "Beca, I never,  _never_ let you go."  
  
And when Beca just looks at her, giving her the opportunity to continue, she lets loose a wave of her own. She explains about all the texts. And about Amy telling her she'd been blocked. She leaves out that it had been on her birthday. She doesn't want Beca to think she's trying to guilt her. She just needs her to know the truth.  
  
When Beca pushes back, saying she doesn't remember any of what Chloe's saying, she explains more. Willing Beca to believe her. It dawns on her while she's talking that she'd be heartbroken too in Beca's shoes.

And that this could mean Beca _might_ give their friendship another chance.  
  
"I don't remember doing that," Beca says again about blocking her, but it sounds more unsure this time.  
  
"I mean I don't think Amy would lie. What reason would she have? And I definitely sent you texts. Even after I was told you blocked me, just to see if maybe one day you undid it. I texted you for months after that. Almost every day," Chloe says, pouring honesty into her words.  
  
"You... you tried to keep me?"  
  
It's an odd way to ask what Beca's asking. But Chloe understands. And it kills her that Beca's spent all this time believing Chloe didn't care. She takes a step closer, wishing Beca was in reach. But she doesn't go closer than that; she's not sure she'd be welcome.  
  
"I could never let you go on purpose, Beca. I have regretted leaving your apartment that night so many times. Run through so many scenarios of what I could have done differently in order to have avoided losing you."  
  
Beca stares her down for a moment, as if the silence will tell her if she should believe Chloe's words or not.  
  
"How can you expect me to believe that, Chloe? I don't remember doing it and you've got no proof," she says finally. And Chloe looks down, hating that Beca doesn't know how to trust her anymore. But if it's proof she's looking for, well, Chloe's got that in spades.  
  
"You don't have to believe me about the texts if you don't want to. I don't have them anymore and you clearly never got them. But you should check your Instagram inbox. That's proof enough."  
  
When Beca doesn't say anything, she takes it as an invitation to keep talking. To keep making her case.  
  
"Look I know...I know we said this was for us to find some closure. But clearly we've both been operating the last four years under misapprehensions about... what actually happened between us," she says calmly, belying her heart's racing beats.  
  
"I know you came here never wanting to see me again. But please, just... just read the messages in your inbox. I know you've never seen them because I check like, all the time." The words want to come out embarrassed but she overlooks it, unashamed that she checks the read status just as often as she actually writes. "But please just read them. And if after that you still never want to see me again then I'll respect that. But don't decide until after. Don't make me say goodbye when you haven't seen me trying to find a way back to you," she finishes. And she knows she's putting all her eggs in one basket. In this one chance. But if there's any part of the Beca she used to know hiding behind the face of this new one, then this is a risk she's willing to take.  
  
Beca watches her for a moment, and then bends over to scratch at Virginia's ears. And when she speaks so quietly, Chloe's afraid to hope the word is meant for her.  
  
"Okay."  
  
"Okay?" she asks just as quietly back.  
  
"I'll read them. When I get home. And then I'll... let you know. When I've read them," Beca says hesitantly. And it's all Chloe can hope for.  
  
"You were my best friend," she says, begging her voice to carry the emotion in her heart. "And even if we'll never have that again I'll deal with it if it means we can be something. Please don't walk away from this, Beca."  
  
Storm waves watch her. Consider her. And despite four years in between the last time Chloe looked into them and now, they're still as familiar to her as they ever were.  
  
"You were mine, too," she says quietly. But the words find her heart as fast as bullets, lodging themselves in and finding permanent homes.  
  
Beca doesn't say anything more. She doesn't even say goodbye. But even as she turns her back, Chloe can't help but be filled with hope.  
  
/  
  
_One Year Later_  
  
"Baby, I'm having serious withdrawals here. I don't think I'll make it 'til the end of the month," Chloe says, the whine clear in her voice. But she doesn't apologize for it, because it all felt pretty true.  
  
"I think it'll move faster than you think," Beca says, the smile clearly heard too.  
  
She's at work this time, taking another evening shift. She's grateful they aren't too busy, because it affords her the chance to take Beca's call before she goes on stage.  
  
"I love you, baby, but I think you're super wrong this time."  
  
"Guess we'll see," Beca says, as if Time has let her in on one of its secrets. "How's your day been?"  
  
Chloe jumps in, telling Beca about the yellow lab with a penchant for eating too many of its human's socks, and the Maine coon that thinks it can jump farther than it actually can.  
  
"But all together fixable problems. Ginny's been having a good time with her friends, too."  
  
She walks over to the boarding wing, and as soon as she's through the door Ginny comes running, blonde tail swishing behind her.  
  
"Wanna say hey?" she asks her over excitable pup.  
  
Ginny begins practically vibrating when she hears Beca's voice on speaker phone. It warms Chloe's heart and weighs it down at the same time. Both of them really want Beca back home.  
  
"Well, as much as I hate to say goodbye to both of my girls, I'm afraid we're out of time again," she says eventually. "Another letter tonight?"  
  
Chloe smiles. She'll never get tired of how much Beca loves her letters.  
  
"As long as you're singing, you'll have something to come back to," she says.  
  
"You really spoil me, you know that?"  
  
"I do. So get thinking on how you'll return the favor," she jokes.  
  
"I'll do my best," is the response. But it doesn't have that same joking ring to it. It sounds a lot more genuine.  
  
"Go crush it tonight, babe. I love you."  
  
"Love you, too, Chlo."  
  
Chloe hangs up then, with Beca's love in her ear and a waiting letter on her mind. It would still be a few more hours before Beca finds it, but when she does she'll see these words:  
  
_Dear Beca,  
  
Finally! We've made it past the really hard stuff. But there's still quite a bit of story left. So if it's okay with you, I think I'll focus now on the good stuff. On all the things I was feeling when our lives finally crossed paths again.  
  
Seeing you that day at my old clinic in New York. I know I've told you I wanted to throw up. I don't think I've told you though, just how badly I had to fight with myself to keep the exam table between us. Everything inside me was screaming to touch you. To make sure you were really there. But I mastered myself. And I told myself that maybe if I was patient, and pushed words instead of proximity, that maybe I'd get lucky.  
  
I wasn't confident when you said we could take that walk. But I'd take what I could get. I wanted to know everything about your side of the story. Before and after you told me you loved me. I wanted to know why you still didn't want me around if you had finally learned how to move on.  
  
You know, Aubrey once asked why I cared so much to get someone back who clearly didn't want me in their life. Not because she thought I shouldn't care, but because I really think she just didn't understand. She didn't understand why I wasn't angry. Or bitter. And I think that's understandable. I think a lot of people would feel some sort of resentment in my situation. For all I knew, you ignored me long enough to get over me, and then just continued to ignore me because you didn't care enough to dig up our buried friendship. And yeah, I'd be lying if I said those thoughts never hurt. Never caused anger to bubble under the surface. But it also never lasted.   
  
And I think maybe that's just who I am. I'm built for fighting for what I want. What I love, even when it hurts. What I believe in.  
  
And I've always, always believed in you. And I guess, on more than one level, in us. And at the end of that walk, it made all the difference.  
  
I'm going to cut this letter short tonight, but the next one will start with one of my favorite moments post-Dark Ages. Any guesses on what that is?  
  
Until then, I'm looking forward as always to the highlights from tonight's show. And I'll be waiting impatiently as ever for the next time I hear your voice.  
  
For now, I'm sending all my love across the space between us. And I can't wait until that space is nothing again.  
  
Forever yours,   
Chloe_


	8. Chapter Eight

**Chapter Eight**

_Fall 2022_

Their walk hadn’t taken very long. Not that Chloe thought it would be a particularly lengthy chat anyway. But it leaves her feeling a bit drained. She’d poured so much nervous excitement into seeing Beca again, and then expended all of it in such a short span of time, that she now feels emotionally worn out. It makes her grateful to have the rest of the day off.

She goes back home, repeating Beca’s words to herself over and over. The promise that Beca would read the messages. The promise that Chloe would hear from her at least one more time after she did.

And while it is a habit of hers to check if Beca’s actually read her messages, she doesn’t normally check this often. She finds herself opening Instagram every time her mind idles. On the fifth or sixth time she checks (still unread), she lets herself read the last message she sent.

_I really miss you today._

It was sent only a few weeks ago, and Chloe vividly remembers exactly why she’d sent the words. She was driving home from work. The sun had already set. She was tired and traffic was horrible. And George Michael was playing on the radio.

She couldn’t hear that song anymore without hearing the lyrics in Beca’s voice. And she’s used to the pangs of nostalgia whenever she thinks of Beca. But it’s always harder when they surprise her like that. She’d messaged Beca as soon as she’d gotten home. Better that the words haunt an online inbox than her insides.

She scrolls up, looking through the messages, trying to see them through Beca’s eyes. Trying to imagine what impression they might leave. She stops every now and then, her eyes hovering over particular sentiments. She tells herself they’ll be enough. Enough for Beca to stop being angry.

She jumps around the thread, scrolling and scrolling until she reaches the very top. She reads over the first message, and sends a silent thank you to her past self at how she’d chosen to end it.

_I love you. Please don’t forget that._

She backs out of the thread, reassured that yes, this is enough. The only thing left to do now is wait.

She tries to distract herself after that. She makes a shopping list and goes to the grocery store. She catches up on a few unwatched episodes on her DVR. But none of it really keeps her mind off Beca. Off this precipice they’ve approached from different sides. Nothing really keeps her mind off wondering which side they’ll fall over.

It’s funny, because she’s waited patiently for years for Beca to see her standing here. But now that the moment’s finally arrived, she finds herself fidgety and fresh out of willingness to wait. She picks up her phone as she starts to make herself dinner. She just needs someone to listen. To absorb her nervous energy. She hits the button reserved for the first person on speed dial.

“Hey, Chlo,” is how Aubrey greets her after a few rings. Her voice is light.

And Chloe thinks about waiting to dive into it. She thinks about asking how Aubrey’s day is going or how her weekend was. But there will be time for that later.

“I saw Beca today,” is what she says instead.

After only a short pause, Aubrey responds.

“Like, you saw her walking down the street or you… _saw her_ saw her?”

“I saw her saw her,” Chloe says, understanding what Aubrey meant. “I went for a walk with her in the park.”

She explains then about Beca’s dog and how yesterday had played out at the clinic.

“Anyway,” she says once that’s cleared up, “she agreed to meet me today. Aubrey, she didn’t even remember ever blocking me. She thought this whole time I’d just given up a long time ago.”

She hears Aubrey sigh before she speaks again.

“You know, I love you both, but you two have got to be the worst at communicating.”

Chloe nods to herself because yeah, they kind of are. And after today, she wonders how much of her friendship with Beca was actually spent with them both on the same page.

“I know,” she says. “But I think if we tried again we wouldn’t be.”

“What makes you say that?” Aubrey asks, genuine curiosity in her voice.

Chloe thinks back to their walk. How open Beca had been. Unashamed of emotions she used to hide.

“She’s different now,” she says. “Less… guarded, I guess. She answered every question I had.”

“Well, that’s good, I suppose. So, _are_ you going to try again? Being friends, I mean.”

It’s Chloe’s turn to sigh at these words. It’s the biggest question mark in the sea of murky water between them.

“I want to. I mean, obviously I want to. She seemed hesitant. Actually that’s putting it lightly,” she corrects herself. “She seemed altogether uninterested, but I also think she was reluctant to believe me when I told her about all the texts and blocking me and everything else. So I told her about the messages.”

Aubrey doesn’t need any more context than that. She knows Chloe’s been writing to Beca for years.

“What did she say to that?” Aubrey asks quickly.

“She said she’d read them,” Chloe says simply.

“And?” Aubrey prompts.

“And,” Chloe continues, “I guess I won’t know the next step until she does.”

“Well, whatever it is, I hope you can figure it out this time,” Aubrey says gently.

“Yeah,” Chloe says back, “me too.”

They’re both quiet for a minute then, happy to just maintain the call in silence. Chloe’s meal starts to sizzle in the pan on her stove.

“What’s for dinner tonight?” Aubrey asks, clearly having heard the sound.

And just like that, the heaviness of their earlier conversation evaporates. Chloe feels better, lighter. They talk until Aubrey says she has to go. She’s been in talks with some potential business partners on the west coast, throwing around ideas for opening another branch of the lodge on that side of the country. She’s been having conference calls at least once a week ever since they agreed on a piece of land on the outskirts of Seattle.

She hangs up, promising to update Aubrey when she hears from Beca again, but knowing they’ll talk soon anyway. They never make it more than a few days without a phone date.

She spends the rest of the evening going back to her distractions. And when she finally goes to bed that night, she tries not to be upset that her messages still go unseen.

/

When she wakes up the next morning, the first thing she notices after shutting off her phone’s alarm is that she has a notification from Instagram. Her heart seems to fall into her stomach and her eyes go wide when she realizes the notification is a message. From Beca.

It isn’t a long one. But it makes her smile anyway.

_Maybe never seeing you again isn’t what I want, after all._

She looks at the time stamp. It was sent in the early hours of the morning. She must have been up very late reading everything Chloe’s written during their time apart.

And she doesn’t know exactly what Beca’s words imply, but they certainly aren’t the goodbye she’d been dreading.

Chloe rubs at her eyes, chasing away the last of the sleep that still clings to them before propping up on her elbows. Her phone’s cursor blinks at her, encouraging her to respond.

Except, she’s suddenly unsure of what to say. She thinks for a minute, her index finger tapping a rhythm-less beat against the side of her phone. And she thinks, if honesty’s gotten her this far, it could probably take her the rest of the way too. So she just says everything, typing feverishly so nothing goes forgotten.

 _I've been writing to you for four years and with one sentence you've nearly made me forget how. I don't know what to make of your reply, exactly, but I'm choosing to believe it's something good. I know that this is a weird situation for you, but I hope we can at least try for some kind of friendship? I know it will probably never be the same as it was, and we can't just pick up where we left off (not that you'd even want to) so maybe we can just start over? Get to know each other again?_  
  
She stops here and reads over everything she's got so far. She knows getting the friendship back that she had before is a pipe dream. And while she mourns its permanent loss she understands why they can't have that again. She'd never want to put Beca in another position of potentially being heartbroken by her. So, if starting over is something Beca will consider, then she thinks it's the perfect consolation. Satisfied, she keeps writing.  
  
_All I know is that I've missed you for the last four years and I'd really like to stop. So if that would be okay with you, can I see you again soon?_  
  
She pauses again, wondering if it's too much to ask. But Beca had said herself that maybe they could. She'd opened that door. All Chloe was doing was asking if she could walk through it. So she adds her phone number to the end of the message, telling Beca she could text if that was easier. And without giving herself time to second guess her words, she hits send.  
  
It makes for an excellent start to her Tuesday.  
  
Her impatience has calmed down somewhat since Beca's message this morning. It's been replaced with excitement. She looks forward to Beca's response, whenever that may come, now that her anxiety has ebbed.  
  
Excitement that peaks again late morning while she's at work. She feels her phone vibrate in the pocket of her white coat, and when she pulls it out she sees a text message from a contact she hasn't used in years.  
  
**Becs** : Maybe starting over isn't a bad idea.  
  
She stares at the words, almost in disbelief that this line of communication is open again. She's so happy she never deleted Beca's number, if only to be able to see her name pop up on her phone like this again.  
  
She doesn't hesitate; she just texts back. And she's always had a habit of sending rapid fire texts when she's excited, so she doesn't feel even a little bit guilty for sending three texts back to back to Beca's phone. There's a certain thrill with knowing they'll all make it to their destination.  
  
It takes less time for the response to come back now. Chloe smiles again when Beca says she's free on Sunday.  
  
She suggests dinner, elated over the possibility of seeing Beca again so soon. And when Beca texts back that brunch would be better Chloe can't help but agree. Why wait all day long anyway?  
  
Against her own desires, she doesn't text again that day. If she's honest with herself, it's because she doesn't want to overwhelm Beca or come on too strong.  
  
But the next morning she does. She can't help but wonder if the line is still open. And she sort of just likes the novelty of Beca finally texting back. The rest of her week passes this way. She sends a text every morning, just to see if their new connection held through the night. She never says good morning or asks how Beca's doing. She keeps things light with random sentiments.  
  
On Wednesday she sends camel emojis. On Thursday she says that, technically, no one has ever been inside an empty room. On Friday, she asks about what would happen if a Dementor tried to kiss Harry while he was still a horcrux. She never sends more than one or two though, satisfied with only one text back each day. And somehow, it tides her over until the next morning.  
  
On Saturday morning, she sends her greeting text, but this time she wants to make sure Beca hasn't changed her mind yet.  
  
**Chloe** : still good for tomorrow?  
  
She barely has to wait at all for the response this time. It's almost as if Beca's phone had already been in her hand when Chloe's came through.  
  
**Becs** : yep.  
  
She breathes a sigh of relief before getting on with her day.  
  
On Sunday she doesn't text. She'll see Beca soon enough. She's full of nerves as she gets ready. Nerves that tangle themselves into knots shaped like butterflies. Nerves that flit about in her stomach as she walks to the diner at which they are supposed to meet.  
  
She's early again, but she doesn't wait long. She's looking down at her phone when she hears footsteps approaching. And when she looks up, she can't help but smile at the sight of Beca Mitchell. She looks nervous too, and her smile doesn't quite reach her eyes. But she's here. And she doesn't look nearly as reluctant as she had in the park.  
  
"Hi," she says airily when Beca's within earshot. She controls the impulse to reach for her. To hug her. To make sure, once and for all, that Beca's really standing in front of her.  
  
"Hi yourself," Beca says a bit awkwardly. Like she's forgotten how normal greetings work. "Uh, shall we go inside?" she asks, eyes flickering to the door at Chloe's back.  
  
"Of course," she says quickly. She begins to turn, but stops herself midway. She just really wants to hug her friend. "Um..." she says quietly. But then she hears how ridiculous it all sounds in her head and she talks herself out of the hug just as quickly as she'd decided to go for it. "Never mind," she says, louder now. She's about to start for the door again but Beca stops her.  
  
"What were you going to say?"  
  
It's while she's looking for an appropriate answer that she remembers Aubrey's words from earlier in the week.  
  
_You two have got to be the worst at communicating._  
  
And she wants to be better at it this go around. So she stomachs the embarrassment to get out what she really wants.  
  
"It's just... well would it be totally weird if... can I hug you?" she stutters out. She wonders if her cheeks are red.  
  
And when Beca doesn't respond at all Chloe takes the hint. She backtracks before Beca has to actually reject the idea.  
  
"Right," she says assertively. "It would be weird."  
  
She's turning away again when Beca finally says something. Someone Chloe doesn't expect.  
  
"No, it's... that would be okay," she says.  
  
And the words are like stones. No, like little bombs. They embed themselves into the dam that's been curbing her impulsiveness. And when they detonate, every itch to reach for Beca breaks loose and crashes out. She practically throws herself into Beca's arms, instantly feeling the butterflies in her stomach settle when she breathes in the once familiar scent of her perfume.  
  
She can tell Beca's holding back a little. Where her arms used to pull Chloe in tight, they're now stiff at her back. Her spine is ramrod straight. But Chloe doesn't mind even a little bit.  
  
And in the spirit of being honest, in communicating properly, she lets herself say what she's feeling over Beca's shoulder.  
  
"I missed you so much," she whispers.  
  
Beca pulls back then, and Chloe immediately feels the loss. But Beca's next words make up for it.  
  
"Yeah, I missed you, too," she says. She clears her throat then, and the moment is over. "Brunch?" she asks.  
  
"After you," Chloe says with a smile.  
  
They walk in, and Beca leads them to a booth towards the back, away from the window.  
  
They sit down on opposite sides and Chloe can't help but stare. How many times has she daydreamed about this? Seeing Beca again or being her friend again? It's all so very surreal.  
  
She tells Beca this when Beca catches her looking. And the look on her face makes Chloe think she might relate to the feeling. But she doesn't get a chance to respond before the waitress is there to take their orders. Beca jumps in first, clearly having been here many times. Chloe looks over the menu quickly, ordering the first thing she sees that looks good. There are more important things going on here than what she has to eat.  
  
She hadn't really been paying attention to their server's face, which is probably why she missed the moment Beca was recognized. She watches with her jaw half open while the waitress asks for a picture. And Beca responds so _naturally_ to the request. It washes over her like a wave that Beca's famous. The sensation takes her by surprise.  
  
"It's _so_ weird to me that you're famous now," she says when they're alone again.  
  
Beca laughs and rolls her eyes. That hasn't changed one bit.  
  
"You said yourself you've been following my career. Shouldn't you be used to it by now?" she asks around a smile.  
  
And she is used to it, she supposes to herself. But she's used to a famous Beca Mitchell that's somehow separate from her. She opens her mouth slowly to explain, hoping it comes out right.  
  
"Yes, but it's like there are two different... Becas in my head. The one who is this super famous singer and producer, and the one I remember," she says, looking into blue eyes so familiar to her. "It's... hard to reconcile them. Like I'm looking at you and all I can see is this person I lost. I need to keep reminding myself this-" she waves her hand in Beca's general direction, "-is who you are now."  
  
She lets her hand drop back to the table, decently proud of how she explained how she's feeling. Beca still watches her, as if she's deciding if she likes the words or not.  
  
"I'm still the same person, you know. Just more people know who that is now."  
  
It makes Chloe smile. It fills her with relief.  
  
"Good. Because that's exactly who I'm looking for," she says honestly. She smiles when Beca looks down, a pink tinge blooming on her neck. Beca’s never known how to handle Chloe’s brand of candor.

She’s clears her throat before she speaks.

"So, now that we've established... that,” she says awkward, “what have you been doing these last four years? Tell me about school."

Chloe can’t help but light up at the request; this tentative step into new friendship has felt a little one-sided thus far. The note of genuine interest in Beca’s voice eases a bit of her worry.

“Oh, I loved it. And hated it too,” she says with a bit of a laugh. Beca looks at her with surprise. Chloe had always loved school.

“The classes were great,” she continues. “But it was a bit of a shock. Undergrad was always just so… easy.”

“Says the girl who took seven years to graduate from it,” Beca says with a smile on her lips.

“Rude,” Chloe laughs. It all feels so _easy_. Sitting here and talking like this. “You and I both know the reason I took so long to graduate had nothing to do with my intelligence." It had had everything to do with not wanting to leave the Bellas, instead. Not wanting to leave the familiar. Not wanting to leave Beca.

She wonders if Beca can hear her thoughts before she moves on.

“Difficulty level at Barden aside, vet school was _hard_. I didn’t have much of a social life. Sleep was a thing you did much less frequently than you’d like to. And there was always something due. I dreamt of forgetting assignments or oversleeping for weeks after I graduated.”

“And where exactly is the part you loved in all that?” Beca asks, laughing a little. Chloe laughs too.

“Learning how to help something innocent? How to be the bridge between an animal hurting and feeling comfort. Between sick and well. There isn’t another feeling like it in the world.”

The waitress appears at the end of her sentence. She puts everything on the table, and after making sure they’re both satisfied, she leaves them alone again.

"Anyway, in my final year I had an emergency medicine rotation at the clinic I work in now and that's where I really fell in love. To help an animal when it needs me most, and to see the look of trust in its eyes when it realizes I'm there to help... there's nothing more gratifying for me. That goes without even mentioning the relief I see in the owner when I fix whatever was wrong."

Beca’s lips pull into a small smile. Chloe wonders if she’s thinking about _her_ experience at Chloe’s clinic.

"So they liked you so much that they gave you a spot when you graduated?" Beca asks before taking another bite of her food.

"I guess they didn't want to let me go," Chloe says lightly.

Beca doesn’t say anything in response, and Chloe takes the opportunity to begin eating herself. Their conversation falls into a natural lull while they both eat. But it never feels uncomfortable. At least, not to Chloe. She and Beca have had plenty of meals in amicable silence over the years of knowing each other.

When Beca finishes though, Chloe takes the opportunity to ask her own questions.

"What about you? What have you been doing?"

Beca smirks at her. It’s the same one she used to sport any time she was about to tease Chloe over something.

"I think all those messages you sent me prove that you know what I've been doing."

Chloe smiles, despite the warmth in her cheeks over being called out so playfully.

"I meant what you have been doing when there wasn't a camera on you," she says, ignoring Beca’s taunt.

"You know, same as before I guess,” she eventually says. “When I'm not working I'm still working ya know? Writing new songs or making music at home. Although, I must admit that having a nicer apartment and much better equipment makes working from home a lot more enjoyable,” she finishes with a smile.

Chloe stares at her, thinking about the words. Thinking about how… impersonal they sound.

"What?" Beca asks when Chloe doesn’t respond.

"Nothing... it's just... I guess I was wondering what you do outside of music related things,” she says. “Like, have you traveled any? What do you and Ginny like to do together?"

And she doesn’t know why it feels like she shouldn’t ask. It _shouldn’t_ feel that way, she decides. So she keeps going.

"Are you seeing anyone?"

Beca’s answer is perfectly nonchalant though. So she thinks she’s just being weird about it.

"I've traveled some, but after distancing myself from the Bellas it turned out that I didn't have a lot of friends. And I'm not so great at making them either, so I haven't traveled much outside of touring because, like, who wants to do that alone, ya know?"

She can’t help but frown. She hates the way Beca so casually mentions that she doesn’t have a lot of friends. She hates the way it sounds like she’s just accepted that as a fact of her new life. She’s about to say so, but Beca continues first.

"So it's mostly just Ginny and me. She goes with me almost everywhere, even to the studio sometimes. She's such a chill dog. Everyone always loves her. I'm still friends with Theo. We hang out whenever it's convenient. And I talk to Amy every now and then, though I'm hoping to mend that bridge a little too."

That makes her smile. She knows Amy would love that.

"I'm... not currently seeing anyone, no. I think Jesse was this weird anomaly because it also turns out that I kinda suck at relationships."

And that… just makes no sense.

"That can't possibly be true,” she says before she can stop herself. “You're one of the kindest, most thoughtful, caring people I know. At least, you were," she says. If the way she treated Chloe was the way she treated someone she loved, then Chloe doesn’t understand how she could possibly be bad at relationships.

"I dunno, I guess I was just never invested enough. Everyone always ended up leaving."

_Why the hell would anyone ever do that?_

She doesn’t say that though. She asks a question instead.

"What happened in your last relationship, then?"

Beca laughs without humor.

"You mean the one before the several failed attempts that never even left the ground?"

Chloe nods.

"Do you remember Sofía?"

The name sounds familiar from the moment it leaves Beca’s mouth, but finding where it fits into her memories takes a few seconds longer. When she finally places it, a faceless woman with dark hair and dark skin pops into her mind.

"Your almost one night stand from Miami?!" she says as soon as it snaps into place.

Beca puts both hands in the air to wave Chloe down.

"Say it a bit louder, won't you? I don't think that guy outside heard you,” she says, making Chloe laugh.

"Your almost one night stand from Miami?!" she repeats in a stage whisper.

Beca rolls her eyes and Chloe smiles at the sight of it.

"Yes, her. She got a promotion with her job a few years ago that required her to be in New York four days a week. We had kept in touch after my trip, so it wasn't a big deal to hang out on the days she was here."

"So you were friends first?" Chloe asks, wondering how they jumped into dating.

"Yeah, for the first few months she was up here. But it always felt... charged? Wow, that sounds cliché,” Beca says to herself. “Like, it was like we were both thinking about that night in Miami but it never got brought up."

"And then?" Chloe prompts.

Beca shrugs. "And then one night we were just at my place watching a silly movie together, until suddenly we weren't anymore,” she says around a smirk, making it obvious what made them stop watching.

What isn’t obvious is why it makes Chloe feel like she has to fake a smile in response to it.

"So what went wrong?"

Beca sighs.

"Honestly? It was always just too... easy? We were definitely compatible. We never argued. We saw each other when we both wanted to. There was no lack of attraction."

"You call that something going wrong?" Chloe asks in the middle of Beca’s reasons. Reasons that all sounded like something was going very right.

"Patience, Beale,” she teases. "There was just never... what you expect to be there. Ugh, that's not really what I mean. Like, I don't think either of us ever minded the possibility of it ending. There was never a moment where I said to myself, ' _I have to have her forever_ ,' ya know? And I mean, if you're gonna be with someone, shouldn't you feel that?” Beca asks, looking straight at Chloe.

“Like shouldn't you feel like you're never close enough to them? Or like you can't see a future without them in it?"

It’s an interesting question. One that makes Chloe wonder if she’s ever felt that way about anyone before. Romantically speaking, anyway. She’s felt that way plenty of times in the past. Ironically enough with the girl sitting right across from her. She always loved being close to Beca. But she doesn’t think that’s quite how Beca meant the sentiment. She comes to this conclusion just as she realizes Beca expects an answer.

"That's... exactly how you should feel, I think,” she says slowly, testing out the words. They feel honest.

Beca clears her throat before she continues the story.

"Anyway... after about 18 months she was able to arrange going back to Miami full time. Which I think she kind of always wanted anyway. And I was just... fine with it, I guess. Neither of us were particularly heartbroken over it, though I wasn't too thrilled over going back to so much alone time."

Chloe’s about to say something, though she isn’t sure what yet. But their waitress interrupts her half-formed thoughts.

“Everyone doing okay, here?” she asks.

Beca lifts an eyebrow in Chloe’s direction before confirming they were fine.

"So that's what I mean by sucking at relationships,” she says once they’re alone again. “I did care, just not enough I guess."

And everything in her is telling her to offer comfort. To tell Beca she’s wrong. To take her hands or lean closer. But her hesitation costs her the opportunity and Beca leans away.

"What about you? Dating anyone?"

"Nah," Chloe says quickly. There’s even less to tell on her end than there is on Beca’s. "I guess I suck at relationships, too."

Beca frowns before she probes further.

"What happened with Chicago?"

She pauses only for a moment.

"That," Chloe says with a shy smile, "is a story for another day."

She feels awkward about having to tell Beca she broke up with someone because she couldn’t stand the idea of being with anyone who contributed in any given way to the ruin of their friendship. It feels too heavy for brunch. The light is too bright and they’ve laughed too much.

"Aww, come on. I told you mine," Beca teases. But Chloe just smiles and shakes her head.

"Fine," Beca huffs. But it doesn’t sound serious. "Another day?"

"I promise,” she says. "Speaking of other days, can we do this again soon?"

She asks it feeling mostly confident, but there’s still a little bit of niggling doubt in the very pit of her stomach. And when Beca doesn’t answer right away she says it out loud. She wants Beca to know it’s okay for her to be leery.

"You're still not sure about this, are you?"

She watches storm waves, wondering what they might tell her.

"It's not that," Beca eventually says. "I do want to be friends. I hope you can believe that. It's just... like I said before, that's all I can afford to feel for you. I know it's probably awkward for you to hear, but in the spirit of just being honest, I don't ever want to have to get over you again. So you'll have to forgive me for being careful this time."

Chloe nods, absorbing it all. It isn’t awkward. It’s logical. She doesn’t want to ever hurt Beca like that again. She’ll go along with whatever Beca needs for this to work.

"Okay, whatever you need to do is fine with me if it lets us be friends again."

"Maybe we can just have some... better boundaries this time,” she says slowly after a few moments.

Chloe’s never been the best with boundaries. But she’s not unwilling to give it a go.

"Yeah... we never really had many of those, I guess. Any suggestions?"

"Maybe we should just limit how often we see each other, at least until this doesn't feel new anymore,” Beca says immediately. “And maybe if we don't hug or otherwise be overly affectionate that'd probably be good. Definitely no sleepovers, like, ever. Ya know what, let's just not even go to each other's places."

She tries to smile to bring a little levity. But it feels forced on her lips and she can’t help but feel disconcerted at how quickly Beca was firing off ideas to keep her at arm’s length.

"Put some thought into this, have you?"

"That's a question for another day,” Beca says, smirking and using Chloe’s own words to avoid answering. "Oh, and one more thing?"

Chloe lifts a brow, wondering what else Beca could possibly come up with.

"Don't go falling in love with me, okay? Because that would just screw everything all up."

Chloe laughs at this, grateful that it isn’t actually another rule. Or at least, that it’s a rule she can easily follow.

"I'll try not to," she says.

The mood is lighter after that. The tension floats away from them, leaving less and less behind the further away they get from that conversation. Beca calls their waitress over, and offers to pay the check for both of them. Chloe offers to take the picture for the waitress when she reminds Beca she still wants one.

They leave after that, walking out the door and down the street side by side.  
  
When they reach the sidewalk on the main avenue, Beca turns to her with a smile on her lips.  
  
"I'll text you soon, okay?"  
  
Chloe nods.  
  
"Until then,” she says. “Bye, Beca," Chloe responds. She wants to say more. To _do_ more for this goodbye. But she doesn't.   
  
She turns her back and begins walking away. This will all have to be on Beca’s terms. At least... for now.  
  
/  
  
_One Year Later_  
  
It's a slow day at the clinic. Which isn't necessarily something to complain about. It's not like Chloe _wants_ animals coming in sick or hurt. Mondays are usually kind of slow anyway, because regular vet offices are open again.  
  
But today the clinic is just _dead_ and their lack of patients is making for a day that's just dragging by. And the other vet on duty, Melissa, keeps telling Chloe she'll handle all the menial tasks around the office. Housekeeping things and paperwork. Things that would use up her time, even if she isn't particularly fond of doing them.  
  
She misses Beca. The show she'd put on last night in Vegas had featured a few changes to her usual set list. Changes that appeal more to the kind of audience one might find in Sin City.   
  
There had been more dancing. More bass.  
  
More skin.  
  
And Chloe can't help but feel the lack of all those things more acutely. It doesn't help that Beca's Instagram tag has been blowing up with comments she wishes people would keep to themselves ever since.   
  
Comments about Beca's voice. The way it makes people feel. Comments about her clothes and her body. Comments about _her_ Beca.  
  
They make her feel strangely possessive. Which isn't an altogether new sensation, but it's certainly not one she has a lot of experience with.  
  
So she'd stopped reading them a few hours ago. It's no wonder Beca never reads any of her photo comments or checks her inbox, when so much of it makes Chloe cringe.  
  
The damage has already been done though. She's left feeling wanting and lonely. She wishes Beca would call her. Would call and quell that irrational need to be reminded that Beca is hers and hers alone. But Beca's been unusually quiet today, sending only a good morning text presumably when she woke up.  
  
She's brought out of her brooding when Melissa walks by with a stack of papers that look like discharge summaries ready to be filed away. She sits up straighter in her chair.  
  
"Hand me a stack," she says. "I'll help you."  
  
"With this?" Melissa asks, distracted. "This won't take any time at all. Thanks, though," she says, finally looking up at Chloe and smiling.  
  
Chloe frowns. She wonders why Melissa's been so reticent to accept her help today. They normally get on fine together.  
  
She doesn't have long to dwell on wondering though because as soon as Chloe's about to get up and help anyway, Eric walks through the door.  
  
"Chloe, there's a lady and her dog in the lobby. Asked for you by name," he says.  
  
She frowns. It isn't unheard of for repeat patients to prefer certain vets but she doesn't get asked for specifically very often.  
  
"What's wrong? Did she say what she wanted?" she asks as she gets up and begins moving for the door. Eric walks with her down the hallway and Melissa trails behind them.  
  
"Don't think anything's wrong," Eric says. And in her periphery, she thinks he's smiling.  
  
When they walk out into the open lobby, Chloe's lips part in a wide smile and her heart leaps.  
  
Standing there with Virginia, a leash in her hand and sunglasses atop her head, is Beca. Her smile is as bright as Chloe's must be.  
  
"Oh my god," Chloe says happily. She dashes across the room, and her vision clouds over just a little when small tears spring to her eyelids.  
  
And she should probably slow down. She should probably try _not_ to bowl over her girlfriend. The girlfriend who could probably do without serious injury while she finishes out her tour.  
  
But her legs aren't listening. And Beca seems to know what's coming because she braces herself, only taking a step or two back as Chloe throws herself into her arms.  
  
"Hey, baby," she says quietly into Chloe's ear. "God, I've missed you."  
  
Chloe holds on for a few seconds longer, consumed by the feeling of Beca's body against hers. Overwhelmed by the smell of her perfume.  
  
There's just always been a certain thrill that comes with being this close to Beca Mitchell.  
  
Ginny yips at their knees, circling them excitedly and beating their legs with her tail.  
  
But the hug isn't enough after so long apart. A tiny part of her brain reminds her that they aren't alone but it isn't sharp enough or loud enough. So when she pulls back she pulls back only enough. Only enough to catch blue eyes for the briefest of moments before she finds Beca's mouth.  
  
Beca kisses her back softly, smiling against her lips. Chloe's hands find places at Beca's back, pulling her impossibly closer. She tastes like her chap stick and Chloe could so easily forget everything else around them if Beca would give her just a few more seconds.  
  
But she pulls back after a moment much too small; the look of regret in her eyes no consolation for the loss.  
  
"Careful," she teases. "My next show isn't supposed to be until tomorrow."  
  
It makes Chloe laugh, mostly because Beca sort of has a point.  
  
"What are you doing here?" she asks.  
  
Beca looks at her like it's obvious.  
  
"You said you weren't going to make it until the end of the month. And honestly that's sort of against my best interests so..."  
  
It makes Chloe smile. How Beca always downplays her romanticism.  
  
"So how long do I have you?" she asks, all playfulness lost. She's already doing the math in her head. Counting the hours between now and the start of Beca's next show.  
  
"Until tomorrow morning. So Ginny and I have come to bust you out of this joint. We were wondering if you'd like to go for a walk with us?"  
  
As if emphasizing Beca's point, Ginny yips again.  
  
"Oh baby, I'd love to. But my shift doesn't end for another few hours," she says, hating the precious few hours she has with Beca are already being eaten into.  
  
"Oh, that reminds me," Beca says. She leans around Chloe then, and directs her next sentence behind Chloe's back.  
  
"Thanks again, Melissa. I owe you one."  
  
Chloe's brow furrows as she turns around.  
  
"You were in on this?"  
  
"Why do you think I've been stopping you from getting into anything overly tedious?" she asks. "Beca told me before the tour even started that she was coming back today. She asked if it would be possible for you to leave a few hours early, so I've made sure you didn't get attached to anything too important because I wasn't sure exactly what time she was coming."  
  
"You little conspirator!" Chloe laughs. But she walks back towards her colleague and new friend. She pulls her into a light, one-armed hug.  
  
"Thank you," she says genuinely. "I'll be right back," she says quickly to Beca, who's still waiting with Ginny.  
  
She runs to the back, not wanting to waste any time, to collect her bag. Upon returning to the lobby, she gives quick goodbyes to the staff.  
  
Then she takes her lover's hand and they walk out. Always side by side.  
  
/  
  
It's a beautiful afternoon in the park. California hadn't quite cooled all the way down yet, despite approaching the end of the year. Chloe walks with Beca's hand in hers, while Ginny leads them down trails that are starting to become familiar.  
  
She can't keep her eyes off her girlfriend. She delights in her proximity. She drops kisses to Beca's hand and steals them from her lips as they walk along.  
  
"So, you've had this planned for a while then?"  
  
Beca smiles.  
  
"I can't believe you thought I'd go the whole month without you. You severely overestimated me, Beale."  
  
Chloe laughs and her heart hums along in her chest at the words. She's suddenly filled with so much affection for her girlfriend that staying in this park any longer seems like a terrible idea.  
  
"Well now that I've been properly proven wrong," she says, slowing all three of them down with a tug on Beca's hand, "can we go home now?"  
  
"Already?" Beca asks. "We haven't even made it a half mile yet."  
  
Chloe nods. It's quite imperative that she gets Beca behind closed doors. Fast.  
  
And all it takes is one look. One look for Beca to understand why they have to leave.  
  
Chloe crouches, and Virginia trots back quickly, stopping in front of her.  
  
"I'll make it up to you, V. I know this is a short walk but we'll go for a longer one another day. Okay? I promise."  
  
Virginia yips. She figured out the word "promise" years ago.  
  
"When we get home you're going to have to excuse yourself, 'kay?"  
  
They move quickly then. Quickly back out of the park. Quickly down streets with speed limit signs telling them not to. Quickly out of the car once it was parked safely in their garage.  
  
They undress quickly, leaving clothes scattered in a path to their bedroom. Chloe falls on the bed quickly, desperate for Beca, who quickly follows.  
  
But everything after that? It's anything but quick.  
  
/  
  
"You should be sleeping," Chloe whispers hours later. She lays front side down in their bed. One arm under a pillow and the other over Beca. Her fingers trace patternless lines across the bare skin of her back.  
  
"I will soon," Beca says.  
  
"I'm so, _so_ happy you came back today. I wish we had more than just one night."  
  
"Me, too."  
  
Beca's silent for a moment or two after that. She looks like she wants to say something but isn't sure if she should.  
  
"What?" Chloe asks.  
  
"It's just... I _really_ like missing you."  
  
Chloe's eyes narrow in confusion.  
  
"Sorry. Can't relate. Can you explain?"  
  
Beca laughs before she responds.  
  
"No I mean, I obviously don't like missing you. I like that I _do_ miss you so much. I've never... I've never really felt that way about anyone before. I guess it... it makes me feel like I finally got it right."  
  
Chloe smiles and leans in. Beca's the first person to make her feel like she's finally got it right too.  
  
"I love you," she says. She doesn't wait for Beca to say it back. She just kisses her. Sleep be damned.  
  
/  
  
The next morning is hard. But it's easier than the first time Beca left. Knowing they've got less time between them until the tour is finally over.  
  
"I feel like this doesn't really make up for all your incredible letters," Beca says before she leaves. "You really brought your A game with that."  
  
"It isn't a contest, baby," Chloe says sweetly before she grins. "But if it were, I'd totally be winning."  
  
"Yeah, yeah," Beca says, rolling her eyes in that way Chloe loves so much.  
  
They take their time saying goodbye. Eventually though, a car rolls up to the curb in front of their house and Beca drops one more kiss to her lips.  
  
"Love you," she says quietly.  
  
Chloe just hums in response. She watches, with a pang of longing already blooming in her chest, as the love of her life walks out the door.  
  
She thinks of the letters that remain. The ones still waiting to be discovered. She can't wait to see what Beca thinks of the next installment of the story.  
  
The part that sits in an envelope marked eight. The part with the following words written in Chloe's love:  
  
_Dear Beca,  
  
I believe I promised you a favorite, post-Dark Ages moment.  
  
After our first walk in the park, the one where I told you about all the messages, I went home and incessantly checked to see if you'd read them yet. I went to bed that night feeling disappointed and impatient. But the next morning? Waking up to that single line back from you? I felt so relieved. So happy. So optimistic. It was like having hope in a bottomless bottle.  
  
Again, it's one of the moments that, for me, gave our story a crossroads. With one path leading to nothing, and the other leading to everything. And in that moment, that moment when I saw your words waiting for me, I was overwhelmed with happiness over which path you'd chosen.  
  
I loved that our connection was beginning to heal. That I was finally, finally able to reach you. It was all so exciting. I can see now that maybe I was already on the path to falling in love with you again even then. I've never felt that way about any of my other friends. But you, God, even getting texts from you was like a tiny shot of adrenaline. Like that feeling you get when your crush likes you back.  
  
You made rules of engagement for us when I saw you next. In that little breakfast diner. Do you remember? Each one felt like a weight around my ankles. Holding me back. Stopping me from running right for you. I'm so glad they didn't last very long. I was always chastising myself for nearly breaking one.  
  
More on that later though. Until then, my love, just know that that was the first moment I had real hope for us. That I will always cherish that memory because it provided a springboard into something new.  
  
Next up in your letter series:  
-Late night talks on your couch  
-Realizing you were still a huge softie  
-Abandoning the rules  
-The first time I wondered what it would be like to be with you  
  
For now, I hope wherever you are as you're reading this, that you're smiling.  
  
I love you. I love you. I love you.  
  
Yours always,  
Chloe_


	9. Chapter Nine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All mistakes are mine. Proofreading sucks.

**Chapter Nine**  
  
_Fall 2022  
_  
It’s been a few days since Chloe said goodbye to Beca on a busy street corner. And in those few days, Chloe has mastered the impulse to call or text about a hundred times. It’s hard keeping her distance. It’s hard knowing that she can now send her words directly to Beca after so many years of sending them into the void between them. But Beca made it clear that she was approaching this whole thing carefully, and Chloe was set upon helping her do that.  
  
So she maintains her silence. Beca will reach out when she wants to, and that will have to be okay. In the meantime, she had left Chloe with something to think about. She can’t help but hear Beca’s words in the diner over and over. Beca’s theory that if you’re supposed to be with someone, you’ll never feel close enough. She’d immediately related that feeling to Beca in the moment. What did that say about her? She definitely likes being close to Beca. Or at least, she used to. Beca doesn’t really give her the chance now but she doesn’t think her fondness over the feeling has changed regardless. But is she attracted to her? She doesn’t linger for very long on the possibility. Beca is objectively beautiful. Any sighted person can see that. But the only thing Chloe desperately wants from her is her friendship. So she concludes that maybe Beca’s theory applies to more than one kind of love. Or maybe Chloe just loves differently. She isn’t sure, but she isn’t worried either. As long as she’s on the right path with Beca she doesn’t actually care.  
  
On the third day of wondering when she might hear from her again, she gets a text from Fat Amy that momentarily makes her forget all about Beca and her theories.  
  
**Ames** : You free this weekend? Fat Amy returns to NYC on Friday!  
  
Chloe squeals at her phone. She always has such a good time with Amy any time she comes home to visit. Like always when she’s excited, her replies are rapid fire and hastily typed out.  
  
**Chloe** : You know I’ll always clear my schedule for my favorite Aussie.  
  
**Chloe** : You crashing here again?  
  
**Chloe** : I haven’t gotten the guest bedroom set up yet in the new place. But I can by Friday if you need me to.  
  
Amy usually stays with Chloe whenever she comes back to New York. Mostly because while Chloe was still in school, and before she moved, Amy was still helping her out with rent on the old apartment. Chloe knows she’s stayed with Beca once or twice; she always demanded details whenever Amy hung out with her lost friend. But for the most part it was always Chloe who Amy chose to crash with. So her response slightly surprises her when it comes through.  
  
**Ames** : I’ll be acquiring different accommodations this time. Thanks though, Red. Just get ready to have some fun.  
  
Chloe smiles. She can do that.  
  
She leaves work a few hours later. It had been a busy day in the clinic, and they’d had a few scares, but in the end she hadn’t lost any patients today. It’s the kind of day that leaves her feeling exhausted but happy, and she can’t wait to get home and collapse on her couch for a little while. It’s as she’s getting in her car that her phone chimes with a new text message. Like she had with Amy, Chloe can’t help but smile wide when she realizes it’s a text from Beca. Upon opening it, she sees that Beca and Virginia are having a beautiful walk in the park.  
  
Virginia is in the foreground. She’s got her head up, looking out at the sprawling trail ahead of her. A leash connects her collar to Beca’s invisible hand out of frame. The background is dotted with trees, and is painted with all the colors of fall. It makes Chloe wish she were with them. It makes her almost forget the picture had come with a message.  
  
**Becs** : Ginny says hi.  
  
Chloe smiles again. She loves the nickname. She thinks about responding but then decides to wait until she gets home. She doesn’t want to seem overeager.  
  
And she makes it almost a whole block before realizing she shouldn’t be thinking that way. That yes, she is going to do this on Beca’s terms but that no, she isn’t going to pretend her emotions are anything other than what they actually are.  
  
And right now, her emotion is happy to have heard from her friend. She uses her car’s Bluetooth to call Beca. She answers on the first ring, but the salutation isn’t at all what Chloe’s expecting.  
  
"Amy, I will buy a vibrator, okay? Will that make you happy, you weirdo?"  
  
And Chloe just doesn’t know what to do with that sentence. It seems Beca and Amy’s conversations are much different than the ones Chloe has with either of them.  
  
"Not how I expected to be greeted, Becs. Why exactly, may I ask, would Fat Amy be interested in your personal...” she pauses, looking for a delicate way to say ‘masturbatory habits’, “extracurricular activities?"  
  
She cringes, hating the expression she ended up choosing.  
  
"And that's the last time I  _ever_  answer the phone without looking at the caller ID first,” Beca responds. It makes Chloe laugh and forget her embarrassment.  
  
Conversation flows naturally after they move away from such an unexpected topic. Beca tells her about her day with Virginia and Chloe talks about her shift at work. She can’t help but notice once more how effortless it all is. How it would be so easy for this to be awkward but that it never really makes it there. She loves that neither of them forgot how to just talk after four years apart.  
  
In no time at all, she’s pulling up to her building. She parks her car in the underground garage reserved for residents and soon after, she hears Beca getting out of her car too with Virginia.  
  
“So what are—”  
  
“Virginia, that is  _not_  yours!” Beca says sharply, cutting her off. “Sorry, what were you saying?”  
  
Chloe laughs, wondering what Beca’s excitable pup had gotten into.  
  
"Nothing really. I was just about to ask what your plans were for the rest of the week. Are you recording anything right now?"  
  
It takes a moment for Beca to respond. Chloe can hear doors opening and other noises that suggest she just walked into her own apartment.  
  
"Uh, nothing official,” she eventually says. “Just playing with a few ideas right now and basking in the limelight of the Grammy nom. I do have a talk show taping tomorrow evening though."  
  
Chloe perks up at that. She still isn’t used to experiencing Beca’s fame directly.  
  
"Oh, that's so exciting! Which one is it? You always look so comfortable and confident on those things."  
  
And if she were to let herself, she’d feel embarrassed again at letting it slip how closely she’s kept up with Beca. But she doesn’t let herself. It’s just the truth. And Beca doesn’t seem to find the comment weird, anyway. Her voice sounds perfectly normal when she answers.  
  
They talk about the taping for a few minutes, and Chloe makes a mental reminder to stay up the following night so she can watch it. She wonders if it will feel different this time, watching Beca. Now that she’s in her life again.  
  
“Any weekend plans?” she asks when that topic comes to a natural ending place.  
  
"As a matter of fact, Amy is coming into town on Friday and staying with me. So yes to weekend plans, I just don't know what they are yet,” Beca says, reminding Chloe of Amy’s visit. It seems she’s figured out what Amy’s other accommodations are.  
  
"Yes! She texted me earlier today saying she'd be here for a few days and wanted to get together. I didn't know she was staying with you though, that will be fun."  
  
"You should come over one night while she's here,” Beca says easily. “Save me from letting Amy drag me all over Manhattan."  
  
Chloe only frowns though. Going to Beca’s place breaks one of the new rules of their friendship. Chloe should know. Each one feels like a tattoo in her memory. A stark and raw reminder that the ways they spend time together are limited.  
  
"I think you'll find that me coming over is a direct violation of our new boundaries, Becs.”  
  
She says it as lightly as she can. She wonders if it was convincing.  
  
"And I think you will find that Amy is the perfect buffer. Besides, there's an exception to every rule," Beca says. But it doesn’t really make her feel better. She doesn’t want to do something Beca is even a little bit uncomfortable with.  
  
“Okay… only if you’re sure?” she says slowly. But Beca doesn’t hesitate in her response.  
  
"I'm sure,” she says confidently. She seems to realize Chloe needs more assurance than that though because after a moment she continues. "Look I... I really appreciate you... doing this for me. I know the ‘Chloe approach’ to friendship is sort of just... all in.” It makes Chloe laugh because it’s so, so true.  
  
"So I know this is weird for you. For us. But I'm probably less breakable than you think I am. So don't be afraid to... to just be yourself. I don't want you thinking you have to wait for me to text you first or... or thinking you shouldn't come over if I invite you. I  _am_  over you. Okay?"  
  
The words make Chloe chide herself a little. Beca’s a big girl, and she can make her own decisions. Chloe shouldn’t be second guessing them. She shouldn’t be treating Beca, in her words, like she’s breakable.  
  
“Okay,” she says, resolving to do better.  
  
They exchange a few more words before hanging up. And Chloe feels a little better after Beca’s reassurances. But, for reasons still unknown to her, she also feels a little worse.  
  
/  
  
The next day, Chloe lets herself text Beca first. She wants Beca to know she really heard her when they last spoke. She keeps things light, telling Beca to have fun on her show taping and to send her a selfie. She always loves her look for public appearances, and she’s sure this time will be no exception.  
  
The reply takes a few hours, but when Beca finally does send her a picture, Chloe can’t help but stare in disbelief for a few seconds. The picture is the selfie Chloe asked for, but it features Beca’s show host also. He’s leaning forward at his desk, grinning. Chloe shakes her head, smiling at the photo. She sends a response back immediately.  
  
**Chloe** : OMG! I'm saving that! Did you just walk up to Seth Meyers and ask for that? You lead a pretty cool life, Beca Mitchell.  
  
She goes back to the picture after that. She’d been so surprised to see Seth Meyers that she didn’t look properly at Beca. But when she does, she can’t help but think Beca looks great. Her dress, like everything else she wears for these kinds of things, is amazing. Her hair falls around her shoulders in loose waves and her makeup is minimal. Her eyes are bright. Chloe wonders for a brief moment if she shouldn’t say anything. But she reminds herself again about what Beca said the day before, and with those words in mind, she sends another text.  
  
**Chloe** : And your dress is beautiful. You look beautiful.  
  
She smiles at how easy Beca’s response is when it comes through.  
  
**Beca** : Thank you. And yeah, it ain't a bad life, huh?  
  
She doesn’t respond, but she does save the photo to her phone. She can’t wait to watch the show later tonight.  
  
About half an hour later, she’s standing in her kitchen and staring into the pantry trying to decide what to make for dinner when her phone begins to ring. She picks up quickly when she sees Aubrey’s name. It had been a few days since their last phone date.  
  
“Hey, Bree,” she says happily.  
  
“Hey, what’re you up to?” Aubrey asks.  
  
They talk for a few minutes about nothing important. Aubrey chooses what meal Chloe should make and then tells her about her day while Chloe gets everything out.  
  
“You’ll never guess who texted me a little bit ago,” Aubrey says just as Chloe’s pulling a corkscrew out of one of the drawers.  
  
“Hmm?” Chloe asks. She’s definitely listening. But she’s also really invested in this bottle of red wine on her countertop.  
  
“Beca did,” Aubrey answers, sounding still a little surprised by it.  
  
“What?!” Chloe asks, even though she heard perfectly. She abandons the corkscrew halfway twisted into the cork.  
  
“Yeah, like half an hour ago. She apologized for pretty much ghosting everyone the last few years,” Aubrey says. “I think that’s being a little unfair to herself. The only one she truly ghosted was you,” she continues thoughtfully. “Uh, sorry, I didn’t mean—”  
  
“It’s okay,” Chloe cuts her off. “I know what you meant.”  
  
“Anyway, I thought it was really nice of her. You know, she’s really not as unfeeling as I think she’d like everyone to believe.”  
  
Chloe bursts into laughter at the words. She’s known that little fact for years. She doesn’t know why it takes everyone else so much longer to see that Beca’s all just mush on the inside. It makes her wonder when they might all be able to get together again now that Beca’s rejoining the group.  
  
“Yeah,” she eventually says when she reins in her laughter. “I think you’re right.”  
  
Her phone vibrates in her hand. The way it does whenever a text comes through during an ongoing call. She ignores it though. She’ll check when she hangs up. She and Aubrey continue talking after that. A little about how it’s going with Beca on her end. A little about work. A little about nothing. Her phone vibrates several more times throughout. They don’t hang up until Chloe’s dinner is done. It’s only after she sits down with her plate that she checks the texts. And they’re really the cherry on top of what has been such a great day. Each one is from the Bellas’ group chat.  
  
**Ames** : I think it’s time we added back our long lost captain to the thread, no? Now that Bhloe are friends again.  
  
Chloe smiles wide to see Beca’s name in the list of recipients.  
  
**Emily** : BECAAAAAAAA  
  
**Emily** : Welcome back!  
  
**Stace** : O captain, my captain!  
  
  **Cee** : Long live Bhloe! Welcome back, B.  
  
**Lilly** : Penguins get lost sometimes, too.  
  
Chloe shakes her head at that one. She doesn’t respond right away. She’s not sure how Beca will feel about all the Bhloe references. Another text comes through while she’s staring at the screen though.  
  
**Bree** : Happy to have you back, Beca.  
  
She smiles again. Aubrey’s text sums up her feelings pretty sufficiently.  
  
Chloe stays up later than usual that night to watch Beca’s show. A few minutes before it airs, she sends two texts. One as a spur of the moment sentiment, and the other because the words haven’t gotten out of her head all day.  
  
The spontaneous one goes directly to Beca.  
  
**Chloe** : I am so excited to watch you talk to Seth Meyers. Stay tuned for all the flailing I'm about to do.  
  
The other is her response to Beca’s newfound inclusion in their group chat.  
  
**Chloe** : Welcome home.  
  
She doesn’t pick up her phone again until Beca’s segment starts on the show. She looks so famous and so  _cool_  . Like it isn’t at all a big deal that she’s on this talk show. Chloe watches her carefully, remembering what Beca said about always feeling nervous. She definitely can’t tell.  
  
It’s a pretty standard interview, all the way up until the Bellas get mentioned. Chloe practically shrieks when Seth Meyers sort of says hello to her. And everything Beca says about their group warms Chloe’s heart. It’s suddenly obvious what made Beca want to reach out to every member she left behind.  
  
And she  _had_  warned Beca about all the flailing. So she doesn’t feel bad for blowing up Beca’s phone for the duration of her time on screen. By the time the segment is over, Chloe’s cheeks actually ache a little from smiling so much.  
  
She gets ready for bed quickly once the show ends. She’s got an early day tomorrow and as a general rule she thinks one should be well rested before practicing medicine. Her phone chimes twice just as she’s getting under the covers. Both are from Beca, but one is for the group and one is just for Chloe.  
  
**Becs** : I’ve really missed you weirdos. Glad to see no one’s changed.  
  
**Becs** : Your flailing was probably the highlight of my evening. Kind of kicking myself for missing out on all of it this whole time.  
  
She smiles, and sends a text back.  
  
**Chloe** : Don’t worry. I’m sure there’s plenty of it left over for future endeavors.  
  
She turns the screen off then, and rolls over.  
  
Dreams find her quickly after.  
  
/  
  
Two evenings later, Chloe finds herself feeling nervous again. Well, maybe not nervous. Maybe it’s more like the exact line where anxious meets excited. She can’t wait to see Amy again. And she wants to see Beca, too. But despite the fact that everything was fine on the day they got brunch together, and despite the fact that it feels so  _normal_  to talk to her on the phone, she still feels a bit jittery over the idea of going to Beca’s place. She supposes she just isn’t quite used to it all yet.  
  
She’d offered to pick up the pizza when Beca suggested that’s what they have for dinner. It was on her way anyway. Upon arriving at Beca’s building, she types in the key code Beca had given her to let herself in. And when she gets to the door she knows is Beca’s, she’s got a pizza box in one hand and her nerves in a chokehold in the other. She’s determined not to let them get the better of her tonight.  
  
Amy is the one that opens the door, to Chloe’s surprise. She sees a flash of white teeth and blonde hair before she’s being bodily pulled into a tight hug.  
  
"My favorite redhead holding one of my favorite foods. You, my dear ginger, are a vision," Amy says with her arms still holding Chloe in place. The warm welcome makes her feel a bit giddy, and already she feels some of her anxiety slip away.  
  
When Amy finally lets her go, Beca takes the pizza box. Chloe makes eye contact for a split second, but refrains from hugging her too. Instead, she walks over to Virginia to greet her, and she immediately turns belly up when Chloe starts doling out the scratches. It makes her smile.  
  
"Your apartment is beautiful, Beca," she says after one final rub between Virginia’s ears. Her eyes fall on the far side of the room, where floor to ceiling windows give way to Beca’s view of the city. The place itself is spacious and indicative of Beca’s paycheck. Chloe wonders how many of her student loan payments are in just one month’s worth of rent here. But the rest of it is nothing but Beca. The furniture, the walls, and the countertops are all monochromatic, with the odd splash of color here and there to draw the eyes. It makes Chloe think of college Beca, with her dark clothes accentuated by bold tank tops. Or bright eyes framed by thick eyeliner.  
  
“Thank you,” Beca says, looking genuinely pleased by the compliment.  
  
Amy starts handing out slices of pizza after that, and the rest of Chloe’s nerves disappear now that her arrival and reception is out of the way. They toast to themselves with cold beer bottles from Beca’s refrigerator and then it’s like the last four years are compressed into nothing. Talking and laughing and just being together is as easy as it ever was when they were all living together, and Chloe’s heart is full over coming back to one of her favorite pastimes.  
  
Her happiness slips a few times, though. During moments when she can’t help but wonder if it ever was this easy for Beca. If Beca ever really did have as much carefree fun as Chloe’s having now. She watches her carefully over the course of the evening, trying to reassure herself that, at least now, her smile and her laugh are genuine. And Beca catches her looking more than once, but it doesn’t make her look away. She holds her gaze each time.  
  
And everything’s fine while Amy is with them. Beca had been right—she is a good buffer. With her in the room, they’re just three friends hanging out together. Not two people rekindling a friendship that happen to share a mutual friend.  
  
It’s when she gets up to go to bed that Chloe feels any amount of pressure or awkwardness.  
  
She gets up as well to pull Amy in for a hug before she bids her goodnight.  
  
"I'm so glad I got to see you," she says quietly.  
  
"You too, ginger. Maybe now it'll be easier for me to come back home since I can see everyone at once."  
  
The possibility alone makes Chloe so content and full of warmth. She catches Beca's eye over Amy's shoulder and is pleased to see she's smiling too.  
  
"You better," she says, directing her words back to Amy.  
  
"Yeah, yeah," she says, waving away the empty threat. "Night, B."  
  
Beca bids her goodnight also and then they're alone. And Chloe's not sure if her invitation to be here is still open anymore without Amy.  
  
"I should probably get going," she says, not wanting to put Beca in the position of asking her to leave.  
  
"Are you sure?" Beca asks easily. "You could stay a while longer? I mean, if you wanted. If you want to go home that's totally fine too."  
  
Chloe feels a smile tug at the corners of her lips but doesn't let it fully take shape. Beca keeps surprising her with how often she breaks her own rules.  
  
"I don't want you to rush off just because we're on our own now," she continues when Chloe doesn't say anything.  
  
And it's just so _sincere_. Chloe doesn't doubt that Beca's really okay with her staying. So she drops onto the couch with her. They sit at opposite ends facing each other.  
  
"You say you're the same, but... you are different."  
  
Upon seeing the look of confusion on Beca's face she continues.   
  
"It's not a bad different. You're just... more open now. Less... guarded, I guess. Which is so weird, because I didn't know you  _were_  guarded before. But it's so obvious now."  
  
And even though they're still learning how to navigate this new territory together, even though Chloe wishes she didn't automatically overanalyze every last thing she said to Beca, she likes that Beca puts it all out on the table for her.  
  
"I don't have any more secrets to keep, I guess. No sense in hiding what I'm feeling," Beca says, echoing Chloe's thoughts.  
  
She stretches out her legs, letting them rest opposite Beca's. She watches Beca for just a moment and wonders if, after everything that's happened, Beca's finally happy. And before she can stop herself, the question tumbles out of her mouth. Beca looks at her for a few moments, as if she's searching for the answer.  
  
"Most days," she says eventually. But the way she looks down makes Chloe think there's more coming.  
  
"I think..." she continues, "that there's a difference between being happy and being... fulfilled."  
  
Chloe watches her, wondering how Beca defines the distinction.   
  
"Like I have so much to be happy about. My music, success, a nice place to live. It would seem... ungrateful to say I'm not happy with the life I have."  
  
Chloe can't help but wonder what's missing.  
  
"But?" she prompts, hoping Beca will make it clear.  
  
"But those things aren't what are remembered at the end of a life," Beca says, looking right at her.  
  
"What is?"  
  
She leans forward because she doesn't want to miss the answer.  
  
"People," she says simply. And right then Chloe gets it. Beca's lonely.  
  
She doesn't get the chance to ask about that though, because Beca speaks first. "Are  _you_  happy?"  
  
She thinks about her own life. How, even though she's achieved so much, she still gets lonely too sometimes. So Chloe smiles, choosing to repeat Beca's words.  
  
"Most days... I think you may have a point about happiness versus fulfillment though."  
  
Beca thinks about that only for a moment before she asks her next question.  
  
"Will you tell me about Chicago?"  
  
Chloe leans back again. She wondered when Beca would remind her that she's promised an answer.  
  
“It's not that big a deal."  
  
Beca knocks the side of Chloe's leg with her ankle.  
  
"It's a big enough deal for you to keep it a secret."  
  
"I just... I don't want you to feel weird about it. It really isn't something that even matters. Especially not anymore."  
  
And it really doesn't, she thinks. Chicago is so far in the past. But she thinks Beca can tell it has something to do with her. She thinks she'd be curious too if the situation were reversed. So she takes a breath and just tells the truth.   
  
"After I found out about, you know, how you felt... I just felt so awful about it. Like it just killed me how much pain you felt because of me and I dunno... I was so scared I was going to lose you because of everything. I couldn't be with someone who contributed to it."  
  
She says it all while she stares at her lap, feeling sheepish.   
  
"I know that's so stupid. Like obviously he didn't actually hurt you. But he helped me hurt you. And I just... couldn't stay with him."  
  
They're both quiet after that. Beca presumably letting that sink in while Chloe pulls that conversation out of her memories.  
  
How she'd told him she couldn't keep talking to him or Skyping him. How she hadn't even offered an explanation and how he'd assumed it was because he was long distance. She'd told him repeatedly it wasn't that but it wasn't until she'd given him the truth that he believed her.  
  
_"Beca loves me,"_ she'd said.  
  
He didn't argue after that. Even now, she's not sure he understood the implications of the sentence, but it doesn't matter. She couldn't keep him in her life. And that was that.  
  
"I can't believe you broke up with him because of how  _I_  felt," Beca says, breaking the silence. Chloe frowns. Everything was so hard after Beca told her how she really felt. But that phone call? It was the easiest thing in the world.  
  
"You were my best friend, Beca. I loved you," she says simply.  
  
Beca's shoulders rise while she takes a deep breath after the words. And Chloe berates herself for making it awkward with such blunt sincerity.  
  
"Sorry, I didn't mean to... to kill the mood," she says quickly.  
  
"No, it's not that," Beca says, making her feel better. "You didn't. I just... didn't expect that. That's all."  
  
"We seem to surprise each other a lot," she responds lightly.  
  
Beca laughs before she speaks again.  
  
"You hiding any more secrets, Beale? Might as well air them out while we're on the subject."  
  
And there really aren't, she thinks. Sure, she holds back some thoughts here and there (when her eagerness doesn't get the better of her), but she wouldn't call them secrets.  
  
"I think that was my last one," she says. And with that in mind, there's something else she wants to say. "Hey, Becs?"  
  
"Yeah?" Beca asks, her gaze steady.  
  
"I'm really glad we're here." She says it quietly to let Beca know she means it.  
  
"Sitting on my couch in the middle of the night?"  
  
Chloe laughs. She knows Beca understood her. "I  _am_  glad for that, actually. I went far too long without it. What I meant though, is I'm glad we're together, wherever that may be."  
  
Beca smiles at her. It's genuine and unreserved and Chloe absolutely adores it.  
  
"Me too," she says.  
  
Chloe changes the subject then, happy to go on to something lighter now that she's said what she really wanted.  
  
"Speaking of your couch though," she says, running her palm over soft leather, "it's pretty much the most comfortable couch I've ever sat on. How do you not fall asleep here every night?"  
  
Beca laughs and she lets her hand make a trail down one cushion also.  
  
"I _have_ fallen asleep here more times than I meant to."  
  
And just like that, the heaviness that settled in the air from the moment Amy departed evaporates around them. They talk about anything and everything. Chloe forgets the hour and Beca smiles enough for her to almost forget the lost time between them too.  
  
When she remembers it again, she checks her watch and her eyes go wide. She hadn't meant to stay this late (early?), but she's too happy to mourn her lost sleep. Still, she doesn't want to overstay her welcome so she gets up and stretches.  
  
"I'm glad you stayed a while," Beca says, warming Chloe's heart even more. "Text me to let me know you made it home, okay?"  
  
Chloe assures her that she will and looks around the room for Virginia, wishing to bid her goodnight too.  
  
"Ginny went to bed a long time ago," Beca says, clearly reading Chloe's mind. It makes her laugh.  
  
She grabs her bag and slips her shoes on at the door. She offers a final goodnight and turns to leave. She desperately wants to pull Beca into a hug but she knows she can't. And that will have to be okay.  
  
But Beca surprises her, letting her old nickname fall from her lips so quietly Chloe almost doesn't hear it.  
  
"Chlo," she says, before warm fingers find Chloe's elbow and turn her back around.  
  
She catches a small smile on Beca's lips and something she doesn't have a name for in her eyes before she's being led into her embrace. She goes willingly, lifting her arms to Beca's back and resting her chin on her shoulder.  
  
"What about the rules?" she asks. She sort of hates herself for reminding Beca about them, but she'd feel too guilty if she didn't.  
  
Beca hums once and her arms bring Chloe in just a little closer.  
  
"That's what I loved most about being your friend, ya know," she says, still holding her in the hug. "We didn't subscribe to rules. I don't know why I thought we should start."  
  
Chloe's only too happy to shuck the chains off their friendship, so her smile blooms full and bright before Beca even lets her go. And when she pulls back, she thinks Beca's must match it.  
  
"Goodnight, Chlo," she says quietly. But her eyes give her away. They give away her excitement. And they give away her sincerity.  
  
Chloe doesn't say anything else before letting herself out. She doesn't have to.  
  
She thinks her own eyes probably give her away too.  
  
/  
  
The next day, after not enough sleep and not enough coffee to make up for it, Chloe's phone chimes with an incoming text from one of her coworkers. She blinks at the screen blearily from her couch. She'd just been on the verge of falling asleep again for a nap. The text turns out to be a picture from one of the techs.  
  
**Julia** : We have ourselves a new guest. At least until she's ready for rehab. We named her Rosie!  
  
And while Chloe's always prided herself on her professionalism, she can't help the little squeal that escapes her throat upon seeing the attached picture of a fawn curled up in a pile of blankets in one of their back rooms.   
  
She springs up, nap forgotten. It's not every day one gets the chance to care for a baby deer.  
  
She makes it to the clinic in record time, and walks to the back as soon as she gets there.  
  
"Hi," she whispers when she walks through the door. She doesn't want to startle the baby in the room.

 

"I knew you wouldn't be able to wait," Julia says back, laughing. "She's through there."  
  
She points to the door leading to the back half of the room. Chloe steps through it gently, but her efforts are mostly wasted because Rosie the fawn is fast asleep. She takes a moment to watch her, her head tilted to the side and her hands itching to touch.  
  
But there will be time for that when the little deer is awake. She walks back out, snagging Rosie's recovery plan on the counter on her way. She looks over her feeding and weaning schedule. Her reason for being here breaks Chloe's heart. But with a little rehab she knows she will be perfectly prepared to re-enter the wild.  
  
"We have a few first and second year students volunteering to stay with her," Julia says when she sees Chloe with the chart. "That way it frees up some time for the staff."  
  
Chloe nods, liking the idea.  
  
"She's due to be fed again in about half an hour if you want to stay?"  
  
Chloe doesn't need telling twice. She hangs around, talking to Julia and then the vet on duty when he catches a free moment. And when it's time to wake Rosie to eat, she lets Julia do it. Better that someone already familiar is the first person she sees. Chloe gets the bottle ready while Julia's in the other room. She checks the temperature and makes sure it's flowing properly from the nipple. When she goes into the little room with it, she sits down nearby. She wants Rosie to make the decision to come to her.  
  
It doesn't take long. Either Rosie is particularly hungry or Chloe just has a face the deer can trust. Maybe both. But it melts her heart, no matter the reason, when Rosie stops right next to her and doesn't flinch when Chloe's fingers find silky hair. She feeds the deer just like she's bottle fed other baby animals in the past. And just like all those other times, she feels such happiness over being a source of comfort for something so helpless and innocent. She makes the decision to text Beca before the bottle is even empty. She wants to share this incredible feeling with her friend. In the way that Beca shares her music, Chloe wants to share a little bit of her world, too.  
  
She decides to invite Beca to the clinic on Thursday. It's her day off, so she won't have to worry about being pulled away. And it'll give her a few days to get to know Rosie better. It takes a few hours to get a firm response, but with Beca's words from the previous night still in her mind, Chloe doesn't worry.  
  
When she does eventually respond, Chloe smiles at her screen. She doesn't tell Beca what they'll be doing. She likes the idea of seeing the look of surprise on her face.  
  
She goes to bed that night hoping Thursday doesn't drag its feet.  
  
/  
  
Time seems to be heeding her wishes. Each day at work moves quicker than the last. And she does something different each evening. She watches a movie with Aubrey one night. She has drinks with her coworkers the next. On Wednesday she'd been too tired for anything, and just caught up on some reading by the lamplight in her living room.  
  
She hasn't spoken to Beca, with the exception of confirming that the designated day and time was still good for her. But this time it isn’t because she’s afraid she shouldn’t. She just doesn’t want her excitement to get the better of her and ruin the surprise.

When Thursday finally arrives, she goes to the clinic a bit early to make sure Rosie’s having a good day. Heather, one of the student volunteers, is keeping an eye on things, and she speaks to her briefly before she gets things set up for her bottle feeding after Beca arrives. She’s never seen Beca really interact with any animals outside of Virginia, but she thinks she might like the chance to feed Rosie too. And when that’s done she returns to the lobby to watch the parking lot from the window. She smiles when she sees Beca pull in, Virginia’s head just visible over the dashboard.

She walks out to greet them, and Beca says hello with an easy smile as soon as she’s out of the car. Chloe smiles back and turns her attention to Virginia, whose whole body is wiggling with excitement inside the car.

As soon as she’s let out, she goes to Chloe tail wagging. Chloe bends over and greets her happily.

“Hey, Ginny,” she whispers, trying out the nickname. The pup seems to like it because she licks at Chloe’s face affectionately in response.

"You're more excited to see my dog than you are to see me," Beca says playfully. "I'm starting to think you're only in this for the Ginny time."

Chloe shakes her head before she steps closer. Getting to know Virginia is certainly an added perk to finding Beca again, but Chloe could never be in this for anything other than the girl in front of her.

"Hello to you too, Becs," she says happily. She pulls her into a brief hug, consciously aware that this is the first time she doesn’t feel unsure about the physical contact.

"So, do I get to know what we're doing now? And are my clothes okay?" she asks when Chloe lets her go.

She throws a cursory glance at her clothes, thinking the t-shirt and jeans combo is perfect for her plans, before turning and walking towards the entrance.

“You look great, Becs,” she says easily. Beca doesn’t respond, clearly waiting on more information about what they’re doing. So when they walk through the door, Chloe gives her a little more.

"We have an on-site boarding program in addition to our medical services. I thought Virginia might like some play time with the other dogs while we... go in the back,” she finishes, still keeping Rosie a surprise.

“You just made her day,” Beca says with a wide smile. “I promise you.”

With Beca’s obvious approval, Chloe beckons Ginny in the right direction.

"Come on, Ginny! Wanna come play?"

They walk down the hallway to the boarding wing. Chloe lets them inside the rec room where all the other pups are currently playing. With a little encouragement from Beca, Virginia bounds away. Chloe watches for just a moment, pleased that she looks so socialized despite being an only pet.

Satisfied that Ginny will be entertained for the foreseeable future, she tugs on Beca’s sleeve and leads her away. They go back the way they came before turning down a staff only hallway. Beca displays a little hesitation but Chloe assures her it’s fine.

At the door that conceals Chloe’s surprise, she gives Beca her last hint.

“I wanted you to meet a friend of mine,” she says with a smile. She leads them inside, spotting Heather still sitting in the floor where she left her earlier. Her reaction to seeing a famous pop star walk in behind Chloe is enough to make Chloe laugh out loud. She introduces them quickly, feeling a little prideful but mostly just happy, and then asks for a few minutes alone with Rosie. She doesn’t want one of Beca’s fans breathing down their necks while they’re here, well-intentioned or not.

Once the door closes again, she walks towards the back half of the room, Beca on her heels. Her lips pull into a smile when she sees Rosie again, her default response to such cuteness. She’s awake and her eyes are bright as she watches them walk inside. When she turns back around to see Beca’s reaction, she can’t help but love the expression on her face. It’s a perfect mix of surprise and adoration.

"This is my friend Rosie," she says before dropping onto the floor next to the little fawn. "We just got her Sunday afternoon. She's a baby white-tail deer." She strokes behind Rosie’s ears, and even though Rosie’s shown signs of trust since day one, it still makes Chloe happy to see her lean into Chloe’s touch.

Still standing where Chloe left her, Beca asks about Rosie’s family. Chloe explains in as few words as possible, not wishing to drag down the mood they’re currently sitting in.

“Can… can I touch her?”

Chloe smiles. She wondered how long it would take for her to ask.

“Of course. But you have to win her over first,” she says playfully.

“Any helpful tips?” Beca asks back with the same tone.

"Easiest trick in the book, Becs,” she says truthfully. Years of working with animals had taught her quickly that one thing will always be true. “Through her stomach. Sit down so you'll look less threatening. I'll be right back."

She watches Beca sit down slowly and cross her legs facing Rosie. She throws a glance at the deer, and when she doesn’t see any sign of discomfort, she excuses herself to get the bottle ready. In the front half of the room, Beca’s voice barely reaches her in garbled tones. And even though she can’t tell what Beca’s saying, she likes that she’s talking to Rosie. She’s already working on winning her trust.

She hands the bottle over when she walks back in the room, this time dropping next to Beca instead of next to Rosie. She sits close, wanting to show their little friend that Beca is safe to approach.

"You might have to tempt her a little the first time, but she'll come over soon enough," she says.

Beca nods and turns away, holding the bottle out in plain sight.

“Can I interest you in a beverage?” she asks, making Chloe chuckle. She loves how at ease Beca seems.

Rosie’s ears perk up but she remains in her place.

"Come here, Rosie," Beca says gently. "I won't hurt you."

Her voice is quiet and soothing. Perfect for what she’s trying to do. Rosie must think so too, because with the last word she gets up and starts slowly edging closer. Beca pulls back when she gets close enough to reach the bottle, encouraging her to step into Beca’s orbit. Beca’s patient with her, holding steady and not pushing her too quickly. So, when Rosie finally gets close enough to take the bottle right next to Beca’s lap, Chloe can’t help but be proud.

“Good job, Becs,” she says whispers, not wanting to interrupt the feed.

She can see the edge of Beca’s smile from this angle, and she watches happily while Rosie drains the bottle. Beca reaches up tentatively with her free hand, petting Rosie’s neck and scratching behind her ears the same way she does with Virginia.

When the bottle is empty, she places it on the floor on her other side. And Chloe smiles because she knows Rosie likes to see that it’s empty before it’s taken away. She watches her step right into Beca’s lap to make sure Beca hadn’t taken it away early.

She does surprise her though with what she does next. When she determines that yes, there’s really nothing left in the bottle, she lays down right on the spot. Happy to curl up right in Beca’s lap.

“Chloe!” Beca says, not at all containing her excitement.

And the thought only enters her mind for a flash of a moment. But it definitely, without question, is there. Her eyes watch Beca’s face. Her smile and her obvious delight over her current circumstance. She can’t help but wish she were closer. Can’t help but want to hold Beca’s hand or press into Beca’s side. And Beca’s words from the diner emerge again, reminding Chloe that that particular feeling is something she’s only too familiar with because of Beca.

So it’s there in the floor, with a fawn in Beca’s lap and a smile resting on her lips that Chloe wonders. Just a little, and only briefly, but she can’t help but wonder what really _being_ with Beca might be like. What being with someone as kind and patient and endearing as Beca could feel like. The thought surprises her, but it isn’t unwelcome. It sparks more curiosity than anything. And when Beca looks up at her the words fall off her tongue with no thought to stopping them.

“You’re adorable, you know that?”

Beca looks down again, maybe a little embarrassed at such an overt compliment, but she’s still smiling so Chloe doesn’t bother apologizing. She just takes her phone out and snaps a photo of the moment. She smiles at it. The way Beca’s looking at the little deer in her lap. And how obviously comfortable and safe Rosie seems in her place. It’s enough to melt anyone’s heart.

"Can I post this? It's just so cute," Chloe says.

Beca assures her that that’s fine and Chloe uploads it to her own Instagram. She takes it off vibrate and moves it to completely silent, sure that Beca’s followers will have her phone blowing up in no time at all.

They sit quietly for a few minutes. Rosie’s eyes eventually slip closed and Beca continues stroking her. She asks about her future and Chloe assures her that she should be able to rejoin the wild after enough rehabilitation. Beca watches her as she talks, looking a little preoccupied. It makes her feel self-conscious by the time she finishes her explanation.

“What?” she asks when Beca grins at her.

"Nothing, it's just... you're different too, you know."

Chloe grins back, but she wonders about what specifically made Beca say that.

“How so?”

Beca takes a deep breath, as if her answer will be a long one. But it’s playful and short when it comes out.

“You’re a real grown up now,” she says, still grinning.

Chloe offers a phony gasp of surprise as if the words insulted her.

“What did you think I was before?” she asks, checking Beca’s shoulder with a little shove from her own.

“A child, obviously,” Beca says confidently. It makes Chloe burst into laughter.

"Rude," she says playfully as she gets to her feet. "Come on, we should go before she wakes up.” She has to laugh when Beca gives an honest to goodness pout for a response. "Fawns imprint really easily. And so do you apparently, by the way,” she says, noting how much Beca already loves the little baby in her lap. "We don't want to hurt her chances of reentering the wild.”

Beca groans but agrees, and Chloe scoops Rosie up into her arms quickly and efficiently. She puts her back down into her pile of blankets and turns back to Beca before she’s even had time to stand up again.

She puts her hand out, even though she knows Beca needs no help getting to her feet. It’s just there’s a little residual need to reach for her Chloe can’t seem to shake.

"Let's go see how Ginny's getting on," she says. And she’s delighted when Beca takes her outstretched hand. For the moment, her need is satisfied.

They go back to the boarding wing to find Ginny’s made all sorts of new friends during their time spent with Rosie. Virginia sniffs at the new scent on their clothes and skin for a solid minute, but seems reassured when Beca tells her she’s still her number one pup. They have fun playing together, and Chloe feels so proud of having the idea to invite Beca and Ginny to this place she loves.

She’s not sure how long they’ve been watching Ginny run around but at some point Beca’s phone rings and she excuses herself. She isn’t gone long, and when she comes back in it’s to announce she’s got a last minute guest spot in a famous DJ’s show the following week.

Chloe congratulates her and asks about the details, all the while still finding it difficult to reconcile the Beca she used to know with this new one that goes on talk shows and gets called up for surprise guest spots in different artists’ shows.

They decide to leave after that. Virginia looks like she could use a solid nap and Chloe’s got a few errands to run during the remainder of her day off. Out on the sidewalk, Beca turns to her before getting into her car.

"Thank you so much for letting me meet Rosie," she says.

"I'm glad you enjoyed it." She smiles at Beca and the sincerity in her voice.

"Are you kidding? It was awesome! Are you sure that's how you wanted to spend your afternoon off work?"

Chloe looks down, thinking of the errands she needs to run or the sleep she wants to catch up on. But she’s sure this idea was a much better use of her time.

"I was with you. Can't complain about that."

She doesn’t catch the look on Beca’s face after the words. But she must have said something right because Beca offers her a quick thanks before walking right into her space and pulling her in for a hug. It’s the least reserved Chloe’s seen her be since that fateful day in the very building they’re standing in front of.

Chloe’s arms come up automatically, reflexively. Just like they always do whenever she’s hugging Beca Mitchell. But this is the first time her hands have refused to still at her lower back. It’s the first time she remembers consciously using them to pull Beca in just a little closer.

Her musings from earlier creep back in as Beca pulls away and gets into her car. Chloe smiles at her as she leaves.

What would it be like to really be with Beca Mitchell?

She’s not sure. But she thinks it probably wouldn’t be that bad.

If she’s being honest.

/

 

_One Year Later_

 It’s been a fast week. She’d been positive time would slow down the closer she got to Beca’s final show, but, as it does sometimes, it seems to be smiling on her.

She feels a newfound closeness with her coworkers after they’d helped Beca with her plan to surprise Chloe at work. And she thinks it’s already helped the way they work together. Emergencies are more seamless. They’re less disjointed and require less verbal communication. She needs to remind herself to thank Beca for more than just surprising her the next time they talk.

She checks the time on her phone’s screen. Beca’s firmly into the middle of her set, so it’ll be another couple of hours before Chloe’s goodnight phone call. But she doesn’t mind waiting. The clips on social media are enough to entertain her for hours.

She thinks about her letters. There aren’t many left. Including tonight’s, Beca only has three that remain unread. Chloe smiles to herself, and at this idea she’d had that began brewing the moment Beca decided to do this tour. She knows that gestures are one of the main ways she communicates love. Just like Beca communicates it in music and in the quality time she gives to Chloe and their life together, despite her fame always trying to pull her away. But she thinks Beca’s right; she really did bring her A game with these letters. And while she’s excited for Beca to discover the last one, and hear the whole story, she’ll be patient. Each one is important and each one holds an anecdote that she wants Beca to hear.

She thinks of the one she’ll find tonight. How, even though she still hasn’t gotten to falling in love the second time yet, this letter still contains something of a turning point in the story.

She remembers the little nine she’d put in one corner of the envelope. The _Beca_ she’d put in the center. And the words she’d written weeks ago while Beca had been asleep next to her.

Words that read like this:

_Dear Beca,_

_I promised you a few things in this letter, no? Shall we get started?_

_As you know, Aubrey called me on the day you first texted her (and the rest of the Bellas) to apologize for leaving the group behind. She mentioned thinking you were a lot softer inside than anyone really realized and all I could do was laugh. I’d always known you were a huge softie. But I love that memory. I loved rediscovering that you were still the same warm-hearted girl I remembered, and I loved that you’d grown enough to start letting other people see that too._

_I wanted to call you right then, as soon as I hung up with Aubrey, to tell you how happy it made me to hear you reaching back out to the other Bellas. I wanted to welcome you back into the group chat with as much enthusiasm as everyone else had. But, as you know, we were still operating with those atrocious rules you set for us (sorry babe, but they really were awful). And I was trying to be a good Chloe and follow them by not being too forward with you. So I waited a little while. Tried to make it look like I was totally cool and collected over the whole thing. Did it work?_

_When you invited me to your place, that weekend Amy visited, I certainly never expected to stay over as late as I did. I was fully prepared to leave the moment she went to bed. You can only imagine how excited I was to have you asking me to stay. I’ll never forget a word of that conversation we had on your couch in the middle of the night. It might be one of the most open and honest talks I’ve ever had with anyone. I loved every second of it. I think that’s why I lost track of time so, so easily._

_And honestly, I’d already thought the night was perfect when I did eventually get up to leave. I couldn’t have hoped for a better time with you. And I certainly hadn’t dared to dream I’d get all that time to myself after Amy went to sleep. So, yes, I thought it was perfect already. But when you said forget the rules? When you took me into your arms and told me our friendship could never work that way? That’s what made that night perfect. What solidified it as one of those memories, one of those moments of our story that I’ll never forget and will always love. I shed a few tears of happiness before I even made it out of your building that night._

_I was less careful with you after that. Of course, you’d told me to be so I don’t feel bad about it. What I didn’t realize though, was that by being less careful with you, I was being less careful with myself. As you will discover in your next letter, being so careless is what let something very important creep right up on me soon after we abandoned those rules. But that will have to wait._

_For now, you’ll have to be content with this last moment I want to share with you. The moment I first wondered about actually being with you._

_Do you remember Rosie the deer? It was the day I introduced you to her. She was sitting in your lap right after you’d finished feeding her. And I just remember looking at you, and your smile and your contagious happiness, and just being so charmed by you. And you weren’t even trying. It was a fleeting thought, chased away when your eyes caught mine, but it was there long enough to take root. When you drove away that day with Ginny, I came back to it. I still hadn’t realized how attracted to you I was—I was too focused on being happy you were giving our friendship a real go. But even then I wondered, and I remember thinking being with someone like you couldn’t possibly be bad._

_I’m happy to report that my past self was quite right. Being with you is everything I want. It leaves nothing to be desired, except in those moments when all I want is to be closer and just can’t seem to manage it. But I’m willing to deal with it if you are ;)_

_So, you probably realize by now that your letters are drawing closer and closer to their end. And yet, I’ve only mentioned that first time loving you thus far. It seems I have two more times to shed light on, and very few letters left with which to do it. I’m getting there, I promise. In fact, letter number ten will be all about that second time. I hope it lives up to your expectations._

_Until then, I hope that when you read this you smile. I love you. I miss you. I can’t wait to have you in my arms again._

_Sending all my love from California,  
_ _Chloe_


	10. Chapter Ten

**Chapter Ten**

_Fall 2022_

She looks around her apartment, trying to see it for the first time again. Trying to see it how Beca might when she arrives any minute with Ginny. It’s still small, but she doesn’t need much living on her own. It’s still bigger than the box they’d all lived in together in Brooklyn.

She’s excited to see Beca again. They haven’t hung out since playing with Rosie and Ginny at her clinic. But that’s just how adult schedules are, she muses. They don’t line up as easily as they did in college.

She’s also excited to be able to keep Ginny while Beca’s away in Miami. Beca’s hesitation over asking had been absolutely adorable, but Chloe had no reservations about letting Virginia stay with her. She’s really looking forward to the few days they’ll have together. She’s always loved dogs.

Her thoughts are interrupted by the buzzer at her front door, letting her know Beca’s waiting to be let inside the building. She accepts the request quickly, and gives her place a last once over while she waits for Beca to arrive at her door. It doesn’t take long for the soft knock on the other side of it, and when she opens it, she greets her friend with enthusiasm.

“Hi!” she says, stepping aside so they can step over the threshold. Beca throws her a smile and walks inside, unhooking Ginny’s leash immediately. Chloe sinks onto the floor so she can greet the excited pup.

“So this is where you live,” Beca says, looking around.

Ginny rolls over onto her back, not so subtly asking for belly scratches.

“It’s not much,” Chloe says, thinking that’s especially true if she compares it to the apartment Beca calls home. “Student loan repayments are a real bitch.” She says the last sentence with something close to actual malice, but if she continues to live minimally for a few more years she hopes to leave her debt behind permanently.

“I can imagine,” Beca says, reminding Chloe again that debt is a foreign concept to her famous friend. But she doesn’t hold it against her; she’ll never be anything but happy for Beca’s success.

“But I like this place. It’s so…,” she continues, taking another sweep of the place. “It’s so you,” she finishes, letting her gaze fall on Chloe.

Chloe smiles as she stands up. “Thank you.” Then her eyes fall on the rucksack over Beca’s shoulder, and she has to suppress a laugh. “Is that whole thing for Ginny?” she asks, wondering what on earth could take up that much space for a dog.

“I didn’t want her to miss anything,” Beca says hurriedly before placing the bag on the floor. She unzips it and starts pulling things out. “Don’t judge me.”

Chloe bends down too and helps pull out the remainder of the items, tossing a toy to Ginny in the process, who takes it to the foot of the couch and lays down with it.

“Consider yourself not judged,” Chloe says playfully. It’s the truth, even if she does tease Beca a little about it. She thinks she’d probably be just as bad if she had a dog of her own.

“Well, she already looks at home,” Beca says when she glances at Ginny by the couch. It makes Chloe smile to see how comfortable Ginny feels in her space. She takes the food and water bowls from Beca’s outstretched hands and sets them up on a towel in the kitchen floor.

“They’re right here, okay Ginny?” she asks, making sure the dog sees where her bowls are. When she turns back to Beca, she can see she’s already folded up the rucksack and looks like she’s ready to leave again. And the idea is wholly intolerable.

“Would you like to stay for dinner?” she asks without thinking. She hadn’t even planned what she was going to make yet. She hopes there’s something in her kitchen that’s easy.

Beca looks at her like she’s thinking about the answer, but she doesn’t look reluctant like she has in previous weeks.

“I mean, if it’s no trouble?” Beca asks, unsure.

Chloe smiles and pulls on Beca’s wrist until they’re in the middle of her kitchen. She opens her refrigerator door and looks around. The first thing she sees are a few bottles of beer, so she grabs two and places one of them in front of Beca. It’s rude not to offer guests a beverage. Upon second glance, she realizes she has everything she needs for tacos, as long as there are tortillas in her pantry. She pulls it all out and gets to work as if she were alone.

But Beca surprises her by jumping in to help. She opens cabinets and drawers until she finds things she’s looking for, knowing that Chloe’s only too happy to have Beca in her space. She puts the pan on the stovetop for Chloe to brown the meat and then takes a knife to begin dicing a tomato. It fills Chloe with warmth, and she loves how easily this still comes to both of them. They used to make dinner like this all the time when they lived together.

She’s just putting two plates on the countertop when Beca puts another beer in front of Chloe, already uncapped. Chloe smiles at her, and wonders if she ever really dreamed this would be possible again.

“What are you thinking about?” Beca asks, catching her gaze.

Chloe distracts herself with the pan on the stovetop to give herself a moment to collect the words.

“Right now?” she asks.

But Beca isn’t beating around the bush, and her clarification doesn’t leave Chloe any wiggle room.

“When you smiled at me just now.”

She pulls the tortillas out of the oven and sets them aside before she answers.

"I'm just really happy you're here," she says. And then, after wondering if it’s okay and reminding herself that it is, she puts her hand over Beca’s on the countertop. It’s warm and her skin is soft against Chloe’s palm. And she loves that Beca doesn’t pull away.

"I think... I think even though I never gave up on trying to connect with you again, I never actually believed I'd ever get our friendship back,” she says truthfully.

"Then why  _didn't_  you give up?" Beca asks. "If you never thought it'd actually get you anywhere, I mean."

Chloe sighs, but the answer doesn’t require much thought.

"You have to have hope, right?"

"Hope's never done me any favors," Beca says quietly. "But I'm glad it worked for you."

Chloe knows instantly Beca’s talking about them. About her. How Beca hoped for Chloe. How she hoped for Chloe to love her back. It sends cracks rocketing along her heart to be reminded of Beca’s pain. So when Beca tries to pull her hand free from beneath Chloe’s she can’t let her go. She wants that one second more of feeling Beca’s skin. Of knowing that despite all that pain, Beca eventually still wound up right here with her hand in Chloe’s. And she wants to tell her she’s sorry again, for not loving her the way Beca wanted. But when she opens her mouth the words get stuck. It strangely reminds her of the way a lie is reluctant to leave her tongue. So she lets the moment, and Beca’s hand, go instead.

"You're here now, hope or no hope. So let's eat before this gets cold,” she says, hoping Beca didn’t pick up on her change of heart.

They make their tacos and sit down at the kitchen table. Ginny lumbers over as soon as Chloe pulls her chair closer and lies across her feet, instantly warming them up with her soft fur.

“Traitor,” Beca says, looking under the table. “I think you both like each other more than me.”

Chloe laughs at the absurdity of the statement.

“Don’t be silly, Becs,” she says lightly. But then she continues to Ginny in a stage whisper just to tease her friend. “Good girl,” she says with a smirk.

And just like the afternoon they spent together at Chloe’s clinic last week, their dinner together is light and easy. It’s as if from the moment Beca hugged her in her apartment, all her worry started packing its things. It left quietly and without fanfare, and Chloe realizes she’s happily surprised not to have it anymore. But it lets her be herself a lot more easily. She reaches for Beca more easily, and smiles to herself when Beca lets her.

By the time Beca announces she needs to get home, Chloe’s almost forgotten Beca came over for a specific reason to begin with. She hands Beca her keys after she slips on her jacket.

“Thanks for dinner, Chlo.”

“Of course,” she responds, happy Beca decided to stay. “What day is the show?” She wants to make a mental note to remind herself on what day to wish Beca luck.

“Not until Friday,” Beca says while she slips on her shoes. It makes Chloe frown though, because tomorrow is only Tuesday.

"But you're leaving tomorrow? Do you need three days to prepare?" she asks, genuinely curious.

"Nah," Beca says, shaking her head. "I'm only doing two songs. I do need a day to run through with Martin, he's going to mix them while I sing. But that's Thursday. I'm going down early because Theo is also in town so I was gonna catch up with him,” she says. Chloe nods along at the explanation.

“I also usually see Sofía anytime I visit Miami.”

She stops nodding here. The information surprises her.

“Your ex-girlfriend?” she asks, confusion evident.

Beca laughs like that’s not the appropriate descriptor.

"We're still friends. We're uh, sometimes better than friends, depending on if we're both single when I visit,” she says, letting a small smile rest on her lips and a faraway look settle in her eyes.

The implication is clear. And Chloe doesn’t know what to do with it. For whatever reason, the knowledge that Sofía is something of hook up buddy for Beca makes her jaw clench of its own volition.

“Oh,” she eventually forces out, figuring the declaration needs some sort of acknowledgement.

"Sorry," Beca says quickly. "That was probably TMI, right?”

Chloe doesn’t say anything, because that doesn’t quite feel correct either.

“Anyway... I hope you and Ginny have a good few days together. Let me know how she's doing, okay?"

“Yeah,” Chloe jumps in, happy for a change of topic. “I will. Definitely.”

"You be good for Chloe, okay? I still wanna be friends with her when I come back,” Beca says, bending down to tell Ginny goodbye. “I’ll see you in a few days.”

She straightens up then and pulls Chloe into a hug, thanking her for keeping her pup while she’s gone. And Chloe’s about to reassure her, again, that it’s really no problem but the thought completely abandons her when she feels Beca’s lips at her cheek. And _why_ , exactly, does something so simple jumpstart her heart? Beca smiles at her when she pulls back, as if her lips hadn’t left a brand on Chloe’s cheek.

“Night, Chlo,” she says easily. And she shuts Chloe’s front door behind her while Chloe’s still looking for a way to say her own goodbye.

The snapping of the door jolts her out of her daze, and she turns around to Ginny, who’s happily wagging her tail in Chloe’s direction.

There’s a whole host of things from the last two minutes alone that could use some attention, some introspection, but she doesn’t dwell on them. Not yet. There will be time for overanalyzing later. For now, she claps her hands together.

“So, what do you wanna do?!” she asks Ginny enthusiastically. She throws herself onto her couch and pats the space next to her. Virginia jumps up instantly and burrows into her side. Chloe runs her fingers through the silky fur at Ginny’s neck.

Focusing on this is much easier.

 

/

 

She has a good first night with Ginny. They watch a movie together and when it’s time for bed, Ginny follows Chloe to the bedroom like she’s done it a hundred other times before. She pats the space at the foot of her bed and Ginny curls up in it happily, showing no signs of distress over sleeping in a new place without Beca. She’s glad Beca won’t have to worry about Ginny being anxious while she’s away.

It’s after Chloe turns the lights out that things get harder. Not with Virginia, but with herself. She finally let herself go back to Beca’s parting words at her front door. She finally let herself think about her response to them.

One thing is obvious right away. There’s a good chance Beca is going to hook up with Sofía while she’s in Miami. And Chloe doesn’t like it. What isn’t obvious is why. She’s never really been the type to have casual encounters herself, but she also doesn’t care or judge other people who do. So that can’t be what she’s taking issue with here.

And _why_ had Beca’s peck to her cheek shocked her the way it did? Why did it make her heart pick up speed and why had she wanted to lean into it for just a second longer?

It frustrates her that she doesn’t have an answer to any of the questions floating around in her mind. She rolls over aggressively, and she hears the clink of Ginny’s collar, letting her know the move had disturbed her.

“Sorry, girl. I won’t do that again.”

Ginny doesn’t move again. And Chloe falls asleep frustrated.

Beca texts the next morning before her flight to check up on them. Chloe is only too happy to snap a picture of a lazy Ginny taking up all the space along the bottom of her bed and send it back.

She has the day off work, so Chloe follows Ginny’s example and they have a relaxed morning in. She makes breakfast for herself and even lets Ginny have a bite or two (“Don’t tell your mom about this, got it?”). She keeps an eye on the time though, guessing at each check where Beca might be or if she’s landed yet.

It’s well into the afternoon when she decides to get them out of the apartment to enjoy some fresh air. She still hasn’t heard from Beca, but she isn’t too worried. She imagines Beca will be pretty busy while she’s away.

“Wanna go for a walk?” she asks. Ginny’s reaction is instant. Her tail starts wagging so fast it makes her whole back end sway. Chloe laughs and grabs the leash Beca had left her with. She attaches it to a dancing dog and then decides to check in with Beca again, figuring she’d appreciate the update.

“Let’s take a picture first,” she says. She kneels on the floor and puts an arm around Ginny to pull her into the frame. Ginny looks right at her phone like she knows exactly how this goes, but as soon as Chloe snaps the photo she turns and licks Chloe right in the face. It makes her laugh but she doesn’t try to take another. This one will do just fine. She sends it off to Beca quickly and they leave after that.

They take a long walk in the park. Chloe doesn’t have any reason to get home right away and she thinks Ginny would stay out here as long as she let them. Beca doesn’t respond to the text and Chloe tries not to think it’s for any bad reason. She tells herself that if Beca doesn’t respond by the time she finishes dinner she’ll give in and call. Just to make sure she’s okay.

Which is exactly what ends up happening. She gets Beca’s voicemail though. She’s about to just enter full blown stalker mode and check her flight number when her phone starts ringing. She lets out a breath of relief upon seeing Beca’s name on the screen.

“Hey, Becs!” she says happily.

"Hey Chlo, how's my girl doing?" Beca says. Her voice is light and easy, and unexpectedly affectionate. She’s never heard Beca call her that before.  
  
"Uh, what?" she asks. She’s so eloquent sometimes.  
  
"Ginny?" Beca says. "I assumed you were calling to let me know how she's doing? I saw you guys were going to the park earlier."  
  
"Oh! Oh, right. Of course!" Chloe replies quickly, feeling incredibly silly over not realizing Beca meant her dog. She hopes her confusion wasn’t obvious. “She's fine! We had a good time at the park and she had a treat for being so well-behaved. I was thinking of taking her with me to work Thursday and Friday. She could hang out with the other dogs," she rambles, trying to get as far away as possible from her blunder.  
  
"I'm sure she'll love that. Thanks for taking such good care of her," Beca responds. It makes Chloe happy that she approves of her plan.  
  
"She's a really good dog, I don't mind at all."  
  
Beca doesn’t say anything in response, and Chloe starts rambling again just to make the silence stop.  
  
"I was just calling to... to make sure you landed okay and everything. I hadn't heard from you since before you left New York and then you didn't respond to the earlier text," she says. And hearing the words out loud makes her realize that maybe Beca had better things to do than to respond to her calls and texts. "I hope I'm not bothering you," she adds on, feeling like maybe she has been.  
  
"No, you definitely aren't!" Beca says, reassuring her. "I've been with Sofía at her house. I didn't even have my phone around to text back or anything."  
  
Well, that didn’t take long. Chloe sits with that information for probably too long before responding.  
  
"Oh you're... you're with Sofía already. That's great!" she finally manages. "How is she?"  
  
"Uh... she's fine," Beca replies, confusion evident in her voice. "We're eating Chinese food and watching reruns of The Great British Bakeoff."  
  
A small sigh escapes Chloe’s lips at the realization that this doesn’t sound like a typical hook up. She wonders if Beca’s interested in going down that road again with Sofía.  
  
"That sounds really nice,” she says honestly. Because it does.  
  
She really wants to know if they did hook up. Or if they might. But that’s not a question one can just _ask_. So she skirts around it instead.  
  
"Is she single?"  
  
"Uh, yeah, she is,” Beca says after only a moment’s hesitation. And when Chloe doesn’t respond right away again she keeps going.  
  
"Anyway, I better get back or she'll eat the last dumpling and she knows I was saving it. So I'll... text you later? Give Ginny a kiss for me."  
  
"Right, yeah I will." She clears her throat before continuing, "Have a good night, Beca."

She hangs up after Beca bids her goodnight too, hating that she doesn’t know why she keeps responding this way whenever Sofía gets mentioned.

“What the hell is my problem, Ginny?” she asks. But Ginny just looks at her and Chloe swears if dogs could shrug their shoulders then this dog would have.

She sits down on her couch and tries to think it through but there’s no obvious answer. So she does what she does when she needs help. She calls Aubrey.

“Hey, Chlo,” she says when she picks up. “What’re you doing?”

She pats the space next to her and Ginny hops up lightly.

“Just sitting here with Virginia,” she says, scratching behind soft ears.

“Oh yeah, I meant to text to see how that was going. How is she doing with Beca being gone?”

“She’s good. We’ve been having a really good time,” she says. But it’s too breathy and Aubrey picks up on it immediately.

“You don’t sound like you’re having a really good time?” she says, unsure.

“No, we are. It’s just… it’s Beca,” she says, deciding to just come out with it. “No, it’s me. I don’t know. It’s something.”

“What’s going on?” Aubrey asks.

“That’s the thing, I don’t even know,” Chloe says, her frustration leaking through. “You know she’s in Miami, right?”

“Yeah?” Aubrey says, still waiting for the problem to present itself.

“Beca hooks up with her ex when she goes down there. And that bothers me. But it bothers me even more that I don’t know _why_ it bothers me to begin with.”

“Oh, Chloe,” Aubrey says. And coming from anyone else it might sound patronizing, but Aubrey makes it sound genuinely sympathetic. “I think it’s pretty obvious why it bothers you.”

She didn’t expect that sentence at all.

“Well fill me in, would you?”

“You’re jealous, Chlo.”

Her jaw drops and that doesn’t seem at all right.

“What?” she asks, a small laugh breaking up the word.

“You’re selfish with her,” Aubrey says flatly. “And I don’t mean that in a necessarily bad way. I just mean you like having her time. And I think when someone else comes along that could take some of it away you don’t like it.”

She opens her mouth instantly to refute the words, but no sound comes out of her throat because she realizes that they’re totally true. She closes her mouth, hating it. She knows she’s been selfish with her in the past. But she doesn’t want to be selfish with her now. She doesn’t want to feel like her time shouldn’t be spent on other people. It makes her feel more self-interested than she’s comfortable with.

“I don’t… I mean, I’m not—” she stops so she can collect herself. “Maybe… that’s not completely wrong,” she says grudgingly. “But it’s not like I think she should just be alone. Or that I have to be the only one she spends time with,” she says quickly.

“I know that,” Aubrey says easily. “You’re not a monster, Chlo. You don’t do anything to _change_ how Beca spends her time or who she spends it with. I think that’s the important part.”

And the words make her feel a little better, certainly, but she still isn’t exactly comfortable with the truth in them.

“Oh my god,” she says, suddenly remembering. “This is why I didn’t like Jesse.”

Aubrey just laughs at this, and the sound takes a little weight off Chloe’s chest. She thinks she’ll have to come back to these thoughts at some point, so she can do better in the future. But for now she changes the subject, happy to think about less confusing things with her friend.

 

/

 

She doesn’t dwell on her jealous thoughts for the rest of the week. She thinks, more than anything, the whole idea of Sofía is threatening because she’s so far away. And if Beca chooses to pursue her again, Chloe doesn’t know what that will mean for Beca’s life in New York. And it is selfish, she doesn’t deny it now, to hope that’s not what will happen. So instead of hoping for something that’s completely out of her control, and the resultant guilt that comes with that hope, she focuses on anything and everything else.

She takes Ginny to work with her so that she’ll have some play time during her long shifts. She doesn’t let herself be distracted by thoughts of what Beca might be doing while she’s helping the animals that need her. They deserve her full attention. When she goes home with Ginny every night, she’s sure to play with her and give her the same amount of love she’s sure Beca does when she’s home.

On the night of the show, it doesn’t even occur to her to check social media for clips of Beca’s performance. She’d wished Beca well at the beginning of the evening and hasn’t really checked her phone since. She and Ginny are having a nice evening in, and she’s thinking about putting on another movie before bed when her phone starts chiming with incoming texts from the group chat.

 **Ames** : The Beca Mitchell tag is on fire in Insta right now! I think you killed your fans again, sprout.  
  
**Stace** : Everyone stand by. I'll be the judge of that.

Chloe laughs, deciding to check the tag after she reads the rest of the texts.  
  
**Bree** : Great performance, Beca. I loved the remix. Of course I'll always love the originals too though.

Classic Aubrey. Original will always equal good to her.  
  
**Cee** : DAMN, B! Just checked the tag. Warn a girl next time, would ya?  
  
**Stace** : Fire status confirmed. So Beca... have I mentioned I'm single?

Her head tilts to the side, intrigued. She opens Instagram and types in Beca’s name in the search bar. All the top results are clearly from tonight. She watches two videos first, instantly loving the remixed version of one of her songs. Her voice sounds perfect and there’s a lot of contagious energy pouring off of that stage. It makes her smile to watch them. They were of the same song but taken from different vantage points. The third video she clicks on, though, is the one that does her in.

It’s a different song. It’s slower and she swears she can feel the base line thudding through her phone and into her palm like a heartbeat. She grips the device more tightly, watching Beca sing. The lights dance on her skin more slowly too. They highlight her facial expressions and the way her body moves to her own lyrics. And all Chloe can do is just gulp because suddenly she gets it.

_Oh._

Pure, unadulterated _want_ crashes through her like a juggernaut, relentless in its desire to reach every cell in her body. She watches the clip through once more. Twice more. Her thoughts take a tailspin, evolving more quickly than she can keep up with. They’re as novel to her as a foreign language but she understands them nonetheless.

She backs out of the video, only to see a photo uploaded from someone close to the stage. It’s of Beca, frozen perfectly in time and singing into the microphone. Her body is turned to the camera but her face is in profile. Chloe is floored by how quickly her eyes rake over Beca’s features, almost hungrily roving over her skin and the light sheen of sweat that covers it.

She throws her phone face down on the couch cushion, afraid of where her thoughts might take her if she keeps looking. And though they don’t venture any further down what would absolutely been a completely creepy rabbit hole, she can’t help but let the revelations wash over her. In that moment, sitting on her couch with Ginny asleep at her feet, she _wants_ Beca Mitchell. She’s unequivocally attracted to her, and it feels like a kick in the gut because suddenly everything else makes perfect sense.

Why she’s jealous of Sofía. Why she thrills at Beca’s touch and proximity. Why Beca’s friendship has always just been _different_.

The words crash through her mind again while she sits in her own stunned silence. She wants Beca Mitchell.

She picks her phone back up again and looks at the picture once more. Just to confirm she didn’t have some sort of aneurism before and temporarily wasn’t herself. But no, the desire is still there, rushing full tilt through her veins.

Other texts from the group chat are still coming through, but she ignores them. And she doesn’t comment on Beca’s performance. She knows that’s extremely out of character but she doesn’t care. She’s got too much else to think about.

She goes to bed that night congratulating herself for being such a huge idiot. And she can’t help but want to cry as she lies there waiting for sleep. Because she’s about four years too late.

 

/

 

Beca texts her the next morning after she lands back in New York, but asks if she can get Ginny after a few hours’ worth of rest. Chloe assures her that that’s fine and that she’ll bring Ginny home later. So she and Ginny take another walk to enjoy their last bit of time together. Plus she thinks Beca will be grateful if Chloe returns a dog not full of energy bursting at the seams. She wonders how she’ll feel when she sees Beca again. What her response will be to seeing her in person.

She thinks about it all day, and when it’s time for her to leave with Ginny her stomach is full of knots over the prospect. She prolongs her arrival on a spur of the moment decision to pick up dinner first. But all too soon after that she’s standing in front of Beca’s door. Ginny is fidgeting excitedly on the spot, waiting for the door to open but Chloe takes one extra second to breathe before she knocks.

Beca answers quickly, sitting down on the ground as soon as Ginny shoots over the threshold.

“My girl!” she says, petting and hugging Ginny like their separation was much longer than the few days she was actually gone. Chloe smiles, her heart warmed by such obvious love for an pet.

When Beca stands up again, the storm waves in her eyes are dancing in sunlight. She smiles at Chloe before pulling her in. Her arms rest over Chloe’s shoulders and her greeting sits happily in Chloe’s ear.

“Hi,” she says, not letting go. And Chloe’s free hand comes up automatically to rest against Beca’s back. It surprises her when her fingertips find skin instead of fabric though and she has to force her fingers not to pull even tighter. What’s unsurprising, and a little disconcerting, is that she still very much wants Beca. The desire hasn’t cooled off even a degree since the night before. So when Beca eventually lets her go her voice is much rougher than she means it to be.

“Hi, yourself,” she says.

Beca picks up on the change right away, and she asks about it before Chloe can say anything else. It makes her clear her throat, and she’s immensely relieved when it sounds normal again after that. She lifts the paper bag in her hand to get the subject into a safer zone, and Beca zeroes in on the restaurant name with obvious excitement.

"You really are my hero," she says, taking it out of Chloe’s hand and placing it on the table. "Sometimes I forget how well you know me."

Chloe almost wants to laugh. She doesn’t even know herself, apparently. But she just helps Beca with Ginny’s things from the rucksack. She hadn’t planned on staying for dinner. She was just going to take hers back with her and let Beca have a lazy evening in. But even with her tumultuous feelings rocketing around in her chest, she doesn’t say no when Beca takes the to-go boxes out of the bag and hands Chloe’s over.

Beca leads them into the living room and they sink onto her couch. And it isn’t often that Chloe feels this awkward or doesn’t know what to say, but that’s definitely how she feels now. She wonders how on earth Beca dealt with feeling the way she did for all those years without ever saying a word. Chloe hasn’t even had a full twenty-four hours of it yet and she’s already biting her tongue.

She smiles when Beca decides to put a TV show on. It’s the perfect mindless distraction and will keep Chloe’s eyes off her friend.

"This is why you never have dinner at a busy restaurant with a low-talker," Beca says during their third episode. "You could wind up in a puffy shirt on TV."

Chloe laughs and finally lets herself look over. _God, she’s beautiful._

"What?" Beca asks, obviously picking up on the way Chloe’s looking at her.

"I'm just glad you're home," she says. She’s uncomfortable with the half-truth. But she hasn’t had long enough to come to terms with the real answer yet.  
  
"I was only gone five days," Beca says. It’s almost as if she knows there’s more to Chloe’s look sitting right under the surface. So Chloe takes one step further, giving a little more away that will spare her having to tell Beca the whole truth.  
  
"I guess I thought... if you were thinking of getting back together with Sofía... maybe you'd also be thinking of moving down there. Because you can make your music anywhere."  
  
And despite the fact that she isn’t ready to tell Beca everything yet, it feels good to air out that bit of niggling worry.  
  
"What gave you the idea we were getting back together? We're just friends, remember?" Beca says.

  
"You hooked up when you were down there right?” she responds, still not one hundred percent certain Beca did but feeling confident enough to make the assumption. “But it wasn't just a hook up. You guys were like, hanging out. Getting takeout and watching old reruns together. It seemed so... couple—y."  
  
Beca laughs, but Chloe doesn’t know why because what she said was completely serious.  
  
"Chlo, that's literally exactly what you and I are doing right now. And we're not a couple."  
  
Chloe looks down, and pulls at a loose thread on one of her sleeves. She hates that she’s finally figured out that’s exactly what she wants. And that the possibility is long gone.

 "It's different when there's sex involved," she says instead. Which is still true.  
  
"Maybe," Beca finally says, all but confirming it. "But we really are just friends. Even if we do still hook up sometimes. She and I both know that's all it'll ever be. Until we find other people we can truly be with anyway. Why does it bother you?"  
  
"It doesn't bother me," Chloe says quickly, but she looks down again as she says it. Because that isn’t a half-true. It’s an outright lie. "I was just worried that if you  _did_  get back together then maybe you  _would_  move down there. And," she pauses, finally looking back up again, "...and that would suck because I just got you back."

But there isn’t a lie anywhere in her last words, and she looks into Beca’s eyes as she says them so Beca knows it too.  
  
"I'm here, Chloe. And it's where I want to be."  
  
Chloe nods, decently reassured with the answer. But there’s still the problem of her feelings and what the hell she’s going to do with them.  
  
"Speaking of Miami, though," Beca goes on, pulling Chloe out of her spiral, "you never told me what you thought of the performance. Did you see any of it on social media?"  
  
Chloe furrows her eyebrows, looking for words that are appropriate. Words that won’t leave her friend feeling objectified and uncomfortable.  
  
"You were really good, Becs,” she eventually says, knowing full well that response won’t do.  
  
"'Really good'?" Beca repeats with a laugh. "Your vocabulary is really letting me down here, Chlo."  
  
She looks up then at Beca’s face. She swallows and then, to herself, she says fuck it.  
  
"I didn't know if I was allowed to say it was sexy."  
  
Beca just stares at her a minute, and Chloe’s heart gallops in her chest because of her honesty.  
  
"Did you think it was sexy?" Beca asks after a few beats.  
  
"Yeah, I did," Chloe replies simply. She doesn’t know what Beca will make of the confession, and she doesn’t wait to read her facial expression in response to it. She just turns back to the TV, listening to Jerry Seinfeld’s opening monologue with one ear and her heartbeat with the other.

 

/

 

A week has passed since she last saw Beca Mitchell. And in that week, absolutely nothing has changed.

Well, she supposes that isn’t exactly true. Two things have. She’s become proficient in the art of fantasizing about Beca Mitchell. And it makes her feel guilty every single time. Which, she thinks, better facilitates the second change.

She’s ready to tell Beca the truth. She still doesn’t know how Beca managed to keep her secret for as long as she did, but Chloe has no intentions of even attempting it. She realizes there’s risk in the confession, but she thinks the takeaway lesson from four years ago is that the secret will destroy their friendship, not allow it to stay intact. And even though she finally realizes she wants _more_ from Beca, she still wants her friendship, too. So she’s going to do what she can to preserve it. And if that means telling Beca about her feelings then that’s what it means.

She takes one last look at herself in her car’s visor mirror, mentally preparing herself for the admission and telling herself it will be okay when she does. Then, she gets out of her car and makes her way to Beca’s apartment building. Beca had invited her to help her choose a dress for the Grammys the day before. Chloe had accepted quickly, not only because it sounded fun as hell, but also because she really just wanted to see her again. She lets herself in with the code like usual, counting her steps and willing her heart to function at a proper pace.

She knocks quietly on the door, and Beca opens it quickly. Chloe greets Ginny first. It’s the much easier option.

“Hey, girl. Did you miss me?” she asks. It makes her smile that Ginny tries over and over to lick her face. She takes it as a yes. When she stands up, she doesn’t hug Beca. She doesn’t trust herself not to just blurt it all out in the comfort of Beca’s embrace.

"Come on, we're having mimosas," Beca says, completely oblivious to all the internal choices Chloe’s making. She pulls her into the kitchen and hands her a champagne glass.

"You really pulled out all the stops, huh?" Chloe asks, holding the stem of glass while Beca pours their mimosas.

"If we're gonna do this, might as well do it right."

She winks, and then taps the side of her glass to Chloe's.

"So what did you do at the studio yesterday? Anything I can hear?" Chloe asks. She doesn’t know how to get this conversation started. But she thinks _‘Oh, and by the way, I can’t stop thinking about kissing you’_ is a good opener. But music is usually an easily navigated subject between them.

"As a matter of fact, yes. Come on," Beca says. She leads them down the hallway and into what can’t be anything other than her home studio.

"I see you've graduated from mixing on your laptop," Chloe says, looking around. She takes a tour of the room. There is an entire wall of music ranging every genre imaginable. She wonders how Beca has it organized. There is production equipment and speaker systems and all sorts of little machines Chloe doesn’t have names for. Beca’s albums are framed in edgeless glass on another wall. It all seems so grown up and so, so cool.

"Don't worry. I'm still that broody, alt girl at heart. Even without the constant attachment to my laptop and headphones," Beca responds, reminding Chloe she’s there.

Chloe laughs, and then takes a seat in the chair in front of what looks like the main computer.

"So let's hear it," she says, clapping her hands together.

Beca stands right behind her, and leans around Chloe's shoulder to take the mouse on the desk. She clicks a few things and tweaks a few settings before she speaks again.

"So my performance in Miami was more popular than I think anyone ever anticipated,” she says.

_She can say that again._

“The views on YouTube are in the millions. So we're releasing a recorded version for online only purchase," she finishes. She unplugs the headphones from their jack and spins the volume knob on the surround sound speakers in the room.

And Chloe suddenly realizes what a huge mistake it was to ask to listen to Beca’s music. She had a _very_ visceral response the last time she heard this song. She doesn’t necessarily enjoy the idea of being subjected to it again right in front of Beca. She looks up at Beca to say something, anything that will get her out of her current predicament but Beca just takes a step back and tells her to hit play when she’s ready.

She clinches her jaw when she realizes it’s either listen or talk. For now, she chooses to listen. One more go around won’t break the dam of her self-control. She hits play, and can tell the song is going to do a number on her before Beca even begins singing. It’s everything the Miami performance was. Slow, sensual. It turns her blood into something viscous, despite her heart’s desperate efforts to pump it faster. It fills her mind with images she feels guilty entertaining.

It makes her realize she was wrong. It _will_ drain all of her self-control. If her feelings were held in her clinched fist, then the song relaxes her grip with every thud and lyric. It pulls back her fingers one at a time, until there’s nothing left but an open palm and a confession sitting right in the middle. And when the song ends, there’s nothing left to say but what’s right there begging for attention.

"Beca, I think-"

But her sentence is cut off as soon as it starts, because a loud knock at the door diverts all of their attention.

"To be continued," Beca says with a smile. Chloe exhales noisily, almost disappointed she has to keep quiet now that the words are right there on her tongue. Beca lets Ginny into a different room and closes the door behind her before letting in the guests at her front door.

She introduces all of them to Chloe. And despite the fact that she’d really like to get some things off her chest, she’s still excited for what she originally came here for.

"Okay, let's choose a dress first, before makeup," the personal shopper says. She’s got several garment bags in her arms and she follows Beca easily to her bedroom, making Chloe realize they’ve done this before. Amber walks into the closet to hang all the dresses before coming back out with just one.

"Okay first up,” she says. “Black is never not in vogue, so always a safe choice." She holds out a floor-length black number that Chloe can already tell will be beautiful once it’s on.

Beca takes it from Amber's arms and goes into the closet with it, shutting the door behind her. When she walks back out, Chloe can’t help but stare. She takes in every inch of that dress and presses her lips together so nothing comes out that she doesn’t want in the open yet.

"Well of course it's gorgeous. I love the high slit,” Amber says practically, drawing Chloe’s eyes to the same area. It makes her mouth feel dry. Amber moves forward and brushes Beca's hair off her shoulders, speaking with quiet words about how to style it to accentuate the neckline.

"Chloe?" Beca asks, reminding Chloe she’d promised to give feedback. Only that seems impossible right now so she skirts around an actual answer.

"Yeah," she responds. "Everything she said."

Beca tries on a few more after that, but none are as amazing as the first. It allows Chloe to clear her head a little bit and actually respond the way she’s supposed to. But it all falls apart again on the last dress.

Beca steps out wearing a dress that’s a light rusty color. Like a sunset made fabric. It contrasts perfectly with her pale skin. The one-shoulder neckline draws the eyes to her collarbones and the high slit brings them right back down to her legs. And Chloe literally has no control over her own legs in that moment because without even consciously making the decision she finds herself on her feet.

Beca is absolutely stunning. She smiles at Chloe in a way that almost makes Chloe think she knows what just went through her head.

"Yeah, I agree," Amber says somewhere off in Chloe’s periphery.

They talk about shoes for a few minutes and then make their way out to the living room for the rest of the style team to get to work. Beca walks out to the living room to give her style team the chance to look her over. They both offer their own words of approval and Chloe still hasn’t said anything. She just takes a seat in an empty chair after Beca takes hers.

The makeup artist gets to work quickly on Beca then, which leaves the hair stylist to Chloe.

"I almost don't even want to style it," he says quietly when he steps up behind her. "Does your hair always look like this?"

She smiles. Praise like that will never get old.

They talk about various things then, and she’s happy for the distraction. Hair is way easier to concentrate on. The stylist just kind of plays with her hair, running his fingers through and it perhaps giving her curls a little more life, but otherwise not changing it. It’s a pretty nice compliment when she really thinks about it. And when the makeup artist announces she’s done, Chloe gets up so they can switch places.

And Beca’s always beautiful. She’s known that since even before this little revelation of her feelings and attraction. But the look she’s going with now is incredible. Bold eyeliner and mascara. It reminds her of a more grown up college Beca. The rest of her makeup is lightly added so as not to take the focus away from the blue in her eyes.

"You look... I mean, I've never-" she stutters. She presses her lips into a thin line again, willing herself not to just blurt out that she’s never wanted Beca so badly. "You're going to wow everyone there."

"Thank you," she says quietly.

They sit down again in their new seats and Chloe has her own makeup done. She talks just as easily with the makeup artist as she had with the hair stylist, and when she says she’s finished, Chloe feels pretty confident she’ll love the result. She looks over at Beca, who is still being worked on. She gets up and walks in front of her to get a better angle on the hairstyle they’ve gone with.

"Wow, Chlo. You really look amazing," she says with a smile, not needing nearly as much censorship as Chloe apparently does. "Go look in the mirror."

Chloe excuses herself to the guest bathroom. She flicks on the light and looks at her reflection. She does look good; she isn’t too modest to admit that to herself. The team had done a good job.

"So?" a voice asks, getting Chloe's attention. She looks over and smiles when she sees Beca standing there. She looks incredible. She backs up a few paces to give Beca enough room to see her own reflection. It’s as she stands there, watching Beca look herself over that the words just spill out without her permission.

"You... Jesus, you look good," Chloe says. And she wants to cringe because that’s not exactly how a friend should deliver that compliment, but Beca doesn’t seem bothered by it.

"Thank you," she says again. She holds Chloe’s gaze, and it’s all just too much. Beca’s too beautiful and the room is too small and there’s just too much _space_ between them. She’s reminded, only for a split second, of that moment four years ago when Beca must have been feeling what Chloe is right now. Sitting on the cusp of a confession and not wanting to do anything but _reach_. So she steps closer and wraps a stray curl around her finger. It isn’t enough, but it’s all she lets herself have.

"Are they done?" Chloe asks. The words in her throat want out. Now.

“Yes,” Beca says quietly. She leads them back into the living room and thanks her team for putting her together. They leave with a smattering of goodbyes after Beca changes out of the dress and back into the ripped jeans and t-shirt combo she was wearing before their arrival.

After she closes her front door, she turns back towards the living room with a look like she’s about to say something. But Chloe can’t stand it any longer, and as soon as Beca sits on the couch with her she opens her mouth first.

"Beca, do you mind if I stay a bit longer? There's something I really need to say to you."

Beca nods, and Chloe gulps.

And for all the moments she’s had to bite her tongue today she finds she suddenly doesn’t know what to say now. There’s just too much, and all the words are fighting for room in her throat, begging her to choose them first. Beca’s fingers comb through her hair, pulling out bobby pins while they sit in silence. She’s always been the kind of person who couldn’t stand idle hands.

She can tell Beca’s starting to worry the longer she takes to begin. She’s worried herself about Beca’s reaction. Chloe was never supposed to fall in love with her; Beca doesn’t want her to. But nonetheless she has and it makes her feel foolish. It makes her feel like she doesn’t know herself at all to never have figured out her feelings before now. And it’s that frustration that climbs out of her mouth first to see the light of day.  
  
"God, Beca... I must be the biggest idiot in the world,” she says, speaking both to Beca and herself.  
  
"I'm... sure that's not true," Beca says quietly after a moment. "Chloe, what's... what's this about?"  
  
Chloe looks up then, willing the tears to stay inside and hating that their friendship, with its brand new legs still learning how to walk again, could crash and burn because of what she’s about to say. She wonders where to start but it doesn’t take long. She knows if she’s going to explain she’ll have to do it thoroughly. So she starts at the beginning.  
  
"Do you remember that day in the park? With Ginny?"  
  
Beca nods but doesn’t say anything else.  
  
"You told me that day that I made you different,” she says, remembering the words verbatim but only now realizing their importance to her. “And I just accepted that at face value because I already knew that was true. Everyone knew it was true. You never kept me at the same distance as everyone else. And I loved being the exception to your rule. I loved that I was the one who made you different."  
  
She looks at Beca again, wondering if Beca can already tell where this is going. But the storm waves are frozen solid, giving nothing away.  
  
"Okay..." she says with a bit of hesitation.  
  
"But what I never took the time to realize until meeting you again, is that  _you_  make  _me_  different."  
  
Does she know now? Chloe made Beca different because of love. The reverse is no different.  
  
"I'm different for you. And to you. And  _because_  of you. It took losing you and then finding you again to see that," she continues.  
  
Beca looks at her for a moment but realization hasn’t struck home yet.  
  
"I don't think that makes you an idiot, Chlo," she says quietly.  
  
And she almost wants to smile, because she is without question exactly that.  
  
"Please reserve judgment until the end," she says.  
  
Beca nods again, seemingly accepting that this isn’t nearly through.  
  
"I never gave any thought to the fact that I was different with you than I was with anyone else. That's just how we were. There are so many things I never paid attention to. So many feelings I never cared to inspect."  
  
And those feelings wash over her again now. How they’ve always just been sitting right there under her nose, waiting for her to look down.  
  
"In college I didn't have a good reason for hating the nights you spent at Jesse's. I didn't have a good reason for being pleased each time you chose to spend time with me instead of him. I guess I just told myself I was selfish with you. And that was a good enough excuse for what I was feeling."  
  
Beca still remains silent, but there’s something thawing in the waves. Chloe barrels on before whatever it is can fully take shape.  
  
"I was happier when we moved here together. Spending every night with you and being closer to you than even we were at Barden. After Amy moved in, it never occurred to me that maybe it was weird how much I didn't mind sharing that foldout. That perhaps I should ask myself why I enjoyed waking up with you so much. Why I never felt the need to back away when I woke up tangled with you."  
  
She stops, willing her heart back down into her chest from where it sits in her throat.  
  
"When you met Sofía I... well I was probably more interested in the fact that you liked women than what could be considered normal. But of course I didn't think twice about  _why_."  
  
She shakes her head at herself, feeling silly all over again that she never saw her jealousy for what it was. But she’ll come back around to that in a moment. Beca’s looking at her like she’s hanging on to every last syllable.  
  
"The day you told me you loved me I just... didn't get it. You were my best friend. You weren't supposed to fall in love with me.”  
  
How cruel irony can be.

“And I, being the least emotionally intelligent person in the world apparently, told myself if I gave you a little time and space, you'd get over it and we could go back. So when you asked me to leave, I did. I just... had never thought of you that way. I was a mess when I lost you. It hurt in a way I wasn't prepared to understand. So I think, instead of processing it, I just tried everything I could to get you back. I thought if we could just be friends again, then the pain I felt without you would go away."  
  
She’s pretty sure there are tears sitting in Beca’s eyes now, threatening to spill. But Beca must will them to stay because after a moment they recede. She ignores her own tears so that she can continue.  
  
"The day I saw Ginny in my clinic I thought I was going to throw up. It was like an Aubrey Posen nightmare or something. For all the years I spent hoping you'd reach back out to me I wasn't at all prepared to see you so unexpectedly. You waited in that exam room a little longer than you actually needed to that day, because I had to wrestle with myself until I calmed down."  
  
Something new flashes in Beca’s eyes then, but again, Chloe plows on, afraid of losing steam.  
  
"I didn't really think you'd take me up on any offer I put on the table. So when you said we could go for a walk I said yes without hesitating. I actually had to find someone to cover my shift after that because I was supposed to work the day we went."  
  
"You didn't have to do that you know,” she says, finally breaking her silence. “You could have just said you were working.”  
  
Chloe smiles at her, feeling like saying yes that day was her only chance.  
  
"I didn't think I'd get lucky enough to get a yes from you twice," she says honestly.  
  
"Where are you going with all this, Chloe?" she asks, impatience leaking into her tone.  
  
"I'm almost there," she says. She gathers her thoughts again to get back on track.   
  
"When you said we could try to be friends again I... I felt like, God, like maybe I could be the kind of happy I used to be again," she says, pausing to cringe over the words. "Jesus, that sounds pathetic. As if I couldn't be happy without you. Which, I could. I  _was_ ,” she says slowly to emphasize the truth.

“I guess it just wasn't the same kind of happiness. Like the full potential of it was just barely out of reach. Does that make any sense at all or am I making myself sound crazy?" she asks, thinking of that night Beca told her about the difference between happiness and fulfillment.  
  
"I... know exactly what you mean," Beca responds.  
  
"And I think... after not seeing you for four years, I couldn't  _stop_  looking at you once you were in my life again. And I think that's what made me realize I never really  _saw_  you before,” she says, feeling her heart starting to race again. She’s close.  
  
"When you went down to Miami and were with Sofía again, I finally understood everything I ever felt about Jesse. It was like a slap in the face and I can't believe it took me that many years to figure it out. But... I was still unsure about other things."

Namely the fact that she still hadn’t realized her attraction.  
  
"What other things?" Beca asks.  
  
And now she stands up and begins to pace, literally seeking momentum for the real reason they’re having this conversation.  
  
"It was weird for me being-" she cuts herself off and looks at Beca. But Beca doesn’t look upset, despite the fact that she must have some clue where this is going now. And that gives her courage. "-Being jealous of her."  
  
Still no response. She pushes forward.  
  
"I was jealous of her, and I was jealous of Jesse. And that made no sense to me because I never thought I wanted from you what you gave to them."  
  
Until her performance, when desire crashed into her like a freight train.  
  
"But then I saw you sing that song and I think that's when I realized it. When I knew that I was absolutely and irrefutably a huge idiot."  
  
"What are you trying to say, Chloe?" Beca asks. She’s leaning forward on her elbows and the less observant versions of Chloes past might not have noticed it but this one does. Her breaths leave her quick and shallow.  
  
Her voice is barely there when it comes out. When she gives the answer she knows Beca’s already put together.  
  
"I'm trying to say that... that I  _wanted_  you. That I watched that performance and felt things I can't even say out loud to you,” she says, her feelings spilling out like a torrent. "I wondered how I would feel when I saw you again after that. Though I wasn't all that surprised to find the feeling was still there.  _Is_  still there."  
  
Beca takes a deep breath, looking like she can’t believe what Chloe just told her. And Chloe takes one to match in an effort to ground herself.  
  
"I know that's not what you want to hear," Chloe says when Beca still doesn't reply. "You said you never wanted to feel that way about me again. And I get that. You've hurt so much because of me. But I'm telling you this because I don't think I'll be nearly as good as you were at keeping it secret,” she says honestly. "I might not be very good at interpreting my feelings but I've never really been the kind to fight them once I knew they were there."  
  
Beca holds her gaze, but her lack of a response is making Chloe assume the worst again. And even though she feels like maybe she shouldn’t crowd her friend, she also can’t physically stop herself from dropping to the floor right in front of Beca.  
  
"I know I'm too late. I'm not asking for anything.” And she means it. She doesn’t expect any of what she’s saying to make Beca think about feelings gone by. “And I'll never ask you to leave so I hope this doesn't make you pull away from me. I just wanted you to know that... that I'm falling for you, Beca.”

She pauses, because for the first time since she’s started this deluge, she thinks there’s some truth missing from her statement.

“No wait... that's not right,” she says, rectifying it. "I'm falling for you  _again_. I'm sorry I didn't realize that sooner."  
  
Her eyes flood with tears again, and every nerve inside her is screaming at her for telling the truth. But she’s also relieved, liberated. And it’s all just begging Beca for a response, because she needs to know which to feel more.  
  
"Please say something. Anything,” she says. She places a hand at Beca’s knee, hoping the touch will jerk some sort of response out of her mute friend. It takes a moment, and if Chloe hadn’t been looking at Beca she might not have heard it at all when her lips finally, finally move. But the words that come out aren’t at all what Chloe thought they’d be.   
  
"Kiss me," she says.  
  
And surely, that can’t be right. If Beca wanted Chloe at all then wouldn’t she have stopped her somewhere in the middle of this embarrassing admission?  
  
"What?" Chloe asks, feeling hope digging its way up towards the surface. And though she’s usually the type to let it run away with her, she tries now to stamp it down. She needs to hear the words again before she gives her hope free reign.  
  
"Kiss me," Beca says again. It’s stronger and louder and leaves no room for interpretation this time. And Chloe still isn’t sure what Beca’s feeling but the command points her in the right direction and she doesn’t need to be told three times. She lets herself look at Beca’s lips as she moves closer. The desire to kiss Beca isn’t a particularly old one, but in the week since Beca’s performance in Miami it’s taken up a lot of Chloe’s free time.  
  
Beca holds completely still while Chloe slips into the space between her knees. It already feels intimate enough to make her heart race all over again. She goes slowly, making sure Beca has plenty of time to change her mind if she wants to. Plenty of time to tell Chloe she doesn’t want this. But the request to stop never comes.

And Chloe thinks, just briefly, that the storm waves have finally come to life. And then she completely closes the gap. Her eyes shut the moment she finds Beca’s lips. And her breath leaves her in a rush when she feels Beca finally respond. It makes her instantly want more, and her hands blindly find Beca’s jaw to pull her closer. She spares a second to note how smooth the skin is under her palms, but the bulk of her thinking capacity is spent on Beca’s mouth.

She kisses her again and again, and the need to be closer consumes her. She reaches higher, letting her fingers thread into soft hair. She pulls, guiding Beca right to the edge of her own couch.  
  
" _Oh_ ," she whispers against Beca’s lips. " _Oh wow_."  
  
Beca doesn’t say anything, but Chloe’s suddenly much less worried about her lack of response. With Beca closer to the edge of the couch, Chloe drops her hands to slender hips, wanting more of her under her palms. Her thumbs skim under Beca’s shirt, and they sweep back and forth over the sharp bones they find there. And she would normally play this a little more smoothly. A little less desperate. But the need to _experience_ Beca eclipses every other thought. And when Beca opens her mouth Chloe can’t help but take advantage. Can’t help but experience their kiss to its fullest potential. Her tongue sweeps into Beca’s mouth almost without Chloe’s express permission, but again she doesn’t care. And Beca doesn’t seem to either because she takes control and reciprocates just seconds later.  
  
"Beca," Chloe she says, a shiver of pleasure shooting down her spine at the rasp in her own voice. Beca maintains her silence still, and just continues to pull Chloe apart from the inside out. And she must be able to read Chloe’s mind. She must be able to tell that Chloe needs a moment to just breathe. To collect the pieces of herself from the rubble Beca’s lips have left behind. Because she pulls back right when the need for oxygen peaks.  
  
"Please tell me we can do that again," she says the moment her lungs refill. Butterflies burst into life in her belly the moment Beca shoots her a knowing smile.  
  
"As soon as I'm sure I won't pass out from lack of oxygen," Beca says, making Chloe laugh.  
  
"Tell me what you're thinking while I wait?"

She has to know. She has to know whether that was a one-time thing, waiting years and years to be checked off some list of regrets, or if by some miracle, Chloe isn’t too late after all. Beca’s eyes flit back and forth between Chloe’s. Her lips are swollen and her breathing is still shallow in the most attractive way. But Chloe’s patient. If she’s lucky, she’ll get to act on her impulses again.

"I'm thinking I can't believe that just happened, and I'm thinking I want to do it again,” she says, lighting up Chloe’s heart. “I'm thinking I don't know what I ever did to be enough for you. I'm thinking you taste fucking  _delicious_.” At this she has to remind herself to be still. To hear the rest of Beca’s words. And her patience is rewarded with their ending.

“And I'm thinking that if you're an idiot then I must be too, because I've been kidding myself ever since I saw you in that little exam room. I could never,  _ever_  stand a chance at not falling in love with you."  
  
Chloe smiles through tears as Beca Mitchell leans in to kiss her again.

And all her hope?

She finally lets it run wild.

 

/

 

_One Year Later_

It’s her day off work and she’s in the middle of folding laundry. She likes to have her full wardrobe to choose from when she’s about to travel somewhere and she doesn’t like coming home to clothes already in the basket waiting for her. She’s leaving for New York in two days’ time, but seeing as she has to work tomorrow she’s designated today for chores and the bulk of her packing.

Ginny’s watching her with a little plush toy sitting between her two front paws. She makes a mental note to pack that particular toy when she packs Ginny’s things for her stay with Melissa while Chloe’s gone.

She’s about to pick up and fold her favorite pair of jeans when she hears the doorbell ring. She walks to the living room, checking the app on her phone that shows her the camera view of their porch on her way. She doesn’t recognize the man standing there but he’s holding something in his hands and his shirt and hat lead her to believe he’s some kind of courier.

“Hello?” she asks uncertainly when she opens the door, happy to hear Ginny’s paws on the hardwood behind her.

“Chloe Beale?” he asks, looking at some kind of handheld device.

“Yes?”

“This is for you,” he says simply, holding out a small box in one hand. She takes it from him and he bids her a good day before turning and leaving. She shuts the door behind her and relocks it before sitting on the couch. Ginny jumps up with her, placing her head on Chloe’s knee like she always does.

She struggles with the packing tape for a moment, but eventually gets the thing open. A folded piece of paper sits right on top and she picks it up to see a new dog collar underneath. She doesn’t remember ordering a new collar for Ginny, but she shrugs because Beca certainly could have. She picks it up to inspect it. It’s definitely Beca’s taste. Black with little white paw prints randomly patterning the length of it. But when she buckles its two ends she realizes it’s much too small to actually fit Ginny. Frowning, she goes back to the piece of paper she’d originally ignored.

She expects it to be a shipping summary but it isn’t. As soon as she gets it unfolded, she recognizes the handwriting. Cramped and slightly less neat than Chloe’s own. But writing that nonetheless makes her smile, and she greedily reads the following words.

_Dear Chloe,_

_I thought, just once, maybe I could make you feel the way I do with each of the letters you’ve written me. Though I admit, your way with words far exceeds my own. I can write a song, and that’s all well and good. But you? You write feelings. And that’s a wholly other kind of magic. One I can only attempt to replicate._

_Barring any kind of mishap from the delivery service, you should receive this little gift of mine three days before I finally come home. I can’t wait to see you again. It feels like light years sit between the last time I held you and now as I write this letter. Three more days. I can make it._

_Until then, I’m leaving you with this small gift, which represents a much larger suggestion. I know we’ve talked about getting Ginny a sibling, but with the move and then the tour the timing just hasn’t been right. But I think it might be when I come home. So I thought maybe we could go down to the shelter together. Maybe find the perfect fit for that adorably small collar that accompanies this letter?_

_Of course, knowing you, the perfect fit will be a hundred and fifty pound St. Bernard. Which, for the record, would be fine. Bigger collars can be acquired. Either way, it’s something I’d like to do with my little family, if you’re up for it._

_So for now, I’ll say goodbye, happy to have one less between us until I return. And just know I’m counting down the hours until then. Give Ginny a kiss for me, would you?_

_I love you, baby._

_-Beca_

There are tears in Chloe’s eyes by the time they reach the bottom of the page. She’ll never know how she got so lucky to have such an incredible human love her the way Beca does. She holds up the collar again, letting Ginny sniff it.

“What do you think, V?” she asks. “Do you want a little brother or sister?”

Predictably, Virginia gives her signature yip and Chloe checks her phone. Beca’s plane isn’t due to land in Philadelphia for almost another hour, so she’ll have to contain her happiness over Beca’s gift for just a little longer.

She thinks over Beca’s words. Does Chloe write feelings? Is that how Beca sees them? She smiles at the thought, happy her letters have so easily conveyed the love she has for Beca. That she isn’t just telling a story with them, but is giving another piece of herself over to Beca for safekeeping with them.

She thinks of the letter Beca will find tonight. How almost all of her letters have led up to this one. The one where she tells Beca how it all clicked in place. She thinks of the words she’d written, over a month ago at this point. But she still remembers them like it had been yesterday. Words that went like this:

_Dear Beca,_

_If the first time I fell in love with you was slow, then the second time was lightning._

_I’d had a huge moment of self-discovery when I watched that performance in Miami. But that isn’t the moment I fell in love with you again. It was the next day, when I brought Ginny home. You threw your arms around me and that was it. There was no turning back at that point. I wanted you, yes, but standing there with you in my arms I also wanted more than that. More than the things your voice and your body made me feel. I was in love with you, and for the first time I was acutely aware of it._

_Every moment after was torture, because all I wanted was you. To tell you what I felt and to just touch you again. I know I’ve said it before, but how the hell did you do it for as long as you did? You must have a much stronger will than I do._

_I think I would have realized my feelings soon anyway, even without that performance. It just happened to be the perfect catalyst. When you said we could abandon the rules I really took that to heart. I threw away every precaution, feeling confident you truly were over me. But those precautions were apparently also the only things holding me back, because once they weren’t there anymore I think falling in love with you was just inevitable. You were too much of everything good. I didn’t stand a chance._

_Not that I’m complaining._

_I was a mess the day I told you. I thought every possible bad outcome would happen somehow. That you’d get angry and ask me to leave. That you wouldn’t want to be friends anymore. That, even if you somehow could get past how I felt, you’d always hold yourself at arm’s length away from me. But I knew I had to tell you. I knew I’d never keep the secret the way you did. And I wanted you to find out on my terms, not because a moment of weakness got the better of me._

_I could never have predicted your actual response, but I certainly welcomed it._

_That kiss is forever imprinted into my memory. It still makes my heart flutter when I think about just how perfect your lips felt against mine. How smooth your skin was and how good you tasted. And okay, maybe I should stop there before this turns into a completely different kind of letter._

_Point is I never thought I’d get that lucky. To hear you say you loved me back. To hear you say you wanted me too. I haven’t stopped feeling lucky since, you know. You’re still everything that is good and everything that I want. And it all started with that hug at your front door. You were in sweats and I was pretty much having a stroke but I wouldn’t change a single detail. It’s one of the more perfect moments in our story, I think._

_With that, letter number ten comes to its conclusion. You have one show left after tonight. And with that it means you also have only one more letter. I believe you’ll find it comes with a slight twist. But don’t worry. There’s still a third time to be told about. And that’s coming. Stay tuned._

_We’re so close, baby. As much as I’ve loved writing these letters and telling you this story, I’m quite glad we can resume our story in person soon. I need you close to me again._

_Until that moment comes, know I’m just as in love with you today as I was a year ago. So much has changed for us since then, but that fact hasn’t changed one single bit._

_I love you always._

_Forever yours,  
Chloe_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter, you may have guessed, will be the last. Until then, leave me a comment if you're feeling kind and thank you as always for reading!


	11. Chapter Eleven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't thank all of you enough. For reading, leaving kudos and comments. I have enjoyed every moment of writing this side of the story, and I hope you enjoy its last chapter. Let me know what you thought if you have a moment to spare.

**Chapter Eleven**

_Fall 2022_

The first day with Beca Mitchell is surreal.

From the moment she’d told Chloe to kiss her, everything became hazy. Like the way one experiences a dream or shares a memory. It’s all bathed in a soft golden light and Chloe can’t be sure the rays pouring in from the windows are responsible.

She kisses Beca until her attention is demanded elsewhere by a high whine, and with a jolt remembers Virginia still tucked away in a guest room somewhere in the depths of Beca’s apartment. And though Beca seems perfectly happy to ignore it just a little bit longer Chloe can’t. She loves Ginny but she wants Beca’s undivided attention, and she isn’t above tiring out the little pup to attain it.

She suggests they take Ginny for a walk, seeing no reason to disclose her ulterior motives. Especially not since they will become clear the moment they return. Beca’s mouth opens in response to the suggestion, and it fills Chloe both with warmth and with need that Beca doesn’t want to stop. But she manages to convince her and they let Ginny out of the guest room with tantalizing words like ‘leash’ and ‘park’.

Beca drives them to the same entrance they’d met at to say goodbye all those weeks ago. And it’s crazy how different Chloe feels approaching the gates this time. Where before she’d been filled with dread and apprehension, she’s now full of euphoria and longing. It’s funny how welcoming the park looks this time, with such polar opposite feelings swirling around inside her.

They walk along the path for a while. Beca doesn’t say much and Chloe doesn’t either. She thinks they’re both probably reliving Chloe’s confession. But Beca matches each one of Chloe’s smiles whenever their eyes meet. And she doesn’t shy away from Chloe’s steady gaze. And it’s all so very subtle, but Chloe hopes Beca knows. That she understands the desire behind her eyes. That she knows what Chloe wants.

When they happen upon a particularly open, grassy area, Chloe suggests they stop and let Ginny really run. They throw her frisbee for a while, clapping and praising her with each midair catch. And the reservoir of Chloe’s patience to kiss Beca again is almost used up when she watches Beca’s lips part around her smile.

It runs completely dry when they get coffee from a street vendor. The cup feels so warm in her palms, but she can’t help but wish she were holding Beca instead. She nods quickly when Beca asks if she’s ready to go back yet. And when they arrive, she smiles to herself when Ginny immediately departs for Beca’s bedroom. She loves dogs and all their dependable predictability.

"I think all that frisbee throwing wore her out," Beca says as she watches Ginny go.  
  
"Why do you think I insisted we bring it in the first place?" she asks, pleased her plan had worked. She steps into Beca’s space and her hands find the buttons of her coat. Her eyes watch storm waves as she unfastens them, prepared to remove the garment as soon as possible. She wants to resume where they’d left off before. She gets it halfway down Beca’s arms before she stops herself, suddenly unsure. Beca’s looking at her with _something_ in her eyes, but Chloe doesn’t have a name for it. It doesn’t exactly inspire confidence.  
  
"Are you okay?" she asks. "Is... this okay?"  
  
Beca nods quickly, and it definitely eases some of her doubt but she needs words before she’ll keep going.  
  
"Gonna need more than a nod from you, Becs.” She says it with a smile so it doesn’t sound so heavy leaving her lips.  
  
"It's more than okay," Beca says hastily, warming up Chloe’s insides again. "I just..."  
  
"You just what?" Chloe asks, using Beca’s permission to get her jacket the rest of the way off. She drapes it over the back of one of Beca’s dining room chairs.  
  
"It's kind of embarrassing..." Beca says quietly.

And that’s the kind of statement that would evoke curiosity in anyone, but given the subject matter Chloe’s suddenly desperate to know whatever Beca’s very reluctant to say.  
  
"It's just me, Becs," she says. She steps closer again, and the two sides of her war with each other. Listen to what comes next, or just kiss the girl in front of her.  
  
"I've just thought about,” she starts, looking a little embarrassed, “…this, being with you like this, I mean,  _so_  many times. And I told myself just as many times that it would never happen. I think it's going to take me more than a few hours to believe it all.”

And Chloe can’t help but love every single syllable of that little confession. Can’t help but love finally hearing more about the way Beca’s thought about her. The words slip quietly into her heart and burrow into comfortable places to rest while her hands find Beca’s jaw once more. She doesn’t really wait this time before leaning in. Her intention is clear and she isn’t worried about Beca changing her mind anymore.

And like before, her breath is stolen away the moment Beca responds. It’s almost just too much sensory overload, being with Beca like this. The way her lips and tongue pull Chloe apart. The way her hands draw her closer to pull her back together again. She spares a brief moment to the possibility of her knees giving out but the risk is worth not stopping this kiss. She smiles to herself when she feels Beca start to guide her away in the direction of her couch. It seems that a little kissing is all it ever took to finally get them on the same page.

Beca sits down when they reach the couch, and Chloe takes in the image of her. She saves the memory like a snapshot. Beca’s chest moving up and down, her hair in slight disarray from Chloe’s roaming hands. The way her lap just looks so _inviting_.

So she doesn’t think twice about dropping down into it. She just puts a knee on the cushion and settles in, feeling a thrill fly through her at being this close to Beca Mitchell. Her giddiness makes her say the first thing that pops into her head.  
  
"You're  _really_  good at kissing," she says, resting her wrists on Beca's shoulders and making her smile. "You've really thought about stuff like this before?"  
  
"I mean, not... recently,” Beca responds, after shifting a bit under Chloe’s legs. “I've been trying a lot harder not to this time around."

Chloe tilts her head to the side, thinking that over. She understands why Beca would try to squash those kinds of thoughts this time. She doesn’t blame her. But while they’re going down this road Chloe wants to know about the all the times in Beca’s head leading up to this moment.  
  
"But you did before?" she asks shamelessly.  
  
"I... yes. I did. Is that weird for you?"  
  
Chloe bites down on her bottom lip, because no, that isn’t weird at all. It turns her on.  
  
"No," she finally says. “It makes me feel... wanted."  
  
"You are."  
  
And Chloe definitely wants to know more about that, but it will have to be a ‘later’ kind of thing because she can’t actually wait another second to kiss Beca again. She leans in again, feeling already addicted to Beca’s mouth. She feels Beca’s hands find her hips first, but they don’t settle there. They move swiftly to her back, pressing and pulling, as if they still aren’t close enough. And she hears Beca’s words from the diner again, and she knows they’re true. She knows she’ll never find a way to get close enough to Beca, no matter how little space they share.

And Chloe’s never really given much thought to her kissing abilities. She’s always just sort of accepted that she’s good at it, if reactions from previous kissing partners can be trusted. She’s never really had to think about what she’s doing before. But she does now, because she’s desperate to make Beca feel as good. She pays attention to every reaction. What evokes sound at the back of Beca’s throat and what makes her breathing ragged. And she repeats those actions over and over, an addiction blooming to those responses too.

Beca stops every now and then. To let Chloe chase her breath or to say something else on her mind. It’s during one of these pauses that she reminds Chloe of herself, wanting to hear words just for the thrill they’ll incite.  
  
"Tell me again," she says.  
  
Chloe smiles and lets her fingers slip under the neck of Beca’s shirt. They explore the sharp angles of Beca’s collar bones. "Tell you what again?"  
  
"Tell me you're falling for me," she states, looking Chloe right in the eye. It yanks at something low in her belly, the knowledge that Beca wants to hear it again.  
  
"I'm falling for you, Beca,” she says evenly and with confidence. It feels so different leaving her tongue this time around. “I’m falling for every part of you. I never thought this would be possible once I realized how I felt. I was sure you'd moved on, and I had no one to blame but myself."  
  
She lets her palms rest then, her fingers curling around Beca’s neck while she keeps talking. She’s happy to give these thoughts away now, knowing Beca wants to hear them.  
  
"When you told me to kiss you I thought surely I'd heard wrong. And then, even after kissing you I wondered if maybe that's all I would get. That's why I asked what you were thinking, because I had to know if you had any feelings left over for me. I can't remember the last time I was as happy as the moment you said you couldn't help falling for me too."  
  
Beca doesn’t stop smiling once through the admission.  
  
"Is it weird for you?" she asks. Chloe frowns at the question, confused. "Being with me like this? Kissing me?" she clarifies.  
  
And just like the last time Beca asked a similar question, the answer is still no.  
  
"No, it isn't. I wondered if it would be, while you were in Miami. Of course I didn't think I'd actually be able to test it out," she says honestly."But I did wonder if it would be different, you know, because you're a girl. Or because you're... well, you,” she continues. The whole idea of it was so foreign at the time, despite the strength of the urge. “It's not every day you get the impulse to kiss your best friend,” she finishes, thinking that explains it.  
  
"Speak for yourself," Beca says quietly.

And the not so gentle reminder that maybe it _was_ every day for Beca makes Chloe smile again.  
  
"But when I kissed you I wasn't thinking about any of that. I just really,  _really_  liked it."

And that’s a bit of an understatement, really. But it’ll have to do.  
  
Beca hums for a response, and Chloe commits the sound to memory. "And this?" she asks, indicating their current position. She pulls on Chloe's lower back, bringing her even closer for emphasis.  
  
"Oh, I love this," Chloe says easily. "Even before I realized how I felt, I craved being close to you. At Barden and then in that shitty studio in Brooklyn. I was always reaching for you. It was like a reflex or something. You have no idea how many times I stopped myself from touching you after I found you again."  
  
Beca smiles at her in that way Chloe knows is leading to something sarcastic or playful.  
  
"And that never clued you in, huh? Never thought to yourself 'Maybe that's weird...'?" she asks with a smirk. Chloe pushes lightly on her shoulders.  
  
"Rude," she says. "It was actually something you said at that breakfast diner that made me wonder about you like that for the first time. But I dismissed it because I didn't think I was attracted to you that way. And I missed you so much I just thought that was to blame."  
  
Beca tilts her head to the side before she asks the obvious.  
  
"What did I say?"

And Chloe explains all about how Beca knew Sofía wasn’t right for her. And how she identified with those feelings, of knowing someone _was_ right, because of Beca. How Beca’s always made her feel that way, whether Chloe knew what it meant or not.

The little confession makes Beca smile at her in that way that Chloe’s starting to realize is irresistible to her. That will probably always make her want to chase Beca’s lips. So she does. Because she can. And because she knows Beca wants her to.

She kisses her the way she’s learning Beca likes, drawing sighs and hums from her mouth. Each one feels like an electric current under her skin. One that doesn’t shock her, but just makes her feel everything more acutely. It spurs her actions and it makes her wonder what other sounds Beca might make.

Her knees are starting to ache from being in this position so long, but she isn’t nearly done here, so she breaks the kiss so she can get more comfortable. She swings herself off of Beca’s lap, but before she can explain what she wants, Beca catches her hand.

“Where are you going?” she asks quietly, sending a thrill down Chloe’s spine.

“Nowhere,” she says honestly. And then, “Lie down?”

Beca doesn’t hesitate. She just arranges a pillow at one end of the couch and lays her head back against it before swinging her legs up onto the couch too. She looks so confident, waiting there for Chloe. It drives Chloe mad.

She doesn’t know what she was expecting, but as soon as she settles herself on top of Beca her heart jumps wildly in her chest. It sends the adrenaline in her veins rushing through even faster. She drops her head to kiss Beca again but their new position makes her feel bolder. It makes her want more. Her lips leave Beca’s, and she kisses her once, then twice along her jawline. The scent of Beca’s perfume is even stronger now, and she inhales deeply, chasing it. She drops kisses onto Beca’s neck, instantly loving both the sounds they evoke and the way Beca’s skin tastes.

Chloe just thinks there’s no way she’ll ever get used to this feeling. Or that she’ll ever get tired of it. She could kiss Beca Mitchell forever.

And though she doesn’t kiss her for quite that long, she is surprised to see the sun setting when she happens to look up during a break. It feels like no time has passed since they got home with Ginny, but she knows that was early in the afternoon and now here she is, watching the sun say goodnight.  
  
"Will you stay for dinner?" Beca asks, combing her fingers through Chloe’s hair. She leans into Beca’s hand. It feels so good to have Beca touch her so sweetly.  
  
Chloe nods because the idea of leaving is just intolerable. But she’s still in shock over how much time has passed.  
  
"I can't believe I spent all afternoon making out with you," she says, laughing.  
  
"And here I thought you were enjoying yourself," Beca teases, her fingers still threaded into red hair.  
  
"No, I just mean... I can't remember the last time I've done that, you know? I feel like a teenager again or something. Like I can't remember the last time I spent that long just  _kissing_  someone. It always escalated before too long."  
  
Beca's brow furrows and she nods thoughtfully. And it makes Chloe realize maybe Beca thought they were going to do more than that. Maybe she thought it _was_ about to go further.  
  
"That's not to say I  _don't_  want it to escalate with you,” she says quickly, feeling embarrassed. “I just think maybe I need to... work up to that. God, I probably should have said that from the beginning right? Now I feel like I'm... leaving you hanging."

And while she’d never expect Beca to react poorly to wherever Chloe decided they should stop, she certainly also doesn’t expect her actual reaction of bursting into laughter.  
  
"First off," she starts, when she can speak again, "someone thinks highly of herself."  
  
Chloe frowns, but she feels so relieved Beca isn’t upset.  
  
"Second," she says, more seriously, "please don't think that way. I'm  _so_  happy just kissing you,” she continues, making it plain that she doesn’t mind that Chloe is stopping there for now. “I'm not going to get mad at where you draw the line in the sand when all I've ever wanted was just to stand on the same beach. We're not on anyone's timeline but our own."  
  
Chloe kisses her then, letting her lips connect fully. She pours so much into it, wanting Beca to know how incredible those words are to her.  
  
"You're amazing, you know that?" she says when she pulls back again.  
  
"Come on," Beca says, choosing not to answer and sitting them both up. "Help me make dinner."  
  
Chloe follows happily. She thinks Beca does know.

They make dinner together, and play with Ginny together afterward. And Chloe had thought she’d be okay with leaving when the time came but she finds she still isn’t. So she doesn’t let herself second guess the request. She just asks to stay. Her heart thumps its approval in her chest as Beca leads her by the hand back down the hallway to her bedroom.

When they crawl into bed that night, Chloe kisses her in the dark before pulling Beca into her arms. She falls asleep with Beca’s warmth at her chest and the taste of her toothpaste on her lips.

And it’s all so, so surreal.

/

The first month with Beca Mitchell is easy.

It’s so easy to love her. To want her. To be around her.

It’s the easiest relationship Chloe’s ever had. There are only two things she finds difficult. The first is being without her for any stretch of time longer than the actual work day. She hates when they’re schedules don’t line up for days at a time. When she has to go home to her own empty bed or when she’s working evenings and Beca’s working in the mornings. It would all be a lot more convenient if they didn’t live in two different places but even Chloe isn’t crazy enough to suggest otherwise yet. So she just pushes through until they see each other again. The little reunions are almost worth their separation anyway, if she’s being honest with herself.

The second thing? Keeping it a secret. Which, thankfully, is about to come to an end. Chloe had wanted to tell the Bellas in person ever since it was decided they’d be coming to New York for Thanksgiving. She loved the idea of being able to see their faces when she makes the announcement. And Beca had been perfectly willing to wait also. But the decision came with its drawbacks. Conversations with Aubrey became almost impossible for her to navigate because there was so just much happiness she wasn’t sharing. She also had to watch herself in the group chat. She was always terrified of thinking she was responding to just Beca when really the whole group would be able to read what she wrote.

So while she loves the idea and thinks it will probably be worth the wait, hiding something this monumental from her friends gives her a lot of anxiety that she’s only too happy to be rid of by Thanksgiving Day.

Aubrey has been staying with her since Monday, and she’s loved every second. Phone dates are one of her favorite parts about their friendship but it’ll never be the same as having Aubrey physically present. She misses being able to hug her friend or see her facial reactions. She’s enjoyed taking her all over the city. To her favorite places to eat or get coffee. To the park with all its winter beauty starting to settle in. Her heart was full yesterday, watching her be reunited with Beca at lunch. Watching Aubrey sweep Beca up into her arms and hug her just as tightly as she always hugs Chloe.

That had been the hardest part so far of Aubrey’s visit. Not acting like Beca’s girlfriend with Beca right in front of her. But she’d made it through with Aubrey none the wiser.

And today’s the day. The day she sees all the Bellas again, and the day she finally gets to tell them Beca is hers. She and Aubrey arrive first at Beca’s place with all the food they’d promised to bring. The apartment already smells incredible from Beca’s contributions and Chloe’s mouth waters a little. Whether from the smell or from seeing Beca look so happy she isn’t sure. She doesn’t really care to figure it out either. She’s just content.

"Beca! This place is beautiful!" Aubrey says, setting down the food she carried in.  
  
"Told ya," Chloe says, not looking up from the table where she was arranging trays.  
  
"And you must be Virginia! Chloe won't stop talking about you," Aubrey says playfully, crouching down to a happy Ginny. Chloe watches the interaction with warmth in her heart. To know Ginny is to love Ginny. She’s happy to see that rule applies to Aubrey just as easily as it applies to her.  
  
Aubrey hasn’t even stood up again before a knock is heard at her front door. Beca opens the door to Emily, who wastes no time throwing herself into Beca’s arms. Chloe smiles at the interaction, happy that Beca will know just how much she’s been missed by more than just her. Emily comes for Aubrey and Chloe next, her hugs just as enthusiastic. Chloe likes knowing she still hasn’t changed.  
   
Cynthia Rose, Flo, and Stacie come next. Chloe watches Cee and Flo offer their hugs with no trouble. It’s Stacie that brings a surprising reaction out of her. She lays a kiss on each of Beca’s cheeks, and that’s pretty par for the course. Well, for Stacie’s course, anyway. What gets Chloe moving though is when Stacie leans in a third time. And Chloe just has no idea where that kiss will land but she doesn’t want to find out. So she intercepts her, barreling into her arms and taking her several paces backwards. She doesn’t look at Beca afterward. She knows what she’ll find in Beca’s eyes and she has no need to confirm her own jealousy.  
  
Jessica and Ashley arrive together next, to no one's surprise. They come prepared with enough wine for a gathering much larger than theirs but nobody complains about it. They just hoot and cheer as each new bottle is placed on the table.  
  
Lilly comes in alone, not even bothering to knock. Chloe watches her greet everyone with a silent head bob until she reaches Beca. She slips her arms around Beca’s middle from behind and whispers something Chloe can’t hear into her ear. She’s willing to bet it was Lilly’s brand of weird though, if Beca’s wide eyes are anything to judge by.  
  
Fat Amy is last, twenty minutes late. She comes through the door with an unsurprising "The party can start now!" and everyone cheers again.  
  
And Chloe’s heart had been ready to burst yesterday at just seeing Beca with Aubrey again. But this is something her heart almost just can’t handle. She’s overwhelmed by seeing all her friends in Beca’s apartment. At how easily they interact with her, as if she’d never left them. She supposes that’s what true friendship is though. Forgiving someone is easy when there’s as much love present as there is between all the Bellas.  
  
When they finally all settle down, Beca directs them to her dining room.  Chloe notices the table has been elongated with the leaf and that a few extra chairs were slipped among the usual ones to accommodate everyone. Chloe sits down next to Beca with a smile, already wanting to just tell the world they’re together. But she waits, knowing the perfect moment will come later.

Before they can begin to eat, Beca clears her throat. All eyes turn towards her, curious. Even Chloe doesn’t know what she’s about to say.  
  
"Speech!" Amy shouts, making everyone laugh.  
  
"Um, no," Beca says, flushing. "But I did just want to say that I'm so glad all of you are here. I can't believe I let so long pass by between us, but I'm glad I pulled my head out of my ass because you nerds are... pretty irreplaceable."

And Chloe can’t help but smile. She’s reminded all over again of how much Beca’s grown. How willing she is to share her feelings, even if she does it a bit awkwardly.  
  
"Damn right," Cynthia Rose says, winking at Beca.  
  
"So today," Beca goes on, her voice a bit bolder, "I'm thankful for you."  
  
Chloe sends the words right back, and hears nine other people do the same. Beca sits down again with a smile. And then they eat.  
  
Dishes are passed around until everyone has a little of everything, and conversations erupts all around her. There’s laughing and random singing and people talk over and across one another. And she thinks this is what Thanksgiving dinner should be like, not those stuffy uncomfortable ones she always had to endure with her family back home.  
  
It's during a lull in conversation that Chloe thinks is the perfect moment. She looks at Stacie and just says it as casually as she possibly can with her heart hammering the way it is.  
  
"Stace, could you pass the sweet potatoes? Oh, and Beca and I are a couple, by the way."  
  
The reaction is instant. Stacie stops halfway in handing over the dish, her arm holding sweet potatoes hostage in midair. Aubrey drops her fork. It clatters loudly on her plate. Emily squeals. Jessica, Ashley, and Flo all look at them with dropped jaws. Cee laughs. Lilly just keeps eating, and Amy does a legitimate spit-take.   
  
"What?!" Aubrey and Amy say together. By now everyone is smiling. Emily is looking at them with all her teeth on display, her hands clasped together at her heart.  
  
"Surprise?" Beca says, putting her hand in Chloe’s lap. Chloe takes it in both of hers.  
  
"Happy Thanksgiving, Becs," she says, leaning in. She kisses her fully, almost giddy at being able to really show them how much she loves this girl. She hears them all cheering in the background, and it’s the only thing that gets her to stop. It’s Aubrey that speaks first, sending words straight into Chloe’s heart.  
  
"Finally figured it out, huh Chlo?"  
  
Chloe smiles, reminded of a conversation they’d had weeks ago, when Chloe had first found Beca again. How she’d said she hoped Chloe could figure it out this time. And she thinks maybe Aubrey’s always known her just a little better than Chloe’s ever given her credit for.  
  
"Better late than never?" Chloe says with a smile. Aubrey returns it before their attention is diverted to Amy.  
  
She stands up with her wine in her hand.  
  
"Could we raise our glasses again?"  
  
They all do, and Chloe knows whatever comes next will be both ridiculous and heartfelt.  
  
"Nobody in this room has suffered more than I have watching these two goofballs  _not_ be together," she starts. Chloe thinks of Beca and wages that that might not be completely accurate. But she doesn’t say anything, preferring to just let Amy continue. "So let me be the first to say, FINALLY!"  
  
All the Bellas laugh, but Amy still stands.  
  
"I won't wish you the best, because if there's any couple who doesn't need it, it's you two. But Chloe?"  
  
Chloe leans forward then, her arm across the back of Beca's chair.  
  
"Yeah, Ames?"  
  
"Take care of my girl, would you?"

She hears Beca huff next to her. It makes her smile.  
  
"I promise," Chloe says sincerely, placing a kiss at Beca's temple.  
  
Amy raises her glass an inch higher then before she states, to the amusement of the room, "To Bhloe!"  
  
And all the people around them say it back, laughing and taking sips from their own glasses. Chloe takes a sip too. She doesn’t think she needs luck with Beca either, but she’ll happily take the blessing.  
  
They all start demanding more information then. They want the story. How Chloe confessed her feelings and how Beca responded. How long they’ve been together and how Chloe finally figured out that she was in love. How she realized her attraction.  
  
"Wait! This is important," Stacie states loudly after Chloe answers sheepishly with her reaction to Beca's Miami performance. She leans forward on her elbows, her hands under her chin.  
  
"What's Beca like in bed?"  
  
The whole table erupts into laughter, including Chloe. Beca starts to answer, cutting over them all.  
  
"Stacie! We are not about to talk about-"  
  
"I don't know. I haven't found out yet," Chloe interrupts honestly. But she wants to. She _definitely_ wants to.  
  
"Chloe!" Beca says, dropping her face in her hands. But Chloe can tell she’s smiling. The corners of her mouth give her away. And after a few seconds, she starts laughing with the rest of them.  
  
"Well damn girl what are you waiting on?" Cee asks jokingly. "Beca won't bite." But her mouth pulls into a smile and she shrugs before adding, "Well, maybe she will. I can definitely see Beca having a few surprise kinks. It's always the quiet ones."  
  
They laugh again and Beca stands up, shouting "Dessert!" before walking away and into the kitchen. Chloe follows, more than curious about the suggestion made about Beca’s more private tendencies.  
  
"So," she says quietly as she slips her arms around Beca’s middle, " _do_  you bite?"  
  
Beca laughs and spins around.  
  
"Guess you'll have to find out," she jokes, her teeth clamping down audibly. But Chloe isn’t joking and the idea is starting to run away with her.  
  
"Then let's hurry with dessert, shall we? We can see them all again tomorrow."  
  
Beca looks like a rabbit caught in the headlights and Chloe loves the way her throat visibly moves with her gulp. She kisses her then, willing herself to be patient before heading back to the dining room and their friends.  
  
Beca follows after a few moments, a slight flush on her neck being the only indication that Chloe’s words had gotten to her. She tries not to focus on it though. She tries to give her full attention to her friends, because reunions like this are so few and far between. But it’s always there in the back of her mind. That soon she’ll have Beca all to herself.

They eat dessert, with more laughter and more wine and more jokes and more questions. Chloe and Beca answer them all, happy to relive such incredible moments.

She puts her hand in Beca’s lap at some point, almost doing it without conscious thought. She just wants the touch, the feel of being closer. It’s a feeling she hasn’t stopped chasing for weeks.

And it’s all just so, so easy.  
  
/

_One Year Later_

The first year with Beca Mitchell was an adventure.

But it’s an adventure she’d never, ever change. Beca won a Grammy, and signed a new contract with a new recording label when her old contract ran out. She’d said that working with new people could trigger new ideas, inspire more creativity. Not that Chloe ever thought she was lacking. Her songs were still as amazing to her as they’d always been. The signing meant Beca had the opportunity to finally move to Los Angeles like she’d always wanted to. And Chloe couldn’t ask her not to, despite hating the idea of putting a whole country between them. But Beca never stopped surprising her.

“I know we haven’t been together for very long,” she’d said one day sitting on her couch with Chloe’s legs in her lap. “But I don’t want to be apart from you again.”

Chloe’s heart had thrummed happily, because she felt the same way.

“So, I guess I’m just going to ask it,” she’d continued. “Will you come with me to LA?”

Chloe hadn’t responded right away. She’d wanted to take a moment to commit the words to her memory, so that when she recalled them, they’d always sound exactly right in her mind.

“I know it’s fast. And you’d have to transfer your license to practice, which from what I’ve read can be a huge pain,” she’d said, making Chloe smile with the realization that Beca had really looked into it. “But I want to be with you. I want you to be with me. In California. If you’re ready for that.”

And it had been fast. And crazy. And something she doesn’t think she’d ever do with anyone else. But it hadn’t been just anyone else. It had been Beca. It would always be Beca.

“Yes,” she’d said. And then Beca had kissed her. And everything was perfect again.

That one word had led to Chloe seeking veterinary licensure in California. It had led to job searches and housing searches. It led to moving in with Beca across the country when they’d found the perfect place, and making new friends when she’d found the perfect job.

It led to nights spent under the California sky, watching the stars in ways she just couldn’t in New York, with Beca and Ginny by her side on their new back deck. To mornings always waking up next to the love her life. To slobbery kisses from Ginny when they took too long to get out of bed.

It led to Beca writing a whole album by herself, lyrics pouring out of her at the speed of light and music following shortly after. To late evenings in the home studio, Chloe listening to Beca’s heart made into sound while Beca watched for her reactions.

To the idea of the month-long tour, and the idea of Chloe’s letters.

To this very night, in the city where it all started. Chloe watches her lover perform for the crowd. Watches the faces of her fans as they let Beca’s music wash over them and reach right into their very souls. She feels it reach into her own, and for once, she can’t wait for it to be over because it’ll mean she’ll finally have Beca in her arms again.

When the show finally does end, Chloe takes one last lingering look at Beca on stage. She looks so glamorous and so perfect and even the year that they’ve been together doesn’t stop Chloe from shaking her head over the fact that that amazing human is hers.

She makes a hasty departure after that, having arranged with Beca’s manager to beat Beca back to her hotel room. She’s just letting herself into the room when her phone lights up with an incoming call.

“Hey, baby,” she says, shutting the door quietly behind her. “How was the show?”

“It was perfect,” Beca responds. Chloe can’t help but agree.

“Yeah?” she asks, maintaining the ruse.

“It was the last one, and I get to see you tomorrow. How can that not be perfect?”

Chloe laughs before she answers.

“You’re too sweet to me, you know?”

“Impossible,” Beca says quietly.

They talk for a few minutes about the show, and then Chloe squirms a little when Beca asks about her day. She’s never been good at lying, even for a reason as good as this one. She can hear the sound of traffic in the background the whole time. And Chloe smiles, because it’s all bringing Beca closer and closer to her.

And right when Chloe thinks she must be getting close, Beca confirms it.

“I’m pulling up to the hotel now, babe. Call you in the morning before my flight?” she asks.

“I can’t wait to see you,” Chloe says genuinely.

“Me either. Love you, Chlo.”

She hangs up after saying it back and then she just waits, knowing it won’t be long now. And when she hears the keycard at the door her heart takes off, almost leaving her behind.

Beca walks over the threshold, confusion evident on her face. Chloe assumes she hadn’t been expecting the lights to already be on. But it’s replaced quickly when she sees Chloe waiting for her in the middle of the room.

“Chloe?!” she says, her voice high from excitement. She throws everything in her hands onto the bed as she passes and then throws herself right into Chloe’s arms.

“What are you doing here?” she asks over her shoulder.

Chloe pulls back, a wide smile sitting on her lips.

“You didn’t actually think I wouldn’t make it to at least one show, did you?” And then, she throws Beca’s words back at her from the day she surprised her in LA. “You really overestimated my ability to resist your singing, Mitchell.”

“God, I love you,” Beca says before finding Chloe’s mouth. She gets lost in Beca’s kiss. It’s always just been too easy to forget everything else around her when Beca kisses her the way she does. It’s Beca who pulls back first, almost to Chloe’s disappointment.

“Wait, do I still get my last letter?”

Chloe laughs.

“Good to know my presence hasn’t distracted you,” she teases, loving the way it makes Beca look a bit embarrassed. “But yes, you still get your last letter.”

Beca looks around, at the coffee table and at the nightstand by her bed, for the letter Chloe knows isn’t there.

“But first,” she says, answering the question in Beca’s eyes, “I need to say something.”

Beca sits down on the end of the bed and waits.

“Your last letter comes with a preface. I’ve written about the first two times I fell in love with you, but I want to tell you about the third. And then you can have it.”

Beca smiles like Chloe knew she would.

“I’m all ears, babe,” she says. And Chloe takes a deep breath.

“The first time was slow. The second time was lightning. And the third time was long. It _is_ long. And constant. And ever-present. I'm in love with you, and I will continue to be in love with you for the rest of my life. I have absolutely no doubts that I'll always find new ways to fall deeper, and that I'll always be addicted to the way you make me feel,” she says, looking into Beca’s eyes and pouring as much of herself as she can into her words.

Beca watches her speak, and by the time Chloe finishes she thinks she sees the beginnings of tears forming in her eyes.

“Everything I have with you is something I’d never trade for anything in the world. Every moment we’ve shared since that day has only solidified what I knew from that very first kiss. That I’d finally gotten it right.”

She pulls out the folded letter from her back pocket now and smoothes it out.

“So here,” she says, smiling at Beca’s name written on the outside. “Here’s your last one. You should know  I wrote it the day you left for this tour.”

Beca raises one eyebrow in interest before Chloe finally hands it over. The letter that's been written for thirty days and has slept in her bedside table for thirty nights. The one with only two words, five different letters, and a question mark right in the middle of the page. Beca opens it slowly, and when she looks down at it, the smile that has been on her lips since walking in the room slips away. Her mouth parts in a way that can only convey shock and Chloe can see the words all too clearly, as if she's seeing them now through Beca's eyes.  
  
_Marry me?_

And Chloe doesn’t have a ring, nor does she wait for Beca on bended knee. But she’s not worried about doing this unconventionally. She and Beca have never been conventional.  
  
Beca stares at the words, as if they might change meaning if she looks away. She must eventually decide that they won't, because after a few moments the storm waves in her eyes find Chloe again.  
  
And she doesn't say anything, but Chloe is patient. She's learned that sometimes Beca just needs a moment to express herself the way she wants to.  
  
And then, in a silent hotel suite hundreds of feet above the ground, Beca Mitchell smiles. She gets up and closes the space between them to find Chloe's lips once again.  
  
And she still hasn't said anything. But Chloe thinks it's a yes. Because Chloe Beale? Well, she's always been a believer.

 

 

 

_The End_


End file.
